Obedience....

Ok...so yesterday got a little dicey for me....got angry...frustrated....at God for continuing to move me down a road that appears to lead nowhere...it's a journey I never wanted to take in the first place...

I ranted & raved about the conflicting & confusing aspects of the story.....and why does God so deliberately & continually direct me down a road that I don't want to be on....only to smack me around....after every obedient step I take...

It's not fair, I cried! I am doing what it is that He wants me to do....even though it's not what I want...& yes, I can see the impact I have had along the way...through my obedience...so why does He keep saying this is where you belong..(seriously, haven't I done enough already?!? haven't I given enough of myself here?!?) ....trust me, MJ, this is right for you....what I have planned is far more wonderful than anything you can imagine....

Only to receive another big slap in the face each time I say, Ok, I will trust you....I will not let go...not yet...

There was a good friend or two on hand...who allowed me to vent my frustration..I am pretty sure that I used the word "obedient" dozens of times in my soliloquy....

They, of course, had no answers....

Almost immedately after I ended my tirade on "obedience" I received the following message on Facebook:

On this day, God wants you to know...
... that God doesn't want your obedience, God wants your love. Servants give obedience, children give love. You are a child of God.

Ok. It's a little hard to overlook or dispute a message as deliberate & direct as that one.

So I have spent the better part of last nite & this morning struggling with the question: "What better way is there for me to show God my love than by being obedient to His directions?"

I overslept this morning.....and when I woke up a little before 9 a.m., Jessi was still asleep, too. So I thought, no church this morning.

Rationalizing as I do, I then convinced myself that I had to get us both up & ready...that Del was going to have a message "just for me" this morning on "how to to love God"....and that I must not miss it.

Ready, set, go. Key's in ignition...nothing....tried again...not a thing. Dead battery. Not going to make it to church this morning. Needed a jump start.

Right on cue....the giggle of my best friend, God, the Creator of the Universe, began to filter into the garage...."You don't have to go to church... MJ...to show me your love."

Jump starting my car was easy. Great friends were up for that.

Now to jump start my heart...


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