A Little Bit Of Magic ...

Yesterday I was reminded by someone who knows me really well of how very blessed I am to have good friends ... who love me.  I know that.  Of course, it never hurts to be reminded every now and again.

The coolness of my friends is reflected in the very special gifts I have been receiving this holiday season.  One of the first gifts I received was a rock paperweight thingy with the message:

Sometimes you just have to

take the leap

and build your wings on the way down.

And then there was the very fun ... very SMALL ... t-shirt that arrived in the mail from an out-of-town friend.  The image of the icky ole witch being crushed by the Ho Ho Ho's ... is so very MJ ... it's perfect!

Abbi, who knows me best of all, showed up on Christmas Eve with a handfull of

tree-shaped pine-scented air freshners that she hung throughout the branches of my humongous artifiical tree so that on Christmas morning when we all got up to open gifts ... the tree would smell ... REAL!

... I really loved that!

It's awesome to receive things ... even the simplest of things ... from someone who really knows you ... and goes out of the way to give you something ... chosen especially for ... you!

Beautiful candles on a handcrafted tray ... exactly the same cinnamony color as my kitchen ... made up another special gift from a friend who has known me for at least two lifetimes.  The gift was thoughtful & lovely ... but it was the boxes that captured my imagination.  Printed on the outside of each one was the name of the studio of the artist who designed the piece as well as the message:

Be A Part of "THE STORY"

 I went to the website to find out what the tag line was all about ... to explain why that was printed across the front of the box ... nothing was there. 

And it wasn't just one box ... the candles were in a box that said "Be A Part of THE STORY" ... and the tray was in a box that said "Be A Part of THE STORY" ... 

It's as if the artist knew me ... personally. Seriously. I am all about the stories!

No doubt the message was there ... just for me!

People have been giving me angels since the day I was born.  My dad called me "Angelfluff" throughout my childhood. Gifts have come from my Mimi and my Mother addressed to "my lil angel" and "my angel" all of my life.  Abbi & I have exchanged angels for most of her life, too.

This year, there were three special angels. 

One from Abbi.  A beautiful creature with red hair and a handful of stars ... it's an all-year-round angel ... she will sit out somewhere special to remind me every day ... to dream big ... to reach for the stars!

There were two cards inside of the box with the next one ...

I hope this piece has

personal meaning for you

... a little reminder ... a reflection ...

a gesture that marks a memory ...

Gosh, there was no way I wouldn't be liking a gift that came with a note like that in the top of the box!  And inside, was a beautiful Willow Tree Angel. 

Arms spread wide ... her name is Happiness ...  free to sing, laugh, dance ... create!

And the personal, handwritten note from my friend ... that so touched my heart ....

 To: Mary Jane

... for showing me how to choose happy!

Wow!  It's always wonderful to discover that a little bit of difference was made in a friend's life by something I say or do!

My last angel was a totally random gift.  I know that because when the gift was offered up, the giver said from across the room...."You're going to laugh when you see what it is ..."

The box was really terrific.  It was triangle shaped and was one of those gift boxes that's got a pre-printed design on it.  This one was an abstract pattern with mauves, tans & grays running together. Very interesting.

I LOVE fun boxes.  People who really know me know that often I get more excited over an unusual box than what's inside.  So I was "ooohing" and "aaahing" over the box when the disclaimer came out-of-the-blue.

Gently I lifted the lid. 

Wrapped in tissue was an exquisite crystal ball with a crystal angel inside.

It took my breath away. 

Crystal things have always been my most favorite things. Aunt Julia started giving me pieces of crystal when I was about 13.   Somehow along the way, most of those pieces have been packed away as we moved from one place to another and have never been unpacked here.  I am going to find those things once I am done taking the Christmas things down.

That's a lost part of MJ that I am ready to unwrap ... & re-discover ...

The giver of the gift made another comment from across the room ... about the irony of it ... seems she had observed another gift being opened in our midst that she thought had been given by me ... a crystal angel ... only it wasn't ... from me.

Stunned.  How is it possible that this person ...who has known me for most of my adult life ... really doesn't have a clue ... about me?  About this gift?

It wasn't actually a snow globe.  Instead of shaking it up to see the snowflakes fall .. it had a switch on the bottom.  Push the button ... and presto ... a fiber optic light show plays out inside the globe.  Brilliant, jewel tone colors flash randomly ... bathing the little angel ... in a kaleidoscope of colors ...

a rainbow inside of a crystal ball ..

The tears came.  I simply couldn't help myself.  I was totally caught off guard ... and was immediately overwhelmed ... then the whisper came ... it's too personal to share ...

... it was of very great significance ...

Now I know ... without a doubt ... that I am somehow getting it right ... the moving towards the life I want to be living ...

  

It would have been different, I guess ... if the giver had really thought ... really known ... how special the gift in the nifty box really was going to be ... to me.  But ... that person ... didn't get it ... so there's no doubt who was behind the gift ... my Best Friend ... making His presence known ... once again.

Cool.  So very cool.

Yes.  I am blessed by friends & family who love me.  My gifts this year reflect those intimate connections. 

Of course, my true Christmas wish ... made a year ago... for a little bit of magic ... to be found at some unexpected time during the year that is now ending ... remains elusive.  It's not something that someone can wrap up in a box ... and put under my tree ...

However, tucked way down in the toe of my stocking ... wrapped in some very old, yellowed tissue paper ... were a pair of ruby slippers ... ceramic ... salt & pepper shakers ... with a collector type stamp on the bottom ... they aren't bejeweled or sparkly ... ruby-colored, though & totally functional ...

Neither of the elves in my house who might have participated in the stuffing of my stocking had any knowledge of their origin. 

I know ... you are thinking ... one of them must have been responsible for the neat little gift ...

The one elf isn't capable of keeping a secret of that nature ... and the other one was as totally surprised as I was at my discovery ... so I am positive that she wasn't responsible for the surprise ... either ...

... a little bit of magic ...

I'm sure there's a message there ... in the ruby slippers ...

in all of my other gifts ...

The Wizard of Oz has always been one of my favorite stories ... so I went looking for something other than the obvious

"there's no place like home" meaning ...  

I was pretty sure that I had vivid & accurate recollection of all of the memorable lines ... imagine my surprise when I visited the AMC Classic Film website and found this descriptive passage ...

She (Glenda) descends to the ground in her familiar,

shimmering, rainbow-hued bubble from the sky.

Glinda steps out of the ball of light and kindly tells Dorothy that

she has always had the power to go home

with the magical power of her ruby slippers,

but she had to discover it for herself.

Dorothy: Oh, will you help me? Can you help me?

Glinda: You don't need to be helped any longer.

You've always had the power to go back to Kansas.

Dorothy: I have?

Scarecrow: Then why didn't you tell her before?

Glinda: Because she wouldn't have believed me.

She had to learn it for herself.

Dorothy insightfully explains what she has learned from her experience -

during her dream of being in Oz.

In a self-revelation, she realizes that everything she could ever have wanted was right in her own backyard -

IF she had wanted it hard enough. She relinquishes the miracle-working power of the Wizard -  he has floated away -

and relies upon her own power and personality

to find her independent identity and way home.

She has confronted her childhood fears and grown up emotionally

with strength enough to meet her adult future.

In some ways, the journey was as rewarding

as the accomplishment of her goal.

 

Dorothy: Well, I think that it, that it wasn't enough just to want to see

Uncle Henry and Auntie Em,

and it's that if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again,

I won't look any further than my own backyard because, if it isn't there,

I never really lost it to begin with. Is that right?

Glinda: That's all it is!

Scarecrow: But that's so easy! I should've thought of it for you -

Tin Man: I should have felt it in my heart -

Glinda: No, she had to find it out for herself. Now those magic slippers will take you home in two seconds!

Dorothy: Oh! Toto too?

Glinda: Toto too.

Dorothy: Now?

Glinda: Whenever you wish!

Everyone who knows me ... knows that I don't believe in coincidences ...

Dorothy found her way ... home ...
,,, with a little help from her friends ... & so will I ..

Take a look again at my very special gifts ... follow the yellow brick road ...



Be a part of the story ... a personal meaning just for me ... ruby slippers ...

a crystal globe full of rainbow colors ...

 choose happy ... reach for the stars ...

I just had to learn it for myself ... 

my heart's desire ...

whenever I wish ...

Three days left ... until the new year begins ...

... there's still time ... for a little bit of magic ...

I believe!

http://www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com/

(c) December 2010





Eclipse ....

eclipse - the passing into the shadow of a celestial body — occultation



hmmm ...

oc·cul·ta·tion    noun \ˌä-(ˌ)kəl-ˈtā-shən  ---  the state of being hidden from view or lost to notice



View of Winter Solstice Eclipse
by Paul Henry...
Looked the same at my house, too!



That's what webster.com has to say about it ... so why was I so surprised that the cloud cover was so heavy that I couldn't even catch a glimpse of the moon ... much less the event of the winter solstice full lunar eclipse?!? 

Seems like there's a lot of things that are unfolding .... developing ....  happening ... that are hidden from view ... surprises ... that haven't reached their time ... not yet ....

Thank goodness I have great friends ... in all kinds of nifty places ... who GOT to see the eclipse ... and are sharing pictures ...  friends who can see things .... that I can't see ... right now ...

I have had two very special surprises this week, though!  And they were absolutley, positively UNEXPECTED ... you know, out-of-the-clear-blue kind of surprises!  The ones that make you gasp ... just a little ... because it's just so dad-gum special!

Those are the best kind ... almost like magic ... but not quite ...

I have sent my short list to Santa.  Just three things.  That's been my "tradition" since my divorce.  A simple list of three ... generally intangible ... wishes.  Simple wishes with improbable, impossible outcomes.

I try to be open-minded ... with no preconceived notion of what the gift will look like .... when it arrives ... because ... well, I LOVE surprises!

In the last four years, Santa hasn't let me down. 

In addition to my "private" list last year was the very public M&M Christmas wish ... miracles & magic ... for everyone!

The peanut Ms (miracles) were too numerous too count  ... as the
year-in-review  retrospective played in my head last week.   And at least five more have taken place ... or been brought to my attention ... it seems that every peanut M in my bag will be claimed & accounted for by the end of the year.

Much like the eclipse this week  ... miracles happen ... unseen ...
covered by the hand of God.

And there's been a whole bunch of plain Ms (magic) sprinkled around, too ... throughout the lives of so many of my friends ... everyone has their own idea of what would be magical for them ... of course ... so those plain Ms have been showing up in a variety of colors & flavors ... based on those individual preferences ...

It's a little less than two weeks ... to the new year ... there's still time ... for a little bit of magic ... to come my way ... it could happen ...

*sigh* yeah, right .... a little bit of magic ... for MJ ...

Now THAT would be a miracle ....

Still, I am believing ... because a fairy godmother of a gal that I met a month or so ago told me ....

Those who believe .... receive!

http://www.lifelessons-mj-blogspot.com/

(c) December 2010

M & Ms

Miracles & Magic.  M&Ms. 

Peanut ones represent the miracles ... plain ones, the magic.

 

That's what I asked for last year
for Christmas. 
Just a whole bunch of M&Ms, Santa
.... pretty please.

Friends came through BIG time.  I had traditional M&Ms ... plain & peanut. Others came forth with holiday M&Ms ... red & green ... mint flavored ones. There were peanut butter ones ... and dark chocolate ones, too.   Some came in candy cane tubes ... little packages ... big packages ... and a very cute plain M&M candy piece ornament for my tree ... to remind me that there really is magic ... year-after-year.

And everyone who was important to me got M&Ms ... in little bags with tags letting them know there were "miracles & magic" in there ... just waiting for them in the year ahead. 

It was interesting ... some people "got it" ... others simply didn't.  Guess it has something to do with their ability to believe ...

Those who believe ... receive ...

It's that time of year again ... and I am doing a lot of reflecting ... pondering ... on the months since last Christmas ...

A little magic ... was that really too much to ask?!?!

Saturday nite I went to a Christmas party ... at the home of someone I love ... a lot.  I wasn't supposed to be there.  It's not that I wasn't invited ... because I was ... well in advance.  It's just that my calendar had a couple of other commitments on it ... and I was trying to figure out how to be in all of those places at the same time ...

As the week unfolded , my calendar started clearing ... randomly.  One thing was moved to the next weekend ... another was cancelled all together ... and suddenly my evening was totally open  ...

Except for THAT one invitation. 

God's so funny ... like that.

It doesn't really matter who threw the party.  Well, actually, it IS important ... but this person doesn't like it when I talk about them in my blogs.  Makes them all squirmy & uncomfortable.  A little too real ... and out there ... or something like that.

There was good food.  Old friends.  New friends.  Pool playing.  Christmas caroling.  It's a long standing tradition in the lives of the hosts.  Year after year ... for 30 years ... a sharing of their hearts ... with people who are special to them.

I've been special to the person who invited me ... for a very long time ... he's been special to me ... for well over 30 years.  And maybe I've been there ... at the annual gathering in the past ... but if so, it was back in the early years ... and I really don't remember ...

It would have been in a different house ... a different life ...

The evening always ends with those present sharing something about the year past ... and what's coming next ...

The host invited people to speak ... in no particular order ... yeah, right ... at least that's what he said.  Early in the sharing, he called on Jessi ... as if she was just like everyone else ...

I always tense up a little when that happens.  Because Jessi isn't like everyone else.  And I always worry that somehow she won't be appropriate ... or accepted.

No one there knew her ... except for our hosts ... impossible for them to have known her ... since none of them had ever known me ... either ...

In her own way ... and her own words ... Jessi shared her heart. At first, she tried to talk about some of her soap opera friends ... because that's part of Jessi being Jessi ... with just a little prompting, though, she focused on what has been really important to her this past year.

She spoke of the things that mean the most to her ... her work ... her boyfriend ... and the making of the movie, STEP AWAY FROM THE STONE. 

As if ... she was ... just like everyone else.

Story after story was shared ... and we were down to the last 3 people ... and the young woman sitting next to me spoke what was in her heart ... she used words like change ... faith ... believing ... obedience ... she spoke of confidence in facing the uncertainty of what was coming next ...

... and I am thinking ... she's either been reading my blogs ... or my mind .... cuz she said all of the things I had been carefully preparing in my head since the whole thing started ... in the context of her own life ...

It was a set-up, of course. 

By my host ... and my best friend, God, Creator of the Universe. 
It blindsided me.
Who knew the two of them were in cahoots?!? 

Off balance ... I had to smile ... it was actually very cool.

You see, pretty much everyone had been there last year or the year before.  They knew before they arrived what was going to take place.  They had had days ... maybe even weeks .. to think about what they would share & how they would say it .... 

I only had minutes ... less than an hour ... and then right there at the end ... she said all of the things I was going to say ... personal things that were still a little bit safe and universal ...

*sigh* the things I was going to say ...

My host introduced me ... again ... for those who didn't figure out who I was ... or why I was there ... during the early socializing ... and then he said, "MJ goes last ... because whatever she says ... it's what's really real tonite ... because she wasn't supposed to be here ... and here she is ... so it must be important."

... and God nudged me and said ... "Don't ya get it, MJ?!?!  You asked for miracles.  Go ahead and tell them ... about miracles ... and doing things that don't make sense ... and putting it all on the line ... not knowing what the true cost will be ... just believing Me when I tell you that whatever it costs ... it will be worth it ..."

So I did.  I talked about being the Queen of Adventure and never staying in one place too long.  About not doing the same thing twice.  I am sure I rambled on and on.  At the end, I guess I said outloud what I came there to say ...

... that the things that I undertook during the last year ... the things that didn't make any sense ... those were all things that I couldn't NOT do ... and that the choices of the last year had cost me ... EVERYTHING ... financially and other ways as well ...

My host knew that already.  So did my Best Friend. 

Whatever it will ulitmately have cost me ... when the the total is calculated to the bottomline ... it will have been worth it.  Everything I have ... all of me ... that wouldn't be enough for the gift that was given in return.

That's pretty much what I said.  I think.  It probably didn't make sense.

Afterward, everyone ... who wanted to ... prayed outloud.  I don't like to pray outloud.  It's just awkward for me.  I was going to pass on that one.

One person prayed ... then another ... and out of the silence ... came Jessi's prayer ... eyes closed ... she spoke of love for her sister and the loss of Pete the Mighty dog ... she told God she loved Him ...

It was sincere ... genuine ... appropriate ... just like everyone else ...

Jessi's confidence & faith were just one of the miracles ... sitting in the room with me .... and I was totally humbled ... words came from somewhere ... and I prayed outloud, too.

It was a very, very special nite.

That little gathering of people who love each other ... shook up my bag of M&Ms, for sure ... because I'd been thinking a little too much about the missing magic ... for ME ... and losing sight of the miracles in the lives of the people I care about ... more than ... me.

As usual, Del was prepared on Sunday morning ... with a message just for ME ... it was called ... drum roll, please ... A Celebration of Miracles ... ba da bing.

Strength will arise as we wait upon the Lord.

We will wait upon the Lord. We will wait upon the Lord.

What is YOUR miracle this Christmas?  That's how he started.  And he listed up there on the screen a whole bunch of things that might or not be the miracle ... in any given person's life ...

The thought provoking question came immediately following the most terrific birthday song EVER ... Welcome to the Sunday Birthday Celebration ... something about "standing in the doorway ... flicking the lights ..."  and  "...this could be heaven ... or it could be Brother Del" ...

yeah ... it COULD be Brother Del ...

Rock on ...

For some of you this Christmas your family might be your miracle ...

Then just to be sure that I KNEW  ... without a doubt ... that He was talking to ME ... Del used one of my favorite obscure words ... lollygagging.  He didn't just say it once ... he elaborated on lollygagging ... to get my attention ... to make His point ...

Maybe what you have overcome & survived is your miracle this Christmas ... maybe it's God's unwavering love ... your miracle ... this Christmas ...

Nudge. Nudge. Same song ... Sing along with me, MJ.

You are the Everlasting God .. the Everlasting God ...

You do not faint ... you will not grow weary ...

God whispered ... "You DO NOT have the power ... to change the fact ...
that I love you!"

That's what He said ... I think Del said that He said it , too ... I never know for sure ... at times ... what I hear and what others hear ... when God & Del start double-teaming me ...

God's unwavering love.  Yes, that's it.  My miracle. 

So my M&Ms have been getting a pretty good shaking these last few days.

A little magic ... for me ... that's what's been on my mind ... how I've somehow been left out ... once again ... because I am not getting what I think I want ... and the nudges have been coming hard and fast ...

"What do you mean you aren't getting what you asked for, MaryJane?!?!

I know He means business when He calls me "MaryJane" and not "MJ" ....

Over the last couple of days ... it's been like a video retrospective in my head ... of the last 12 months ... a roll call of lives touched & hearts changed ... a miracle countdown ... if you will ...

Let's see ... there was the friend who needed a new lease on life ... then there's the friend who yearned for love and found it where & when they least expected to find it... 

Look what's happening in that life ... and that life ... and that life ...

What about the person who said ... this is my dream ... I don't know how to make it happen ... will you help me?  And even though you struggled to say "No" ... because it didn't make sense ... and you didn't know how either ... when I asked, you said, "Yes, Lord."

There's the friend who is facing hardship but instead of being defeated, is finding faith & confidence in Me ... what about that other friend who  is finding hope & purpose in that new place which is a long way from that old place ...

How could you overlook the friend who is having to sort through the fallout of the choices made that didn't turn out so well? And even over there in the life that you think has failed so miserably, there's still hope ... sometimes miracles take a little longer in a heart that's resisting every step of the way...

And while you were off doing that thing ... that really didn't make sense ... I was over here a-miracle-working ... in a GINORMOUS way ... that's what I call it ...

... he is simply calling it ... saving his life ...

Ginormous.  I like that.


It's been a year of miracles ... big miracles ... small miracles ... tiny miracles ... too many to count ... exactly what I asked for ... signed, sealed & delivered.

... so just cut me to the quick ... selfish, I have been ... I am ... for focusing on the "what about me?"...

Miracles don't come free.  And they aren't just answered prayers.  Somewhere ... someone ... has to put everything on the line ... to be willing to do the things that don't make sense ... to pay the price ...

It's right there in the Bible ... what has to happen ... in order for God to do His work ...

I heard the voice of the Lord, saying:

“ Whom shall I send,

And who will go for Us?”

Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

Isaiah 6:8 (New King James Version)

If you have to ask how much it costs  ... then you probably can't afford it  .... that's what the world says ... about the things that have become so important ... the things that are the measure of our worth and value ... it's exactly the same with miracles ...

"Don't think you're a hero,  MJ.  Cuz you're not."  That's what someone important told me earlier this year.  And he's right.  I am definitely NOT a hero ... or heroine ... or whatever is politically correct. 

I AM willing.  To go.  To do the hard stuff.  As long as I get to take along some M&Ms ... on my adventure.  It's sort of like David and his slingshot.  Let me fight the battles with things that are familiar and comfortable.  Just give me some M&Ms ... and I am ALL in

This morning, I was posting the Day 66 song ... it's my offering in a friend's personal 90 day journey ... she wrote about "a glimmer" ... that's another one of my favorite words ... very cool ... so it's not surprising that I chose a song about miracles ....

Who knows what miracles you can achieve

If you believe ...

Tears flowed ... as the song played ... in my den this morning.  And I had a heart-to-heart with my Best Friend ... after all, I owed Him a huge apology.  So I said, "I'm sorry ... for being all-about-me ... for wanting what I want when I want it" 

And I thanked Him for each miracle ... individually ... specifically ... saying outloud the names of those people I care about most ... who show up on the miracle roll call for 2010.

Then I poured out those M&Ms ... shaken not stirred ... from the bag I've been carrying them around in all year  .... and took inventory.  

The peanut ones are BIGGER ... so there are fewer in a regular package ...

And in a mixed bag ... the plain ones always outnumber the peanut ones ... everyone knows that ... it just makes sense.

Not so ... in my bag this morning ... a plethora of Peanut Ms on the tally table ... too many to count.  And there were just a few of the smaller plain Ms on the table ... easily counted on one hand. 

Peanut = Miracles ... Plain = Magic ....

Humbled, I said, "Take them ALL ... every single one of the little plain M&Ms  ... I will gladly trade ALL of MY magic ... for THEIR miracles." 

And I mean it.  Touching lives ... making a difference ...that's what matters most to me.  That's where I find my joy ...

He knows that ... He knows everything about me.

In the still of the moment, He smiled ... one of those glorious smiles that light up the universe ...

"Let's leave a few of those plain ole M&Ms  in the bag, MJ"

 ... that's what He said ... 

"Because ....

The year's not over ... not yet."

http://www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com/

(c) December 2010

O Christmas Tree

Putting up the Christmas tree ... it's always a commentary of how things are going in my life ...

I always had a REAL Christmas tree ... every single year ... no matter what my circumstances were ... or where I was living ...  it was one of the things that made Christmas magic ... and special ... for me.

In that first little apartment in Dallas ... in the cute house in the quiet neighborhood in Edenton ... during my Mary-Tyler-Moore years ...

And every single dwelling that we pretended was home as we ping ponged back and forth during the years of my marriage ...

Arkansas ... East Coast ... Arkansas ... East Coast ... Arkansas

Sometimes they were bought from friendly folks at a local lot ... from tree growers ... or members of nonprofit groups selling trees to raise money for their cause ...

Other times ... mostly Arkansas Christmas' ... we would tramp out into the woods ... locate the perfect tree ... cut it down ... & drag it home ... only to find that what looked like a reasonable size in the open air was several feet TOO TALL for any room in our house.

One year, Uncle Bill & Uncle John tooke me & the girls out to find a tree.  To two toddlers ... it was a grand adventure.   Once the tree was located ... there was much discussion about the height.  The house we were living in had 6 ft ceilings ... and my two Uncles wanted to be sure that I didn't have to wrestle with "making it fit" once I got home with it ...

Overwhelmed ... I was ... with life ... and things...

They were so afraid I was going to unravel ... even though I never let on ... that I was anything but ... ok ...

That was the first Christmas that the girls and I spent alone ... on our own ... and it was my job to share with them the wonder of Christmas ... hope ... magic ... miracles ...

There was only one other Christmas that it was just me and the girls ... it came midway through the story of their childhood ...

Until the one that ... we will always choose to remember as the one with LOTS of snow ...

So there we were ... on a cold December day ... tromping around in the woods.  Finally the tree was cut & laying on the ground.  After much a-figurin' and a-fanaglin'  ... my Uncle John did what any right-minded man would do ... he stretched out on the hard, cold ground ... next to the tree ... so we could measure ...

You see ... if the tree was as long as him ... than it was TOO TALL for my house ...

It wasn't really a special Christmas for me that year ... yet amidst the hurt, confusion & hardship ... a very special Christmas memory emerged ... one that makes me smile on every remembering of it ...

I loved my girls ... there was no way I wasn't going show them what Christmas was all about ... believing is very important at 1 and 3. 

My uncles loved me ... there was no way they were going to let me down ... believing is very important at 30-ish, too.

I miss those days ... of live Christmas trees ... of wonder & hope. 

The year of my divorce I decided that it was just too much ... for me ... to handle ... to deal with the finding and maintaining of a live tree ...

... somehow nothing really mattered ... not any more ... what was the point in believing ... it was so much easier to pretend ...

So it was that a few years ago ... into my life ... came the artificial tree.

The first one came from my mother's storage room.  It was an extra one ... that traveled back from Dallas when she returned to her life ... here.  I brought it home ... and set it up.

It didn't really do much for me.  Seriously.  It wasn't real.  Still somehow it worked at the time. 

I mean, it looked ok ... once the lights & ornaments were on it ... so what if it wasn't real ...

That silly tree had it's own set of issues ... year after year.  It's flimsy little stand was cracked when I got it ... so it was shaky ... at best.  So the second year I put it up ... I bought a regular tree stand and struggled to make it fit.

Artificial trees don't have thick, solid trunks to work with ... so screwing the posts tightly enough to hold it upright was somewhat of a challenge ... always.

And it wasn't prelit ... so putting lights on the tree was still a part of the holiday tradition ... real or not.

Last year ... the artifical tree came out ... and it was installed in it's stand ... lights were strung ... ornaments hung ... and in keeping with the unstable story that has been my life for the last few years ...

Humpty Dumpty ... had a great fall.

In the middle of the night ... the trunk on the tree snapped in half ... and there was a tremendous crash.  It looked as if a little woodcutter had simply chopped the tree down ... the plastic trunk was splintered ... there just above the tree stand.

Gathering up the ornaments ... it was amazing that only one was broken ... which was a tremendous relief to me.  You see my Christmas tree is what you would call a "traditional" tree ... decorated with a conglomeration of decors ... lovingly collected over several lifetimes.

There are ornaments that were once Mimi's ... and ornaments from my childhood.  There are ornaments that came through the grown-up MJ years ... and ornaments from the childhoods of my children.

Each one is special.  A reminder of a special time ... a special friend ... a special something.

The only thing that has been real about my Christmas trees over the last five years ... has been the rememberings of special things past ... memories found in the decors on my tree.

Decors. Everytime I open the box of memories ... I remember a Christmas a long time ago ... when the sweetest little preschooler ... who became my daugher ... helped me put up my last Mary-Tyler-Moore tree ... in Edenton. She oohed & aahed over ever pretty that came out of the box ... she called them our "decors".

Humpty Dumpty was the ornament my mother gave to Jessi on her first Christmas.  Funny.  It just came to me that THAT was the very same Christmas that my Uncle Bill & Uncle John cut down the tree.

So last year when that tree came a-tumbling down, ole Humpty .... well, as the story goes ... he "couldn't be put together again" ... that was the ONE ornament that broke.

One more lousy Christmas ... with a tree ... that wasn't real.

This year, I was going to just settle for a little 4' tree ... artifical ... that I had always put in the upstairs window ... just for fun ... with the little waving Santa ..

Somehow, I 'm still not ready ... for real.  Maybe next year.

I knew that Jessi was going to be disappointed.  She likes a BIG tree.  And all of the decorations ... that have always been a part of Christmas ... her whole life ... ever since that first Christmas ...

So for these last few years ... while it has been too overwhelming for me ... to DO Christmas ... she has doggedly & deliberately drug in ... box after box ... of decorations ... and in her own special way ... she has made sure that the season never passes ... without a little bit of hope ...

In a random series of events ... the week of Thanksgiving ... a new tree found it's way into our house ... it's a very cool story ... and somehow everyone involved was blessed through the experience ... even though the tree's not real.

It's the biggest tree ... I have ever had ... longer than Uncle John ... nine feet tall!  And, yes, I have the ceilings to accomodate it. 

It's prelit ... with most of the lights burned out.  That's how come I got it ... you see ... the previous owner decided replacing the tree was more practical than replacing the lights.

A week ago, I unpacked what turned into a humongous tree.  And started plugging in the lights.  Three sections were totally dark ... and one mid-section was partially lite ... with one little group doing a random blink thing.

I love lights.  Lots of lights.  Bright ... luminescent ... covering up a myriad of flaws.  Since I've never had a prelit tree ... lights weren't a problem for me. 

So I set down on the cold concrete floor ... in the front room where I have been ripping out carpet ... and began the task of de-lighting the prelit tree. 

It was my Survivor challenge ... of the season.

Most of my friends suggested that I just string a bunch of lights over the top of the burned out ones.  That just wasn't going to work for me.  And, as in each previous year of my life, there were lessons to be learned from the Christmas tree.

If something is worth doing ... it's worth doing right. 

I am pretty sure that was one of the lessons waiting there in the two boxes that the tree came in.

And ...

It's the tree that's important ... not the lights.  Sure the lights are pretty ... and on the outside ... where everyone can see them.  The tree is what's on the inside .. underneath all the glitter.

... and it's the genuiness of the tree that counts ... strong ... confident ... straight ...  Or maybe wobbly ... listing a little ... yet courageously confident in the balance of it's stance ...

The tree is up.  And it's beautiful.  All of my stories are hanging there on the branches.  And brand new lights ... along with a few strands of old ones ... give off a warm glow. 

It's better than last year ... which was better than the year before ... and the year before ... and the year before ...

Still it's a fake tree ... pretending to be real.  Just like me.  Living an uncertain life ... struggling to find my way back to something that's real.

I came in last nite .. to find a stack of books on my chair ... from the bottom of a holiday box ... stories that we shared in seasons past ...

There amongst them ... The Velveteen Rabbit ...  just waiting to weigh in on the whole Christmas tree thing...

.... and me ...

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly,

except to people who don't understand."

Jessi continues to decorate the tree ... the house ... in her own special way. She drags in the boxes ... and picks out the things that she likes best. And once again, she has lined up ALL of the angels on the mantel.

MY angels. She tells me the angels are there for me ... to watch over me ... it's our own special tradition ... from these healing years ...

... and the whisper comes ... "All is well, MJ."  And I know that somehow ... along the way ... I must have done something right ... that I AM real ... even though I don't feel it ...

You see ... it must be true ... because ...

Jessi believes.

http://www.lifelessons-mj-mblogspot.com/
(c) December 2010

The Point ...

Mary.

Everyone who knows me ... knows how much I DON'T LIKE to be called "Mary".  My mom named me "Mary Jane" ... after her baby doll ... not the shoes ... not the candy ... not the bread ... not the "medicinal" drug ... not the jokes ...

*Sigh*  If only she'd spelled it "MaryJane" ... all together ... like that ...

It always makes me uncomfortable ... in a squrmy, restless kinda of way ... when I get to church on Sunday morning ... to find that Del & God ... are double-teaming me ... once again ...

Today was like that ... it was very direct  ... to the point.

He started telling the story about when the angel, Gabriel ... showed up ... unexpectedly ... to tell Mary about what was coming next ...

He said ... and I am paraphrasing The Message translation that Del used this morning ... which is a paraphrase of what was actually said ... still ... I am sure you will get it ...

yeah .. the point ...

"Mary, you are beautiful with God's beauty.  Inside and out."

And Del folllowed that up by saying something to the effect that all of you women ... need to hear that ... want to hear that ... desire to believe it ...

Yet ... you struggle with it.

Earlier in the week, I had that same conversation with a friend. 

He said, " Don't you find it flattering, MJ, when people find you attractive?"

Ok, that's not exactly what he said ... but it's close.

And my response to him ... was something like well, of course, I do.  Still it confuses me because I am afraid to believe it ...

Honest.  That's what I said.

So there was Del ... this morning ... up on the platform ... sharing my business ... my private conversations ... with everyone ... and to top it all off ... he called me "Mary"!!!

Seriously.  It hacked me off.  Who does He think He is ... after all ...

So God sent Gabriel to tell Mary that she was beautiful ... and God sent my friend to tell me ....

And we both shook our heads in disbelief ... we were afraid ... of what was coming next.

God is continually trying to show up in our lives ... but we push Him away ... it's always that way ... when we start to get close to what we really want ... we start putting up walls ... or we unconciously do stupid, boneheaded things ... to sabotage our chances for happiness & joy.

Wonder why we are so afraid to receive the things we yearn for most?!?!

Del expounded on the concept of trying to be pleasing to God.  Of course, if we are trying to do that with God that means we are making the same mistakes in our other relationships, too.

If you want to be pleasing to someone ... you have to do things to please them, right?

Nope. Not so. 

Actually trying to please someone is just our fear kicking in.  Our fear that somehow we aren't good enough ... or have nothing of real value to offer the relationship ... fear that if we allow others to see us just the way we are they will find us unacceptable ... somehow ...

It's not fun trying so hard to be pleasing to ... someone else ...and the fear is wearing us out.

Truth is, we are already pleasing to God ... exactly the way we are.  Let's not forget He crafted each one of us into our own unique selves.  So what's not to like?!?

Plenty.  That's what I am thinking. 

So Del went on talking about me .... he said ...

"Mary PONDERED these things ... deep in her heart."

Yeah. That's exactly what he said ... pondered.

Imagine that. You'd think He was reading my blogs ... or something ...

Mary pondered.  Mary Jane pondered.

He was really rubbing my nose in it ... telling MY story ... sharing MY business ... and calling me "Mary" the whole time ... hitting a whole bunch of nerves ...

Grabbing my attention ... so that I would get the point ...

The depth of you  ... your soul ... you may have built walls around it.

That's what Del said ... about "Mary" ... about ME.

Dang right, I've built walls around my heart!

And even though I have been moving some of those walls around ... shifting a little ... and actually taking a couple of those low-rising ones down ... I'm still a tad bit afraid ... to let anyone close enough ... to see my beauty ... inside and out.

Too late, Mary.  That's what Gabriel said.  Too late, Mary Jane.  That's what my friend said. 

... and Del said it, too.

You are beautiful with God's beauty.  Inside and out.  And other people see it ...

NaNa NaNa ... and there's nothing YOU can do about it!

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com
(c) December 2010

Windows of Opportunity ...

A word ... or a phrase ... pops up in a conversation ... and next thing you know, it's just turning up here & there ... in random conversations ... everywhere.  It always amuses me when that happens ... cuz I know that means that there's something there ... that I am supposed to be ... a-gettin' ...

Not yet ...

That's the phrase that turned up ... unexpectedly ... last week. 

At first it felt like a negative.  But it's not.  It's a word of hope ... of promise ... it's a window of opportunity.

Since the first uttering, "not yet" has found it's way into dozens of other conversations.  The context is always different.  Those offering it up have no idea that it's becoming the common denominator in my life right now.

Interesting. 

Anything's possible.  Just not yet.

Needless to say, it's sparked a bit of pondering on my part.  One thought has led to another ... and today as I've spent the morning de-tangling ... or maybe it's unraveling ... the myriad of unworking lights wrapped into the pre-lit Christmas tree ... there's been plenty of time to ... go there ...

Some really good things are happening right now.  In the lives of people that I care about a lot.  Really big things.  The kind of things that are the catalyst to change ... new beginnings .. fresh starts ...answered prayers.

As for me.  My things haven't been so big ... not yet ... but very cool nonetheless.

As I am unwrapping ... unclipping... the strands of burned out lights ... one limb at a time ... it occurs to me that the pre-lit Christmas trees are much like our lives ... these days.  They were invented to save us time ... to make things "hassle-free" ... to provide immediate gratification ... because society says that's what is real and of value.

Let's get it done ... fast.  So that we have more time ... to ... fill with ... nothing.  Always looking for something to bring meaning into our life ... rather than enjoying the little, everyday things ... the moments ... that turn into memories ...

Easy.  That's not what life's all about.  Not really.  It's a journey .. a process ... and each part adds meaning & value ...  if you skip ahead... you are bound to miss something ... something real .. genuine ... important.

Why are we in such a hurry?!? Important things always take time.


I don't want to miss anything ... not the challenges ... or the smiles ... or the setbacks ... it's all part of the adventure ... every bit of it.

Ahhh ... right on time ... Dan Fogelberg Same Old Lang Syne is on the radio ... a song about second chances ... and windows of opportunity ...

De-tangling ... unraveling ... a vivid memory from the summers of my childhood captured me this morning ...

All of our summers ... as children ... were spent in Hot Springs.  Our family had a "place" ... there on the lake ... it was very cool ... it was on a peninsula ... with a front bay ... and a back bay ... and at times as many as three docks ...

Back in those days ... lots were fairly large ... and there weren't really a lot of houses ... mostly just cottages .. cabins ... and the like ...

Ours was like that ... a couple of large rooms ... dormitory style ... all windows ... no a/c ... or telephone ... a true retreat ... a refuge ... and there was no immediate gratification ... or instant anything ...

Just lots of time ... to get done whatever needed to get done ... or not ...

The lakehouse.  It always felt like home. 

Across the back bay was one house on a large lot.  Across the front bay ... which was a lot wider ... was another small outjutting of land ... peninsula sounds like such a formal word ... it's more like a "point" ... at least that's what we always called it ...

Anyway, over there across the front bay .... there was a cluster of smaller cabin-ish structures ... on that point.  It was always my understanding that it was a "fishing camp" or something ... even though there were summers after we were old enough to venture out on the water  ... on our own ... that I think we met kids from over there that lived there ALL YEAR ROUND.

That always seemed too good to be true ... at least to me ... to live there ... all of the time.

Little Joe's Landing.  That was the name of the place ... on the other side ... of the front bay.  It was always on the horizon.  And it seemed like a magical place ... to me ...

We swam on the front bay side.  We skied from the back bay.  That's just the way it was ... always. 

The dock out front was pretty long. It was used for sunnin' ... swimmin' ... fishin' ...

And the lake bottom from the retaining wall to the end of the dock was shallow ... gradually descending to "over-our-heads" ... even as adults.  My brothers & I had been in THAT water since our very first summers ... we definitely weren't afraid ... of it ... we had been raised to be unafraid ... of anything.

Sometime around the time I was 6 or so, we ... my brothers & I ... decided that we shouldn't have to swim with our life belts on.  Seriously.  It's impossible to do all the swim-stuff kids do ... with a life belt wrapped around your waist. 

So we begged & pleaded ... wheedled ... & bargained with my parents & grandparents.  We come from a long line of hard-headed, risk-taking adventurers ... and negotiators ... after all.

That summer, a deal was struck.  If we could swim across the front bay ... without our life belts on ... then we could swim off of our dock ... in the front bay ... all summer ... unbelted. 

That is, quite possibly, my first vivid memory of a window of opportunity.  And the same deal ... was offered every summer ... ever after.

That's right.  There was no "grandfathering" on that one.  It was a trust that had to be earned ... year after year.

Pun intended.

So that first summer ... of the life belt challenge ... we set out.  The three of us.  Confident that it wasn't ... too far ... for us to swim.  And the grown-ups trailed along beside us ... in the flat-bottom boat ... ready to yank us out ... when we tuckered out.

I really don't know how far it was across the front bay ... to Little Joe's Landing. I remember that it seemed like the distance grew ... no matter how long we swam. 

Are we there?  Not yet.  Are you ready to give up?  Not yet.

And once the challenge began ... I always quickly lost sight of where my brothers were ... or how they were holding up.   You see, it wasn't a race. 

No one had to get there first ... I just had to get there ... on my own.  And so did they.

Breast stroke ... side stroke ... a little bit of rest on the back stroke ... and lots of kicking ... that's the way it went ... and it always took a lot longer than I thought it was going to ... nothing is ever as easy as it seems ...

And there was no sense getting in a hurry ... to get there ... it wasn't going anywhere ... all I had to do was keep my focus ... pace myself ... & in the end, I would wind up exactly where I wanted to be ...

I always managed to swim across the bay.  To reach the point ... at Little Joe's Landing. 

Honestly, I don't remember whether my brothers always made it or not. Somehow, I think there was one summer that one of us didn't make it across ... I just know it wasn't me.

So summer after summer ... we'd start the season with the annual swim across the front bay ... to Little Joe's Landing ... the ulitmate destination ... knowing that freedom & security were to be found there ... setting the tone for whatever was coming next ...

It's always been that way for me.  Give me a glimpse out of the window.  Show me the opportunity.  Offer me a chance.  And I will go the distance ... whatever it takes ... even if it turns out to be farther ... and harder than I originally thought.

Sometimes it takes a little longer than I would like ... and I find myself impatiently waiting patiently ... for something ... wishing things would hurry up & happen ... knowing full well that the best things happen to those who take their time ...

Not yet ... is ok ... in games where the stakes are high ... when it's really, really important ...

And "not yet" isn't the same as "not ever" ... they are two entirely different things.

Windows of opportunity.  When I stumble upon one, it's important to look out ... all the way to the other side ... to seize the moment ... jump into the water ... and swim  ... stroke after deliberate stroke ... never losing sight of where I am going ... & what's waiting for me there.

Humongous houses and concrete cover the spot where the lakehouse once stood.  And the view across the front bay has changed, too.  No more ramshackle cluster of fishing cabins ... on that little peninsula ... the point ...

Sure the scenery's changed ... still it feels the same ... guess maybe it's in the water ...

Am I there?  Not yet.

...but I am close ... I can feel it ...

Soon, MJ.  Very Soon. 

Just say the magic word.  Yet.

http://www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com/
(c) December 2010

There's No Place Like Home ...

Imagine my surprise ... last week ... on my last run-through before Thanksgiving at the local, family-owned grocery store near my house. I rounded the corner of the produce aisle &  found a display of peanuts.
Not just ANY peanuts ... Jimbo's Jumbos peanuts !!!

Yes, indeed.  I bought some.  Just because .... yeah ... just because.

Those peanuts were the catalyst for a lot of soul-searching ... and scab picking ... throughout the rest of the week. You know sometimes, you just rip the band-aid off ... flake the crusty scab ... and realize that that wound you've been worrying over for so long has actually healed ... on it's own ... without you even knowing it ...

... and THAT's something to be thankful for ...

Jimbo's Jumbos.  Finding those peanuts whisked me back to a Thanksgiving a long, long time ago ... in a far away land ...  when I was a young, idealistic woman ... with goals & dreams ... learning to be bold ... confident ... independent ... determined ...

... to take on the world ... to make a difference ... with my smiles ...

Yes.  That was me.  I found it written exactly that way ... on a To Do list  ... stuck in an old journal that I ran across recently while turning my house upside down.

It caught me off-guard ... stunned that I didn't remember ... something as important as that.

"Success" & all its trappings were all over that list,  I must admit ...

Success was defined differently by me then ... much different from how I see it today...

That Thanksgiving was the very first one I ever spent away from home.  I had moved to Edenton, North Carolina earlier in the year.  It was a long way from Edenton to Little Rock.  So I had decided to make the trip home at Christmas ... not Thanksgiving.

Even though I had been on my own for a few holiday seasons before that Thanksgiving ... living in Dallas ... getting home really hadn't ever been a problem ...

This was my first taste of REAL LIFE interferring with my being where I wanted to be  ... when I wanted to be there.  It was killing me.

Oh yeah.  About the peanuts.  Jimbo's Jumbos come from Edenton, NC.  It is one of the primary businesses in that sleepy little town ... full of history ... colonial history, peanut history & MY history ...

I wasn't the only one having a problem with the whole Thanksgiving thing.  My mom & my grandmother, Mimi, weren't too happy about the thought of an MJless turkey  day either.  So they loaded up the truck and headed to ... well, actually they flew into Raleigh ... but you get the picture.

... funny, I am sure that I knew at the time ... but I honestly don't remember what the rest of the family did for Thanksgiving that year ...

So that's how it happened ... that I learned how to cook a turkey & all of the fixins'  in my very own kitchen ... the way Mimi always did it ... on that first grown-up Thanksgiving ...

Edenton, North Carolina.  Home of the Jimbo's Jumbos.  Changed. My. Life.

A couple of years later ... there was that Christmas ... in Virginia Beach.  One of the most miserable Christmas' ever.  No real family.  No real friends. 

Lonely.  Lonely. 

And again, I couldn't go home.  It was just too far.  Twice that fall I had traveled back .. to say farewell to my father ... in real life ... in after life.

We were a struggling young couple ... with jobs that required a lot of time & didn't pay so much ... with a child on the way ...

Money was tight.  It simply wasn't possible.

Bottomline ... it wasn't going to be Christmas for me ... since I couldn't be at home ... with my Mimi ... and my Mom ... and my family ...

I was 20-something ... all grown up ... with a husband ... and the little girl in me was longing to go home ... for Christmas ... life was pretty lousy ... at 20-something.

Home.  Where I was safe & secure.  Always welcome.  And loved unconditionally.  That place that I could always run back to ... to tag up ... to regroup ... recharge ... before heading out again ... to search for those really important things in life ...

So I clicked my ruby slippers ... over and over again. 

"There's no place like home.  There's no place like home.  There's no place like home. There's no place like home."

Then early in December, the phone rang.  It was Mimi.

"Little darling ... do you want to come home for Christmas? "  "Yes, Mimi.  I do.  More than anything."  "I will make it happen."

And she did.  A small check in the mail ... that gave me the gift that money couldn't buy ... long before "priceless" became the buzz word for such things.

I can still hear her voice.  Today.  Nobody ever called me "Little Darling" ... nobody except for her.

There's no place like home.

The years went by.  No matter where I was Mimi always came to see me.  My Mom did, too.  And no matter what ... I always came back ... here  ... from whereever I was living ... because in my mind ... it was this place ... that was home.

It was just the way we loved ... each other .. in my family. 

Later, after Mimi left us ... things changed.  I still came back ... year after year ... even when the road ran one way ... because it was ... home ...

Except that it no longer felt that way ... at least not the way I remembered it.

I miss Mimi.  She always made me feel like it was all about me ... of course, I think I knew all along that it was really all about her ... either way ... it doesn't matter ... it felt good  ... plain & simple ... she loved me ... no matter what ...

There's no place like home.

So maybe it really wasn't the way we loved ... each other ... in my family.

Maybe it was simply the way SHE loved ... me.

I don't know.

It's going to be Christmas soon.  And my daughter will be coming to my house ... a place that will never feel like home to her.  Home ... to Abbi ... will always have an ocean view.

That's ok.  I get it. Honest.  I do.  It's all good.

And we will all go to my mother's house ... and we will enjoy being there ... with her ... at her house ... still it won't be the same ... as it was ... when it was home.

It's sad ... really.  How things change.  How they stay the same.

There's no place like home.

It's a special kind of love that transcends families ... where fresh starts abound ... and even though forgiveness isn't always easy it wins out in the end every time ... where nothing is ever more important than the relationships ... all the wrongs ... all the hurts ... while not forgotten are somehow gotten past ... because there's nothing more important ... than HOME.

Somehow home got lost along the way.  Or maybe it just wasn't as important to anyone else ... as it was to me. 

I have always tried to recapture that feeling  ... of home ... to serve it up ... at my house ... whereever that house was.  To open my heart ... to offer that unconditional love  ... To my family.  To my friends.

Somehow I thought if they could feel it ... than so would I ... yeah ... than so would I.

I have always wanted Abbi & Jessi to be wrapped up in that same kind of love that gave me the confidence ... to boldly go ... over the rainbow ... out-of-bounds ... to follow my dreams ... even when they turned out to be something less than I imagined.

And season-after-season ... I traveled back ... trying desperately to find ... my way ... home ...

You know ... right where I left it ... in a place where we had phone numbers ... not digits ... or contact lists ... phone numbers that started with prefixes like "FRanklin" and "MOhawk" ...

There's no place like home.

And there I was ... on Thanksgiving ... in a house ... in another place ... that always takes me back ...

Just me ... good friends  ... and that silly bag of  Jimbo's Jumbos.

And it came to me ... early one morning ... as the fog rolled across the lake ...

Maybe it's not really the way we loved ... each other ...  in my family.  And maybe it really wasn't simply the way Mimi loved ... me.  Either.

Maybe it's been ME all along.  Loving others the way I wanted to be loved.

I don't know. 

All I know is that going home is the journey I have been on ... for all of my adult life ... trying to find my way ... to that cozy, comfy place.  And all the roads that seem to have led me to nowhere ... are bringing me closer ... to where I want to be ... I am almost there ... I can feel it ...

Follow the yellow brick road ... FOLLOW the yellow brick road ... follow the yellow brick ROAD ...

Jessi gets it.  Home is whereever she feels safe ... accepted ... and loved.

It's as simple as that. 

So, yeah ... I ripped off that band-aid ... to find a wound that had healed ... all on it's own.  There's a still a little scar ... and that's ok ... cuz it really doesn't hurt .. not anymore.

Home doesn't always have an ocean view.  And it isn't always found in Little Rock ... even though that's where I thought I left it. 

And Jimbo's Jumbos still taste great ... we didn't find a bad nut in the bag.

And on Christmas morning ... we will all go to my mother's house ... the house that I used to think was home ... and maybe ... Santa will have a little extra Christmas magic ... there in his bag ... when he stops by ...

And as we share the traditional pound cake & coffee ..

Maybe ... just maybe ... we will ALL feel it ...

... the way we used to love ... each other .. in my family ...

Home.  It's that place where you find that all that really matters ... is what is found right there.  Home is ... plain & simply ... where the love is.

Now THAT would be a very Merry Christmas ... at least it would be ... for me.

There's no place like home.

http://www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com/
(c) November 2010