Inside out ...

... you're almost there, MJ ...

It was barely a whisper & I almost didn't hear it. 

The top was down & Jessi was singing along with Selah on the way to church last Sunday.  SELAH: You Deliver Me

... then I heard it again ... a little more persistent ...

You're ALMOST there ...

I am not sure where it is that I almost am ... guess it's gonna be one of those surprise trips ... you know where a loved one tells you to pack a bag with no clues as to your destination ... never actually had that experience before ... but all my friends tell me that those are the best trips ... ever ...

spontaneous ... fun ... full of surprises ...

I love surprises ...

Last weekend I shared in the joy of the union of two good friends ... Susan & Mark.  The special thing isn't that they are my good friends ... rather that THEY are good friends ... and their love for each other is reflected on their faces ... for all the world to see ... every time they look at each other ...

... wouldn't it be great if we could all find someone who made us feel as good as that look ?!?

Friday evening, I went by to visit with Susan and her family before the big day Saturday.  As I was leaving the beautiful house on Hill Road ... there on the sidewalk leading to my car ... sat the most beautiful box turtle I have ever seen ...

The sun was still shining as twilight approached ... maybe he was just waiting for the change ...

Or maybe he was just waiting on me ...


As I approached , he extended his head as far out of his shell as his little neck would allow ... not once did he flinch or withdraw into the safety of it ...

I paused  ... it was a powerful moment ... "it's ok to come on out, MJ ... the world is waiting on you" ... he seemed to say ...boldly staring me down ...

The turtle was challenging me to take the chance ... to see what was on the outside ... and let others see what's really on the inside ...

... you're almost there, mary jane ...

So over the weekend I spent some time on turtle ponderings & research ... at first I was sure that I was going to find that a turtle in the yard was some traditional homespun symbol of happiness & joy & love ... that it's presence there on the sidewalk was really a blessing on the marriage of my friends ...

... because honestly, I never really think the blessing is for me ...

I was wrong. 

Turtle's live the longest lives of almost any known creature ... sometimes over a hundred years.  They take their time ...pace themselves ... and pretty much move quietly from place to place ... rarely causing a ruckus or a fuss ...

Impatiently waiting patiently ... like me ...

The turtle’s pace reminds us to slow down and take our time...that sometimes it’s okay to live inside a shell ... only peeking out from time-to-time to be sure of where we are ... even if we don't know where we are going ...

Ancient myth says that the Earth is resting atop a turtle's back ... balanced perfectly on it's shell.  The turtle is considered a safe place for the world to rest ... patient & wise ... offering a sound foundation for those who travel the turtle's path from time to time ... receiving turtle gifts on the outside ... never realizing that the real turtle is cozied up on the inside ...

Turtles are the most ancient of vertebrates.  And while box turtles aren't the beauty queens of nature, they have a loveliness that is uniquely their own.  Colorful markings make each shell special ... individual .,, maybe even one of a kind ... or maybe one in ten million ...

Never really thought of myself as a box turtle.  Truth is, I do often feel as if I have the world sitting on my shell.  That's not like the weight of the world ... more like, providing a solid, stable place for people I care about to rest while I continue to move in some direction ... forward ... taking them along with me rather than leaving them behind simply because they are too tired to move on their own ... because instinctively I know that I must NOT stop moving ...

And even though, the "me" that people see is well received ... I know that I have been hiding ... there inside my shell ... for ... well,  for too long ... I guess...

The turtle spoke to me so clearly that I went to my car & retrieved my camera.  I was sure that by the time I returned it would have ambled on it's way ... unconcerned with me or my fascination with it.

Again, I was wrong.  He was still there waiting for me ... when I returned ... and me & my camera didn't phase him a bit ... head extended ... there was definite eye contact between me & my boxed-in friend ... and then he smiled ... and slowly turned away ...

Pete would have loved it.  Box turtles were his favorite friends.  He would race down the sides of the hill at Aunt Julia's and triumphantly return with his prize ... gingerly carried in his mouth & placed at my feet ... it was always a box turtle ... locked up tight in it's shell ...

... I would always bring them home to live in our yard ... to play with Pete.  From time to time,  they would come out from whereever they would burrow in.  Pete would race joyfully around them ... barking ... barking ... as if to say, "Please come out ... show me who you are on the inside ... I picked you out ... brought you home ... because I think you're special ... won't you please let me in?!?"

*sigh*  I miss Pete ... and Aunt Julia ... and wonder where all of those box turtles have gone ...

Almost there ... really?! ... I'm not sure ... that's what God said ... not me ...

Box turtles on Saturday ... whispers on Sunday ... and, of course, Del weighed in from the platform ... the message of the day:  When You Are Ready ...

...ready to live life fully ... to give your heart ... to put your life & heart on the line ...

Of course ... THAT was the message  ...

And just in case I didn't GET it ... in case I am still hesitating ... to let anyone see me from the inside out ... another friend randomly opened her facebook fortune cookie one day this week ... there it was blatantly posted on her wall & my newsfeed ...

YOU ARE ALMOST THERE

A little hard to ignore the message when it just keeps showing up ... over and over and over ... just like Pete's friendly bark ...

Come on out, MJ ... show yourself ... someone is waiting just for you ...

Laughing ... I was laughing at God and His deliberate absurdity ... so I clicked open my little fortune cookie which is not one of the facebook thingys that I had ever found interesting ... sure that the randomness of it would somehow allow me to ignore the message ...

BELIEVE IT CAN BE SO

... that was my little fortune note ...

Once again my best friend, God - Creator of the Universe, was having a rollicking good time ... with me ... "C'mon, MJ --- where's your sense of humor?!?" He said with a radiant smile. "I'm not laughing AT you ... laugh WITH Me!"

So, yeah, I am laughing ... outloud ... from the inside out ...

A friend told me over the weekend that he saw it there in my eyes ... not always on the outside ... but he could see it in my eyes, most of the time.

There are no coincidences ... or random encounters ... just like right now as the one song I don't want to hear ... fills the room from the radio ... pushing me so far ...

Everything will change ... everything will change ...

I am almost there.

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com

(c) Mary Jane Sawyerm , 2010