Miracles & Magic. M&Ms.
Peanut ones represent the miracles ... plain ones, the magic.
for Christmas.
Just a whole bunch of M&Ms, Santa
.... pretty please.
Friends came through BIG time. I had traditional M&Ms ... plain & peanut. Others came forth with holiday M&Ms ... red & green ... mint flavored ones. There were peanut butter ones ... and dark chocolate ones, too. Some came in candy cane tubes ... little packages ... big packages ... and a very cute plain M&M candy piece ornament for my tree ... to remind me that there really is magic ... year-after-year.
And everyone who was important to me got M&Ms ... in little bags with tags letting them know there were "miracles & magic" in there ... just waiting for them in the year ahead.
It was interesting ... some people "got it" ... others simply didn't. Guess it has something to do with their ability to believe ...
Those who believe ... receive ...
It's that time of year again ... and I am doing a lot of reflecting ... pondering ... on the months since last Christmas ...
A little magic ... was that really too much to ask?!?!
Saturday nite I went to a Christmas party ... at the home of someone I love ... a lot. I wasn't supposed to be there. It's not that I wasn't invited ... because I was ... well in advance. It's just that my calendar had a couple of other commitments on it ... and I was trying to figure out how to be in all of those places at the same time ...
As the week unfolded , my calendar started clearing ... randomly. One thing was moved to the next weekend ... another was cancelled all together ... and suddenly my evening was totally open ...
Except for THAT one invitation.
God's so funny ... like that.
It doesn't really matter who threw the party. Well, actually, it IS important ... but this person doesn't like it when I talk about them in my blogs. Makes them all squirmy & uncomfortable. A little too real ... and out there ... or something like that.
There was good food. Old friends. New friends. Pool playing. Christmas caroling. It's a long standing tradition in the lives of the hosts. Year after year ... for 30 years ... a sharing of their hearts ... with people who are special to them.
I've been special to the person who invited me ... for a very long time ... he's been special to me ... for well over 30 years. And maybe I've been there ... at the annual gathering in the past ... but if so, it was back in the early years ... and I really don't remember ...
It would have been in a different house ... a different life ...
The evening always ends with those present sharing something about the year past ... and what's coming next ...
The host invited people to speak ... in no particular order ... yeah, right ... at least that's what he said. Early in the sharing, he called on Jessi ... as if she was just like everyone else ...
I always tense up a little when that happens. Because Jessi isn't like everyone else. And I always worry that somehow she won't be appropriate ... or accepted.
No one there knew her ... except for our hosts ... impossible for them to have known her ... since none of them had ever known me ... either ...
In her own way ... and her own words ... Jessi shared her heart. At first, she tried to talk about some of her soap opera friends ... because that's part of Jessi being Jessi ... with just a little prompting, though, she focused on what has been really important to her this past year.
She spoke of the things that mean the most to her ... her work ... her boyfriend ... and the making of the movie, STEP AWAY FROM THE STONE.
As if ... she was ... just like everyone else.
Story after story was shared ... and we were down to the last 3 people ... and the young woman sitting next to me spoke what was in her heart ... she used words like change ... faith ... believing ... obedience ... she spoke of confidence in facing the uncertainty of what was coming next ...
... and I am thinking ... she's either been reading my blogs ... or my mind .... cuz she said all of the things I had been carefully preparing in my head since the whole thing started ... in the context of her own life ...
It was a set-up, of course.
By my host ... and my best friend, God, Creator of the Universe.
It blindsided me.
Who knew the two of them were in cahoots?!?
Off balance ... I had to smile ... it was actually very cool.
You see, pretty much everyone had been there last year or the year before. They knew before they arrived what was going to take place. They had had days ... maybe even weeks .. to think about what they would share & how they would say it ....
I only had minutes ... less than an hour ... and then right there at the end ... she said all of the things I was going to say ... personal things that were still a little bit safe and universal ...
*sigh* the things I was going to say ...
My host introduced me ... again ... for those who didn't figure out who I was ... or why I was there ... during the early socializing ... and then he said, "MJ goes last ... because whatever she says ... it's what's really real tonite ... because she wasn't supposed to be here ... and here she is ... so it must be important."
... and God nudged me and said ... "Don't ya get it, MJ?!?! You asked for miracles. Go ahead and tell them ... about miracles ... and doing things that don't make sense ... and putting it all on the line ... not knowing what the true cost will be ... just believing Me when I tell you that whatever it costs ... it will be worth it ..."
So I did. I talked about being the Queen of Adventure and never staying in one place too long. About not doing the same thing twice. I am sure I rambled on and on. At the end, I guess I said outloud what I came there to say ...
... that the things that I undertook during the last year ... the things that didn't make any sense ... those were all things that I couldn't NOT do ... and that the choices of the last year had cost me ... EVERYTHING ... financially and other ways as well ...
My host knew that already. So did my Best Friend.
Whatever it will ulitmately have cost me ... when the the total is calculated to the bottomline ... it will have been worth it. Everything I have ... all of me ... that wouldn't be enough for the gift that was given in return.
That's pretty much what I said. I think. It probably didn't make sense.
Afterward, everyone ... who wanted to ... prayed outloud. I don't like to pray outloud. It's just awkward for me. I was going to pass on that one.
One person prayed ... then another ... and out of the silence ... came Jessi's prayer ... eyes closed ... she spoke of love for her sister and the loss of Pete the Mighty dog ... she told God she loved Him ...
It was sincere ... genuine ... appropriate ... just like everyone else ...
Jessi's confidence & faith were just one of the miracles ... sitting in the room with me .... and I was totally humbled ... words came from somewhere ... and I prayed outloud, too.
It was a very, very special nite.
That little gathering of people who love each other ... shook up my bag of M&Ms, for sure ... because I'd been thinking a little too much about the missing magic ... for ME ... and losing sight of the miracles in the lives of the people I care about ... more than ... me.
As usual, Del was prepared on Sunday morning ... with a message just for ME ... it was called ... drum roll, please ... A Celebration of Miracles ... ba da bing.
Strength will arise as we wait upon the Lord.
We will wait upon the Lord. We will wait upon the Lord.
The thought provoking question came immediately following the most terrific birthday song EVER ... Welcome to the Sunday Birthday Celebration ... something about "standing in the doorway ... flicking the lights ..." and "...this could be heaven ... or it could be Brother Del" ...
yeah ... it COULD be Brother Del ...
Rock on ...
For some of you this Christmas your family might be your miracle ...
Then just to be sure that I KNEW ... without a doubt ... that He was talking to ME ... Del used one of my favorite obscure words ... lollygagging. He didn't just say it once ... he elaborated on lollygagging ... to get my attention ... to make His point ...
Maybe what you have overcome & survived is your miracle this Christmas ... maybe it's God's unwavering love ... your miracle ... this Christmas ...
Nudge. Nudge. Same song ... Sing along with me, MJ.
You do not faint ... you will not grow weary ...
God whispered ... "You DO NOT have the power ... to change the fact ...
that I love you!"
That's what He said ... I think Del said that He said it , too ... I never know for sure ... at times ... what I hear and what others hear ... when God & Del start double-teaming me ...
God's unwavering love. Yes, that's it. My miracle.
So my M&Ms have been getting a pretty good shaking these last few days.
A little magic ... for me ... that's what's been on my mind ... how I've somehow been left out ... once again ... because I am not getting what I think I want ... and the nudges have been coming hard and fast ...
"What do you mean you aren't getting what you asked for, MaryJane?!?!
I know He means business when He calls me "MaryJane" and not "MJ" ....
Over the last couple of days ... it's been like a video retrospective in my head ... of the last 12 months ... a roll call of lives touched & hearts changed ... a miracle countdown ... if you will ...
Let's see ... there was the friend who needed a new lease on life ... then there's the friend who yearned for love and found it where & when they least expected to find it...
Look what's happening in that life ... and that life ... and that life ...
What about the person who said ... this is my dream ... I don't know how to make it happen ... will you help me? And even though you struggled to say "No" ... because it didn't make sense ... and you didn't know how either ... when I asked, you said, "Yes, Lord."
There's the friend who is facing hardship but instead of being defeated, is finding faith & confidence in Me ... what about that other friend who is finding hope & purpose in that new place which is a long way from that old place ...
How could you overlook the friend who is having to sort through the fallout of the choices made that didn't turn out so well? And even over there in the life that you think has failed so miserably, there's still hope ... sometimes miracles take a little longer in a heart that's resisting every step of the way...
And while you were off doing that thing ... that really didn't make sense ... I was over here a-miracle-working ... in a GINORMOUS way ... that's what I call it ...
... he is simply calling it ... saving his life ...
Ginormous. I like that.
It's been a year of miracles ... big miracles ... small miracles ... tiny miracles ... too many to count ... exactly what I asked for ... signed, sealed & delivered.
... so just cut me to the quick ... selfish, I have been ... I am ... for focusing on the "what about me?"...
Miracles don't come free. And they aren't just answered prayers. Somewhere ... someone ... has to put everything on the line ... to be willing to do the things that don't make sense ... to pay the price ...
It's right there in the Bible ... what has to happen ... in order for God to do His work ...
I heard the voice of the Lord, saying:
“ Whom shall I send,
And who will go for Us?”
Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”
Isaiah 6:8 (New King James Version)
"Don't think you're a hero, MJ. Cuz you're not." That's what someone important told me earlier this year. And he's right. I am definitely NOT a hero ... or heroine ... or whatever is politically correct.
I AM willing. To go. To do the hard stuff. As long as I get to take along some M&Ms ... on my adventure. It's sort of like David and his slingshot. Let me fight the battles with things that are familiar and comfortable. Just give me some M&Ms ... and I am ALL in
This morning, I was posting the Day 66 song ... it's my offering in a friend's personal 90 day journey ... she wrote about "a glimmer" ... that's another one of my favorite words ... very cool ... so it's not surprising that I chose a song about miracles ....
If you believe ...
Tears flowed ... as the song played ... in my den this morning. And I had a heart-to-heart with my Best Friend ... after all, I owed Him a huge apology. So I said, "I'm sorry ... for being all-about-me ... for wanting what I want when I want it"
And I thanked Him for each miracle ... individually ... specifically ... saying outloud the names of those people I care about most ... who show up on the miracle roll call for 2010.
Then I poured out those M&Ms ... shaken not stirred ... from the bag I've been carrying them around in all year .... and took inventory.
The peanut ones are BIGGER ... so there are fewer in a regular package ...
And in a mixed bag ... the plain ones always outnumber the peanut ones ... everyone knows that ... it just makes sense.
Not so ... in my bag this morning ... a plethora of Peanut Ms on the tally table ... too many to count. And there were just a few of the smaller plain Ms on the table ... easily counted on one hand.
Peanut = Miracles ... Plain = Magic .... Humbled, I said, "Take them ALL ... every single one of the little plain M&Ms ... I will gladly trade ALL of MY magic ... for THEIR miracles."
And I mean it. Touching lives ... making a difference ...that's what matters most to me. That's where I find my joy ...
He knows that ... He knows everything about me.
In the still of the moment, He smiled ... one of those glorious smiles that light up the universe ...
"Let's leave a few of those plain ole M&Ms in the bag, MJ"
... that's what He said ...
"Because ....
The year's not over ... not yet."
(c) December 2010
Here's to good friends, the Best Friends, miracles, Jessi's fresh child-like perspective, changed lives, and ..... M & M's!!!
ReplyDeleteI had a conversation with my friend Ms. Shirley (one of our janitors) about the subject of choosing to be happy. In the 4 years that I've known her, Ms. Shirley would always greet me with a smile and a hug and her cheerfulness always made my day start off right! The beginning of this school year started off very differently though. Ms. Shirley was not her usually cheerful self. I rarely even saw her smile, and she didn't have that beautiful gleam in her eyes. One morning, I walked into the cafeteria to get ice for my smoothie and Ms. Shirley was sitting at one of the tables. I sat down across from her and asked her if I could ask her a personal question. She looked at me and said, "Of course you can, Ms. Clemons!" I asked her if something was wrong, and if I could help. Tears came to Ms. Shirley's eyes and she said she didn't know if anyone could help. I told her that I had noticed that she was different this school year and that I missed the old Ms. Shirley. She told me that it's been a rough year and I said, yes I know what you mean. We have double the amount of students this year, and it's been very hard on all of us. She asked me how it was that I can still come to school every morning with a smile on my face, when I (like everyone else) had double the amount of students so double the amount of work. I told Ms. Shirley that I figured out this past summer that I could come to school each day with a smile determined to have a great day, or I could CHOOSE to come in depressed and worried about how I was going to get my job done to the best of my abilities everyday, because MY ATTITUDE IS MY CHOICE! Then, I told her I missed my friend Ms. Shirley and that I hope she returns real soon! She stood up and gave me hug and said she would think about what I said to her. The next day, my friend Ms. Shirley was back! She had a huge smile on her face that sparkled in her eyes too! I hugged her and told her it was great to have her back! She hugged me too and said it felt great to be back! She said that she thought about our conversation that night before and she realized that I was right about her attitude being her choice and she decided that she needed to make a different choice, to be happy. I know that I've been a lot happier this year and I've even been able to weather the stressful times this year a lot better and a lot healthier too! Glad you connected the dots MJ! Hugs!
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