I wandered around the house some....even out in the yard....leaving tracks in the snow....and I wondered...and pondered....you know....did a lot of that overthinking thing that I do so well....
The last couple of weeks have been jammed full of activity....positive energy....indicators that even though what I am doing doesn't really make sense...it's important...& it's right....
I have been feeling great about myself, too. It shows, I know. Lots of people have noticed. Yet for every encouragement...there has been an equal or greater number of discouragements....
bossy...on a different page...exhausting...a failed communication...and the list goes on...
So I took it all to heart.....spent some time picking at my scabs....those places that haven't quite healed yet...and almost set the table for a pity party....but I managed to stop short of that...
Truth is, I made a deal with a friend....about pity parties....and since I didn't have any real fish to fry....I hesitated....& the thought of sending the pre-determined secret coded "pity party" alert made me laugh at myself a little....
...and that helped a lot!
So I did the inevitable.
*Sigh* I was totally set-up. It wasn't fair, really.
And yet it's always reassuring & comforting to be reminded that Abbi knows me better than anyone else in the world....& nine times out of ten, she knows exactly what I need to hear....whether I want to hear it or not.
Does God send everyone daugthers like that?!?
After I got done dealing with the impact of the "messages" she left for me there on that stinking Grey's Anatomy Season 1 dvd....I spent some time considering how very blessed I am ...to have such great family, friends & even random acquaintances in my life. Yeah.
This morning my first "message" was in my email inbox....GOD'S DAILY PROMISES....it was talking about Joshua....
I love that Joshua...
Funny...last nite a good friend asked me to describe what I was looking for in a man....he said name one person that we both know that would be someone you would be interested in...
So I listed those things that were important to me: Intelligent, honest, faithful, full of laughter, entrepreneurial, not afraid to take a risk, open to adventure....as well as emotionally available...
It just came to me....I want someone like Joshua...if you don't get it, then you might want to spend a little time in the Old Testament...
Anyway, I will have to remember to tell him that the next time we talk...that would be someone we both know...LOL...
I haven't lost sight of the fact that my man is 1 in 10 million....yes, that was a funny "message" when it was received several years ago...and continues to be a constant source of amusement...
And frustration....
...I continue to do the math....it's not simple arithmetic....it's a complex, mind-boggling equation...nothing is ever simple...of course, algebara, trigonometry, calculus are all totally simple in their complexity....once you understand them....
I have completely lost my train of thought....
Reviewing past blessing can encourage us to continue...that's what the email this morning said...
I liked that.
And here's one of the quotes that struck me last nite while watching the various Grey's Anatomy characters deal with...well, life....
Dr. Meredith Grey: At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.
Fairy Tales 101 wasn't offered back in the day. Not in the traditional sense. If it had been, I would have failed miserably.
I will continue to choose happy....to believe in "forever" & "everlasting" rather than "ever after"...
...and I will keep on impatient waiting patiently...for the blue moon...the magic....the breathless moment...
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