M & Ms

Miracles & Magic.  M&Ms. 

Peanut ones represent the miracles ... plain ones, the magic.

 

That's what I asked for last year
for Christmas. 
Just a whole bunch of M&Ms, Santa
.... pretty please.

Friends came through BIG time.  I had traditional M&Ms ... plain & peanut. Others came forth with holiday M&Ms ... red & green ... mint flavored ones. There were peanut butter ones ... and dark chocolate ones, too.   Some came in candy cane tubes ... little packages ... big packages ... and a very cute plain M&M candy piece ornament for my tree ... to remind me that there really is magic ... year-after-year.

And everyone who was important to me got M&Ms ... in little bags with tags letting them know there were "miracles & magic" in there ... just waiting for them in the year ahead. 

It was interesting ... some people "got it" ... others simply didn't.  Guess it has something to do with their ability to believe ...

Those who believe ... receive ...

It's that time of year again ... and I am doing a lot of reflecting ... pondering ... on the months since last Christmas ...

A little magic ... was that really too much to ask?!?!

Saturday nite I went to a Christmas party ... at the home of someone I love ... a lot.  I wasn't supposed to be there.  It's not that I wasn't invited ... because I was ... well in advance.  It's just that my calendar had a couple of other commitments on it ... and I was trying to figure out how to be in all of those places at the same time ...

As the week unfolded , my calendar started clearing ... randomly.  One thing was moved to the next weekend ... another was cancelled all together ... and suddenly my evening was totally open  ...

Except for THAT one invitation. 

God's so funny ... like that.

It doesn't really matter who threw the party.  Well, actually, it IS important ... but this person doesn't like it when I talk about them in my blogs.  Makes them all squirmy & uncomfortable.  A little too real ... and out there ... or something like that.

There was good food.  Old friends.  New friends.  Pool playing.  Christmas caroling.  It's a long standing tradition in the lives of the hosts.  Year after year ... for 30 years ... a sharing of their hearts ... with people who are special to them.

I've been special to the person who invited me ... for a very long time ... he's been special to me ... for well over 30 years.  And maybe I've been there ... at the annual gathering in the past ... but if so, it was back in the early years ... and I really don't remember ...

It would have been in a different house ... a different life ...

The evening always ends with those present sharing something about the year past ... and what's coming next ...

The host invited people to speak ... in no particular order ... yeah, right ... at least that's what he said.  Early in the sharing, he called on Jessi ... as if she was just like everyone else ...

I always tense up a little when that happens.  Because Jessi isn't like everyone else.  And I always worry that somehow she won't be appropriate ... or accepted.

No one there knew her ... except for our hosts ... impossible for them to have known her ... since none of them had ever known me ... either ...

In her own way ... and her own words ... Jessi shared her heart. At first, she tried to talk about some of her soap opera friends ... because that's part of Jessi being Jessi ... with just a little prompting, though, she focused on what has been really important to her this past year.

She spoke of the things that mean the most to her ... her work ... her boyfriend ... and the making of the movie, STEP AWAY FROM THE STONE. 

As if ... she was ... just like everyone else.

Story after story was shared ... and we were down to the last 3 people ... and the young woman sitting next to me spoke what was in her heart ... she used words like change ... faith ... believing ... obedience ... she spoke of confidence in facing the uncertainty of what was coming next ...

... and I am thinking ... she's either been reading my blogs ... or my mind .... cuz she said all of the things I had been carefully preparing in my head since the whole thing started ... in the context of her own life ...

It was a set-up, of course. 

By my host ... and my best friend, God, Creator of the Universe. 
It blindsided me.
Who knew the two of them were in cahoots?!? 

Off balance ... I had to smile ... it was actually very cool.

You see, pretty much everyone had been there last year or the year before.  They knew before they arrived what was going to take place.  They had had days ... maybe even weeks .. to think about what they would share & how they would say it .... 

I only had minutes ... less than an hour ... and then right there at the end ... she said all of the things I was going to say ... personal things that were still a little bit safe and universal ...

*sigh* the things I was going to say ...

My host introduced me ... again ... for those who didn't figure out who I was ... or why I was there ... during the early socializing ... and then he said, "MJ goes last ... because whatever she says ... it's what's really real tonite ... because she wasn't supposed to be here ... and here she is ... so it must be important."

... and God nudged me and said ... "Don't ya get it, MJ?!?!  You asked for miracles.  Go ahead and tell them ... about miracles ... and doing things that don't make sense ... and putting it all on the line ... not knowing what the true cost will be ... just believing Me when I tell you that whatever it costs ... it will be worth it ..."

So I did.  I talked about being the Queen of Adventure and never staying in one place too long.  About not doing the same thing twice.  I am sure I rambled on and on.  At the end, I guess I said outloud what I came there to say ...

... that the things that I undertook during the last year ... the things that didn't make any sense ... those were all things that I couldn't NOT do ... and that the choices of the last year had cost me ... EVERYTHING ... financially and other ways as well ...

My host knew that already.  So did my Best Friend. 

Whatever it will ulitmately have cost me ... when the the total is calculated to the bottomline ... it will have been worth it.  Everything I have ... all of me ... that wouldn't be enough for the gift that was given in return.

That's pretty much what I said.  I think.  It probably didn't make sense.

Afterward, everyone ... who wanted to ... prayed outloud.  I don't like to pray outloud.  It's just awkward for me.  I was going to pass on that one.

One person prayed ... then another ... and out of the silence ... came Jessi's prayer ... eyes closed ... she spoke of love for her sister and the loss of Pete the Mighty dog ... she told God she loved Him ...

It was sincere ... genuine ... appropriate ... just like everyone else ...

Jessi's confidence & faith were just one of the miracles ... sitting in the room with me .... and I was totally humbled ... words came from somewhere ... and I prayed outloud, too.

It was a very, very special nite.

That little gathering of people who love each other ... shook up my bag of M&Ms, for sure ... because I'd been thinking a little too much about the missing magic ... for ME ... and losing sight of the miracles in the lives of the people I care about ... more than ... me.

As usual, Del was prepared on Sunday morning ... with a message just for ME ... it was called ... drum roll, please ... A Celebration of Miracles ... ba da bing.

Strength will arise as we wait upon the Lord.

We will wait upon the Lord. We will wait upon the Lord.

What is YOUR miracle this Christmas?  That's how he started.  And he listed up there on the screen a whole bunch of things that might or not be the miracle ... in any given person's life ...

The thought provoking question came immediately following the most terrific birthday song EVER ... Welcome to the Sunday Birthday Celebration ... something about "standing in the doorway ... flicking the lights ..."  and  "...this could be heaven ... or it could be Brother Del" ...

yeah ... it COULD be Brother Del ...

Rock on ...

For some of you this Christmas your family might be your miracle ...

Then just to be sure that I KNEW  ... without a doubt ... that He was talking to ME ... Del used one of my favorite obscure words ... lollygagging.  He didn't just say it once ... he elaborated on lollygagging ... to get my attention ... to make His point ...

Maybe what you have overcome & survived is your miracle this Christmas ... maybe it's God's unwavering love ... your miracle ... this Christmas ...

Nudge. Nudge. Same song ... Sing along with me, MJ.

You are the Everlasting God .. the Everlasting God ...

You do not faint ... you will not grow weary ...

God whispered ... "You DO NOT have the power ... to change the fact ...
that I love you!"

That's what He said ... I think Del said that He said it , too ... I never know for sure ... at times ... what I hear and what others hear ... when God & Del start double-teaming me ...

God's unwavering love.  Yes, that's it.  My miracle. 

So my M&Ms have been getting a pretty good shaking these last few days.

A little magic ... for me ... that's what's been on my mind ... how I've somehow been left out ... once again ... because I am not getting what I think I want ... and the nudges have been coming hard and fast ...

"What do you mean you aren't getting what you asked for, MaryJane?!?!

I know He means business when He calls me "MaryJane" and not "MJ" ....

Over the last couple of days ... it's been like a video retrospective in my head ... of the last 12 months ... a roll call of lives touched & hearts changed ... a miracle countdown ... if you will ...

Let's see ... there was the friend who needed a new lease on life ... then there's the friend who yearned for love and found it where & when they least expected to find it... 

Look what's happening in that life ... and that life ... and that life ...

What about the person who said ... this is my dream ... I don't know how to make it happen ... will you help me?  And even though you struggled to say "No" ... because it didn't make sense ... and you didn't know how either ... when I asked, you said, "Yes, Lord."

There's the friend who is facing hardship but instead of being defeated, is finding faith & confidence in Me ... what about that other friend who  is finding hope & purpose in that new place which is a long way from that old place ...

How could you overlook the friend who is having to sort through the fallout of the choices made that didn't turn out so well? And even over there in the life that you think has failed so miserably, there's still hope ... sometimes miracles take a little longer in a heart that's resisting every step of the way...

And while you were off doing that thing ... that really didn't make sense ... I was over here a-miracle-working ... in a GINORMOUS way ... that's what I call it ...

... he is simply calling it ... saving his life ...

Ginormous.  I like that.


It's been a year of miracles ... big miracles ... small miracles ... tiny miracles ... too many to count ... exactly what I asked for ... signed, sealed & delivered.

... so just cut me to the quick ... selfish, I have been ... I am ... for focusing on the "what about me?"...

Miracles don't come free.  And they aren't just answered prayers.  Somewhere ... someone ... has to put everything on the line ... to be willing to do the things that don't make sense ... to pay the price ...

It's right there in the Bible ... what has to happen ... in order for God to do His work ...

I heard the voice of the Lord, saying:

“ Whom shall I send,

And who will go for Us?”

Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

Isaiah 6:8 (New King James Version)

If you have to ask how much it costs  ... then you probably can't afford it  .... that's what the world says ... about the things that have become so important ... the things that are the measure of our worth and value ... it's exactly the same with miracles ...

"Don't think you're a hero,  MJ.  Cuz you're not."  That's what someone important told me earlier this year.  And he's right.  I am definitely NOT a hero ... or heroine ... or whatever is politically correct. 

I AM willing.  To go.  To do the hard stuff.  As long as I get to take along some M&Ms ... on my adventure.  It's sort of like David and his slingshot.  Let me fight the battles with things that are familiar and comfortable.  Just give me some M&Ms ... and I am ALL in

This morning, I was posting the Day 66 song ... it's my offering in a friend's personal 90 day journey ... she wrote about "a glimmer" ... that's another one of my favorite words ... very cool ... so it's not surprising that I chose a song about miracles ....

Who knows what miracles you can achieve

If you believe ...

Tears flowed ... as the song played ... in my den this morning.  And I had a heart-to-heart with my Best Friend ... after all, I owed Him a huge apology.  So I said, "I'm sorry ... for being all-about-me ... for wanting what I want when I want it" 

And I thanked Him for each miracle ... individually ... specifically ... saying outloud the names of those people I care about most ... who show up on the miracle roll call for 2010.

Then I poured out those M&Ms ... shaken not stirred ... from the bag I've been carrying them around in all year  .... and took inventory.  

The peanut ones are BIGGER ... so there are fewer in a regular package ...

And in a mixed bag ... the plain ones always outnumber the peanut ones ... everyone knows that ... it just makes sense.

Not so ... in my bag this morning ... a plethora of Peanut Ms on the tally table ... too many to count.  And there were just a few of the smaller plain Ms on the table ... easily counted on one hand. 

Peanut = Miracles ... Plain = Magic ....

Humbled, I said, "Take them ALL ... every single one of the little plain M&Ms  ... I will gladly trade ALL of MY magic ... for THEIR miracles." 

And I mean it.  Touching lives ... making a difference ...that's what matters most to me.  That's where I find my joy ...

He knows that ... He knows everything about me.

In the still of the moment, He smiled ... one of those glorious smiles that light up the universe ...

"Let's leave a few of those plain ole M&Ms  in the bag, MJ"

 ... that's what He said ... 

"Because ....

The year's not over ... not yet."

http://www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com/

(c) December 2010

Miracles & God-Things

Today was a weird day.  It was full of God-things.  You know, things that simply can't be explained.


And God-things aren't always wonderful...spectacular....great.  Sometimes they are simple, ordinary....special all the same.


The day started with a rainbow outside my front door.  I love rainbows.  And I know that they aren't always just for me....take today....I was having a sort of disconnected morning....nothing was really coming together as I was trying to leave the house....


....and for the record, the entire day was that way....disconnected.


I stepped outside.  There was this nice rainbow.  And then I remembered what today was....June 3.


It was Mimi's birthday. 


Mimi was my mother's mother.  My grandmother.  She has been gone from me for many years. 


I stood there in awe of God's faithfulness.  There is no doubt that God allowed Mimi to slip through a crack between heaven & earth....for just a few minutes....to smile on me...today....


As if to say, "it's ok, little darling, I am right here....always."


Yep.  This time it was MY rainbow.  It was definitely a God-thing.


Later in the morning I checked my inbox.  Just a few minutes after I headed down the street, a friend had sent me an email with a picture of....you guessed it....the rainbow.  Seems she encountered it on her way this morning, too. 


It was cool.  In her picture, it appears that the rainbow is ending in the back of the dump truck on the road just in front of her.  Wow!  She was sure that rainbow was "hers"....and she wanted to share it with me because she knows I collect rainbow pictures.


It was definitely a God-thing.


All through the day, I allowed myself to wander back to Mimi.  It's been sometime since I've allowed myself to just miss her.  I was her only granddaughter and we were very close.  Our relationship was full of love & very special.


Mimi loved God.   When I was a small child, she lived in downtown Little Rock and would take me along to one of those downtown churches.  It was beautiful & solemn with stained glass windows. 


As I moved into my preteen years, she & Gee moved to "the farm".  It was a few acres at the foot of Pinnacle Mountain which is now considered part of Little Rock.  Back then, it was a pretty good drive from town.  During those years, she attended a small, country church.  Services there involved a lot of standing & singing & standing & singing.


Later, after Gee died, she moved into Plaza Towers.  For the remainder of her life, she attended church at the small neighborhood church that I had grown up in.


Mimi taught me about faith by the way she lived her life.  She prayed about everything.  She read her Bible often.  She was a faithful volunteer who gave her time & energy to a wide range of causes.  It was not uncommon for her to be asked to prepare the invocation or lead the prayer at large and small gatherings.


Mimi probably really didn't give much thought to God-things.  She was more miracle minded, I think.  There's wasn't much that God did....or could do....that surprised her.  And I am grateful for her sharing those beliefs with me year-after-year....even though it took quite a long time for me to reach the place in my walk to know God in the same confident way.


Mimi loved pretty things.  Clothes.  A nice table setting.  Flowers.  Every meal at her house was an occasion.  There were lovely tablecloths or festive handsewn placemants at every seat.  And an arrangement of her own design to set the tone for whatever we were celebrating. 

Sometimes it was simply time together....that was celebration enough.


She was known throughout her circles of friends & acquaintances for her floral arranging talents.  Everyone who knew her knew that she loved flowers.  Daisies were her favorite.


Pretty tables. Flowers. Kindness. Faith.  These are the things I remember most about Mimi.  And she loved me unconditionally.


A lot of who I am is a reflection of her.  And even though I am far from perfect, I think she would be proud of who I am today.....the things that are important to me....my values & my faith.


The rainbow this morning reminded me of Mimi's passing....and the miracle that immediately followed.  It was bigger than a God-thing....it was a plain & simple miracle.


During Mimi's last days, she was hindered by diminished eyesight.  It had been a long time since she'd been able to drive herself.  That never slowed her down.  That morning she baked two pies.  One for herself....or maybe for some company that would be coming for a meal in the next day or so.  And one for her neighbor who lived a few floors down who couldn't get around so well.


I wasn't living here at the time.  We talked often. Several times a week. 


So as the pies were cooling, she called to tell me about her day.  After our conversation, she left her apartment with the pie & went to visit her shut-in neighbor.   When her visit was done, she entered the elevator on the third floor of her building and when the doors opened on the fifth floor ....her floor....she was found there on the elevator.


Just like that she was gone.  And in the elevator where she would be found quickly....not alone in her apartment where it might have been days before anyone realized that something was amiss.  It was a blessing....yes, THAT was a God-thing!


So the family gathered.  Arrangements were made.  And flowers began arriving.  On the day of the funeral, there were so many beautiful flowers it was as if you were lost in a garden.  Mimi would have loved that. 


After the graveside service, flowers were sent home with friends & family.  Flowers were dispatched to the church.  And gorgeous sprays of fresh cut flowers were left at the cemetery. 


It was mid-week....September....and it was HOT!  The sprays were taken off their stands.  The water ran out onto the ground.  And Mimi was covered in a lovely blanket of flowers.


Several days passed.  The things that had to be taken care of immediately were handled.  It was time for my mother & I to return to our respective homes....out-of-town.  On the way to catch my flight, my mother & decided to stop by the cemetery for one last visit with Mimi.


It was hot.  There hadn't been a drop of rain in the days since the funeral.  Surely the flowers had all dried up & withered in the heat.


Imagine our surprise when we arrived there and found ALL of the arrangements....laying on the ground....in full bloom....unwithered....glorious, vibrant, beautiful....ALIVE!


There is no doubt that Mimi had been there tending to her flowers....making sure that they were watered & cared for until we returned....it was her way of letting us know that all was well....


All was well.


It's a true story.  Honest.


The arrangements looked as if they had been delivered fresh from the florist.  My mom decided to take two of the arrangements back to my brother's house with her to "replace" some of the flowers that hadn't lasted the week....inside with constant attention. 


At the time, we were both too numb to fully understand the wonder of it. 


But that's how God works sometimes.  He shows us something today....that's special....but we don't really get it until sometime later....when we are ready....or we simply need a reminder....to believe.


Fast forward a few years.  My mother and I were sharing a visit. It was shortly after her husband....my stepfather....had passed away.


And we wandered into a deep conversation about God....and faith....and the Bible.   She asked me, "Do you really believe everything in the Bible is true? That it happened exactly the way it's told there?"


I looked at her a little stunned. 


My mother had taken us to church regularly throughout our childhood.  She taught Sunday School to five year olds....and she was asking ME if I believed that the stories of miracles....impossible things... in the Bible were true.


I said, "Yes, Mom, I do."


After a period of silence, I realized that possibly she was struggling....to believe.


It's easy for that to happen.  Life just starts unfolding....things that aren't really good happen....and sometimes prayers seem to be unanswered.  And you hurt...and you wonder....surely if God can do all of THOSE things, He wouldn't let these things happen in my life.


So I reminded her that we....she and I....had actually witnessed a miracle. One that was personal & that God had prepared just for us.


It wasn't grand....it wasn't earth-shattering....it wasn't important to anyone else...only she & I. It was impossible for those flowers to be alive. There was no logical explanation for it.


It was simply your garden-variety miracle.


She smiled.  I think maybe we both cried a little.  She had forgotten about the flowers. 


Which is OK....God knows we all forget from time to time....He understands.


The really cool thing is that He doesn't ever forget about us.  Even when it seems like He's no where around.


And on days like today....He sends us rainbows....as a reminder of His faithfulness....


You see, it's not that I had forgotten about the flowers....it's just that I hadn't thought about them in awhile. 


Today was definitely disconnected.  And for every random annoying thing....there was a weird implausible solution.


So it was perfectly natural, I think....for God to remind me of the flowers....of miracles.... today....on Mimi's birthday....with a rainbow....

It was definitely a God-thing.

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com
(c) Mary Jane Sawyer, June 2010