Zero

A couple of weeks ago, it came to me that I should drag out those questions that a friend sent to me a long time ago when I was trying to make some sense out of my life....to re-order my priorities....to identify those people & things that had become habit but were really drains on my enthusiasm, happiness & success....and to focus on those that brought joy and value to my life

And that I should share those questions....with a friend.

I did that. I dug them out. I even wrote them down....making a notebook/journal/workbook thing to make it easier for my friend to take them seriously....leaving room for comments, answers, or more questions. Got so into it, that I made one for myself as well....because I figured it was time for a little re-evaluation of my life & friends, too.

That was over two weeks ago. Still carrying it around with me. Waiting for just the right time to offer it up. Shame on me, I know....waiting on just the right time...so that it will be comfortable and not awkward...like that could happen...I know, I know...I am the one who always says if you wait for everything to be right then nothing will ever happen...

So I am sitting there in my seat this morning....and Del is sitting up there on the platform....with his broken foot all propped up...and he says he wants us all to do something....and take a little time with it...

Think about your life....and where you are....right now....

(MJ's Workbook Page 1: Write a description of what you want your life to look like...the life you want to be living...take your time...brainstorm...don't worry about how it sounds...you can come back to it later... )

and...

(MJ's Workbook Page 2: What's important to you? Make a list in random order. If you listed the "by-products" or the "means-to-the-end" as important to you...then you are out of touch with yourself. So start over.)

Think about the opportunities you've had to "love"

Think about the people you've had the opportunity to "love"

(MJ's Workbook Page 3: Who is important to you? Think about the people who have been a part of your life. DO NOT include hypothetical people or people you WISH were in your life.)

Think about the missed opportunities you have had to "love"

(MJ's Workbook goes there, too...but not going to bore you with the questions here...)

LOL...Guess me and Del and God are all on the SAME PAGE ....pun intended!

Busted....again!

Del went on to say that someday those opportunities to love just won't be there....they will have passed me by...while I was waiting for everything to be just right before I acted....

Now I am going to ramble back and forth a bit....me & Del & whatever comes to mind will be flowing here....as always, if it makes sense, then Del said it....because God told him to...

So for the last two weeks...I have been carrying that notebook around with me....and I have been striving for immunity.....you know to "not be susceptible or responsive to the 'disease'... "

One day last week, when asked how things were going in that regard, I popped off, "I am working on immune...when I get there everything will be great!" Then I came home and
there was this little hand-carved tiki looking figure on the counter...so I said, "Jessi, what in the world is that?!?!" And she said.....are you ready....it cracked me up....."It's my immunity idol!"

So there you have it....while everything is shifting....and adjusting around me...I am striving for immunity! A boundary between me and.....love. And Jessi has had the immunity idol tucked away in her bag all along!

Now I am not talking about ooey-gooey romantic huggy-kissy love. I am talking about LOVE.

...and that's what God and Del decided to talk about this morning, too.

So Del put forth his exercise. And I fidgeted. Oh, yeah...hitting too close to home. From here on out, I am going to be speaking in the first person "I" and "me" but keep in mind, I am talking about YOU, too!

I've been surrounded by people....that are here in my life for a reason....it's not random ...it's deliberate that they are here...reaching for my hand...trying to help me take down those walls....remove those boundaries....there's ______ and then there's _____ and, of course, there's YOU!

It's really so very simple. If I would just unburden...unload...and say "I have nothing to offer...nothing left but ME....will you HAVE me?!?!"

Maybe then things would start to make sense and things would begin to fall into place. Instead, I keep impatiently waiting patiently...for the right time....for circumstances to change....until I have "something" of value to offer...

It's almost humorous how I think I get it....but I don't....

...at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is love. It's the bottomline.

Love never fails. Think about that. Something that never fails....now that's a powerful thing.

...and perfect love casts out fear. I like that a lot!

The opposite of love isn't hate...it's fear. And when we become afraid we loose our ability to give...or receive love.....

....flashback....to the failure to receive....*sigh*....a person is deader than a doornail when they they aren't willing to accept the blessing of receiving love..

And love covers a multitude of sins....we all make mistakes....and then love covers a lot of that stuff...if I don't have love, I have ZERO!

Yes, indeed that's what Del said. If I don't have love, I have ZERO.

Earlier this week, a friend and I were in a coffee shop and overheard a conversation between an adult (most likely an Aunt or Grandmother) and a very small child. The child's mother was at the hospital giving birth to her new sister...at that very moment. And the child said, "I am two"...and the adult said, "Yes, and when your sister is born she will be ZERO!"

Wow! We both looked at each other....we couldn't believe we heard that right. And then...she repeated it. "When your new sister gets here, she will be ZERO!"

What a way to enter the world....to start your life....as ZERO!

I just looked up "love" on Webster.com because I wanted to post a definition of exactly the type of "love" I am writing about....but I didn't like any of the definitions....just goes to show how out of touch we ALL are....no clear definition of "love" as God created it....no wonder I can't get it right!

And there it was....I had forgotten this one....probably because I don't play tennis.....love is a score of ZERO in the game of tennis!!! Somehow, I don't think that was ever God's intention...for love to equal a score of ZERO!

Have to pause here....my best friend, God, the Creator of the Universe, and I are taking a laughter break....He's been rolling around on the floor laughing at me for most of the day....and now I give up...I am just going to join Him there for a rollicking, snorting session....laughing until I cry....

....back...ok....so thinking about life...LOL...If you could do it over, would you you really give yourself and the last few years to an endless parade of meaningless encounters? To coasting instead of trying harder to move forward with direction? To putting up boundaries and walls because you were too afraid to take a chance...and live your life out of love?

Life has a way of getting away from us....and then it becomes about many, many things....but if it's not about love than it's not about anything.

It's that simple.

Del shared this amazing video of The Bucket List scenes to "Live Like You Were Dying": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNWg5DlWVa8

Life is about love. Love is not sex. Love is not collecting a bunch of people to call friends. Love is not doing good deeds all of the time. Love is deeper than that. It's a spirit....it's an aroma...it's the essence of something more than myself. Love is always a spirit that I carry in my heart...that touches the heart of others.

When my life becomes about things...and deeds...than it has absolutely no meaning. And when my life has no meaning....than what does that make me?!?!

Most of us truly do not understand the concept of love...love and grace demand that I follow my heart....

Hold on just one minute! Follow my heart?!?! You must be kidding!!! I have my heart secured and guarded....under lock and key....no one's getting in....and defintely I am not coming out....there must be another road for me to follow....one that does not require me to follow my heart...

Hmmm...joy & freedom come from just loving....so are you saying that if I cross the boundary...tear down the walls....and allow myself to love & to be loved that joy & freedom will be found there?!?

Wouldn't that mean giving up all control....isn't it possible to have joy & freedom ...and still hang on to that control?!?! Oh, you're telling me that's the problem....I have sacrificed love at the altar of my need to control my own life....great...that's just great.

Love is present when I feel comfortable with you....when I feel at home with you...when I feel safe with you....when I know that I am accepted---just as I am---by you.

At home with someone means a close and INTIMATE relationship. An intimate relationship is not just about sex. It's about total connection....and respect...and desire...and trust...and smiles...and laughter....and on and on and on....

I want that! To be at home with someone in a close & intimate relationship.

Am I trying to do everything else in life....but LOVE? Hoping that somehow all of those things---friends, things, happiness, success---will allow me to find love?

Without love, none of that is ever going to be found in my life....not in a lasting way....

All of it...the total of everything else...is nothing....it's ZERO!

This isn't one of those chicken-and-the-egg situations....it's plain & simple....love first....everything else will follow.

Jesus didn't die to fix me...He died to love me.

I don't want to FIX you....

Love can change everything in my life....love can change everything in your life....

Really. It's true. I have it on good authority. I promise.