Looking out the window....beautiful fluffy flakes are falling....falling.....lightly covering the ground....
it's as if God Himself is saying....take a breath...slow down....
spend some time with Me....
...at least that's what it sounds like to me...so I built a warm, cozy fire....made a pot of great coffee...& I am going to go about my morning...productively...yet leisurely...
My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers is my favorite daily read....ever!
Some years I faithfully read it every day...to inspire & motivate me....and other years, I just pick it up randomly...reading the specifc day or thumbing through to review some of my favorites....easy to find because my copy is all marked up....highlighted....and sometimes even "dated" with specifc notations....
Not sure yet about this year....but this morning I felt compelled to pick it up & read...
yes, compelled...
I love words....especially ones that so vividly describe whatever is going on...."compelled" means an "irresistable urge" or "forcefully directed"....
what I mean is, there was NO WAY I wasn't going to glance at January 4 in the book....it would have been impossible NOT to pick it up this morning...
January 4th - My Utmost For His Highest - Oswald Chambers
WHY CANNOT I FOLLOW THEE NOW?
"Peter said unto Him, Lord, why cannot I follow Thee now?" John 13:37
There are times when you cannot understand why you cannot do what you want to do. When God brings the blank space, see that you do not fill it in, but wait. The blank space may come in order to teach you what sanctification means, or it may come after sanctification to teach you what service means. Never run before God's guidance. If there is the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt - don't.
In the beginning you may see clearly what God's will is - the severance of a friendship, the breaking off of a business relationship, something you feel distinctly before God is His will for you to do, never do it on the impulse of that feeling. If you do, you will end in making difficulties that will take years of time to put right. Wait for God's time to bring it round and He will do it without any heartbreak or disappointment. When it is a question of the providential will of God, wait for God to move. (http://www.myutmost.org/)
...italics are mine for emphasis....
For those of you who are paying attention....I have been struggling with God's direction in a specific situation...He has made it abundantly clear what He wants me to do....and it's NOT what I want to do...not anymore...I'm tired...& it doesn't really seem to be worth my time & energy...
...yes...I have doubts...as to what to do about the whole thing..
For the record...initially it wasn't what I wanted to do either...but I went ahead & ventured forth...compelled against all rhyme or reason...
ok...
I admit I was wrong....it hasn't been easy...mostly confusing & complicated...the rewards have been great...& I have learned a lot of important things about myself to boot...
...so I did it...against my will...hasn't it run it's course?!?...isn't it time to let go...to change directions...to travel a different road?!?!
I know what I want....what's best for me....most of the time, my instincts are right on target....it's MY choice, right?!?
*sigh*
...to be perfectly honest....I have lots of doubts about what I want....maybe I want to just hurry up & make a move because it would be easier somehow...rather than riding it out....no matter how tumultuous it seems...
Restlessly...I am moving on with my day....opening email....organizing my calendar....and there it is...
in my inbox...today's Note From The Universe:
If given just one wish for the New Year, MaryJane, knowing you could wish for anything at all and that whatever you wished for was GUARANTEED to come true... would you wish for all things to be EXACTLY as they are? Me too. We bad, The Universe.....As things are now, MaryJane, you've still got forever, your thoughts become things, and not only do most people around you have golden intentions... but they really, really like you.
....again, the italics are mine....for emphasis....
this time...in this situation...it's impossible for me to ignore all of the validation that I am off balance somehow...that I should simply sit back....stay where I am....wait...
the snow keeps falling...another log on the fire...more coffee....
...just as it was promised...my new year is starting off exactly like the last one ended...
...same puzzle pieces in the new puzzle...
impatiently waiting patiently....
I've got that book, too ... I think I'll pull it out on this snow day as well. Who knows what God will whisper in my ear?
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