"It will take a strong & confident man to earn your respect, MJ....and only a strong & confident man will be able to accept your love".....words of wisdom from my dad a long, long time ago....and, of course, he was right...he was my father....he was R.J.....and he knew me better than I knew myself...then & now...he continues to nudge me...to remind me....that it's always my choice....whatever decision I am making...and as long as I am willing to accept the consequences....to take on the challenge...then I should dream big....set my sights high...and hold out for the magic...yes, dad, that is exactly what I intend to do this time....
Been reading blogs from the past year...as well as a couple of saved emails...trying to maintain perspective & balance...and it's so hard because I am at the place where my autopilot starts screaming "Warning! Warning!"....just like the robot in Lost In Space..."Danger, Mary Jane! That does not compute! Danger!"
....or as Jessi would say, "Step AWAY from the scarecrow!"
....and I know that I have reached that place....again....where stepping back seems to be the obvious and safe choice....
....I don't want to play it safe anymore....
And in my reflection I was reminded of the descritpion of the life I want to be living that I wrote down for myself last year...it's still what I want....and I reread the description of my perfect partner....the eharmony one....the one that says he's in one in 10 million....and I found amongst those old blogs the one where God had me "do the math" to confirm that equation....thats still what I want, too....
*Sigh* My New Year's resolution was to redefine the purpose in my life...to recapture the joy....I am working very hard on that....and, of course, in the process I am still finding pieces of myself that I thought had been forever lost....
....and I know that my life is unfolding just like it's supposed to....even though I am impatiently wanting to hurry it along....
And since true, total intimacy is one of the key things in the life I want to be living...I thought I should remind myself what that actually means....to me....everyone has their own idea of what intimacy is....same with serendipity...and this is the best definition I have found so far:
Heart to heart, mind to mind, soul to soul—this is intimacy. There is relational intimacy, where two people become soul mates, free to openly share all their burdens, fears, and joys with each other. Then there is physical intimacy, reserved only for a committed relationship, where a man and woman, through their sexual relationship, reach new heights of vulnerability that should allow them to communicate at the most profound level.
....once you find that in your life....everything else will fall into place...or not...truth is, when you have THAT nothing else ever really matters again...
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