Walk On Water

Clarity. Confidence. Courage.

That's the very specific prayer I have been praying for most of June.  A specific prayer ... for someone specific ... that has managed to wash over me ... too.

I carried it along with me on my vacation.  You see, I knew that a bunch of clarity had come my way ... and a tad bit of confidence ... but I have no idea if any of those things had been received in the life of the party for whom the prayer was intended.

So prayers are continuing ...

Courage was a last minute add-on.  It wasn't part of the original prayer.  Somewhere along the way it just seemed to flow in ... and to fit.

Pondering time ... a lot of it ... was part of my original vacation plan.  I've been waiting on BIG answers for quite a while ... to my life questions.  Somehow I knew I was going to find some of them
at the beach.

Nothing went as planned ... the entire week.  Well, except for one special visit at 3:30 p.m. on Wednesday.  I made that observation ... and was firmly reminded ... "I told you I'd be here at 3:30 p.m. on Wednesday ... and here I am!  You can always count on me!"

It made me smile.  No doubt. He is one friend I can always count on!

Spontaneity won out ... and the week was amazing.  Full of fun ... friends ... and answers. 

Sunday morning ... I wandered into my old church ... for the first time in years and years.  It felt familiar and comfortable.  And the welcome was warm ... just like I remembered it ... from old friends ... and others who saw me only as a vacationing visitor.

We settled into our pew.  And the service began.  It's a traditional Baptist church ... with a traditional order to things.  Somehow that was reassuring.

People need the Lord ...

... at the end of broken dreams, He's the open door ...

Singing along, it crossed my mind that I don't think I've ever heard this song ... much less sang it ... since I was there during some other life.  And it spoke to me ... directly ... because I am struggling with doors right now ... open ones ... closing ones ... and enlarging that pesky window ...

Your grace is enough ... for me ...

Nudging me ... a little ... the song was connecting me ... to a place called Grace ... and back to this place that had been my place before ... the tempo & energy were a little different ... the feeling was still cozy & comforting.

God will make a way ... He will make a way for me ...

The music was getting personal now.  A message unto itself.  And the whisper came,  

"You always found me here ... I am always waiting for you there.  Wherever you are, MaryJane, that is where I am too."

Caught offguard ... once again, things weren't gong as planned.  Sure, it was going to be pleasant and nice to be there again ... to worship in that familiar place ... but there's been a lot of time and changes since I was last there ... life is different now ... I am different.

Glanced up to the screen ... as the Pastor was leading into the message ... His message ... there didn't used to be a screen ... and I thought ... things are different here, too.

The Miracle of Walking On Water

That's what it said on the screen.  It grabbed my attention right away.  So I settled in ... for the rest of the story.  I think sometime in the past this Pastor had visited there and preached when it was my every Sunday place ... and now it's his every Sunday place. 

Every miracle has a specific message.  That's what he said.  This one ... walking on water ... is the miracle of ... confidence.

"Are you listening, MJ?!?  This one is especially for you!"  That's what my best friend, God, Creator of the Universe said as He softly laughed in my ear.  "I can double-team you ... anywhere!"

You recall the story, I am sure.  It's found in Matthew 14:22-35.  Jesus was going to take a break ... spend a little time in prayer ... so He sent the disciples on ahead ... in the boat.  Truth is, Jesus deliberately sent the disciples into the storm.

The waves rose .. and the wind blew up.  It was a sustained storm at first.  One that the disciples felt sufficient to handle on their own.  They were fishermen, after all.

The storm grew stronger.  Jesus approached the boat.  Walking on water. In the midst of the storm, Jesus called to Peter ...  to step out of the boat.  "Come!" 

Boldly, Peter took the step ... in faith.  And he, too, walked on the water.  Looking around ... the reality of the situation sank in ... and he lost his confidence ... and he sank ... right along with it.

There were a lot of messages ... in the message ... MJ-messages, without question.

It feels safe in the boat.  Comfortable. You are just like everyone else there. Step out of the boat. Into the uncertainty. The uncomfortable. Get your feet wet. Try something impossible. If you have confidence, then why are you worried? Confidence brings miracle mentality. Lack of confidence will destroy your peace & productivity & dreams. Confidence is important to a successful life. God has a plan for your life ... MY life ... He wants ME to trust Him.

Then came a rapid-fire finale ... 

How long has it been (MaryJane) since you heard the Lord say to you, "Come!" ?

How many times has He said "Come!" & you stayed in the boat?

Are you sinking?  The guys in the boat can't help you.

Impossible becomes possible ... because Jesus IS here.

The gentle giggle was now a full-blown rollicking roll-on-the-floor laugh ... with snorts.  

"Of course, I am here, MJ ... wherever you are ... I am.  And aren't you the one, MaryJane, who always says anything's possible ?!?!  Here I am."

There is absolutely no doubt that the Miracle of Confidence ... was waiting in that sleepy little church ... for me.  The Pastor even played the word-snob card on me.  

CON - means "with".  FIDERE - means "to believe in".  Confidence is living with faith.  Faith makes the impossible possible.  It's when the soul sees farther than the eyes.

Clarity had already been discovered walking on the beach ... with the water lapping up over my feet.  And the VOICE OF TRUTH ... said ... do not be afraid ...

No one else heard the music ... and no one else sang along ... just me ... knowing for certain that what's coming next ... is following the rhythm of ... clarity ... confidence .. courage.

And then there was a good ole Southern Baptist altar call ... an invitation ... and the congregation sang ...

Put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the water,

Put your hand in the hand of the man who calmed the sea...

  

 It wasn't exactly the same as singing an energetic Springsteen or Bob Dylan song at Grace Community ... yet ... it felt exactly the same to me.  Singing this 1970 Pop Gospel song ... was every bit as bold as that ... here at Manteo Baptist Church.

The Pastor said that Jesus walked on the water ... showing up with the miracle of confidence ... during the 4th watch.  He always comes in the unexpected hour ... in an unexpected way.

That's how it was ... for me ... last Sunday.

Peter walked on water ... TWICE ... that night.  Once on his own ... and once holding Jesus' hand.  It's easy to forget that part ... as if it's the sinking part that's important.

 And, of course, He always likes to have the last laugh ... and this day was no different. The punchline actually came BEFORE the singing of the radical, contemporary invitation ... 

At the time, I had an image of George Burns ... in OH GOD! ... wagging His cigar as He offered it up

...

Why did Peter SINK ?!?!

He lost his 

F O C U S 

Ba da bing.  Nudge. Nudge. 

"Do you get it, MaryJane?!?!  Peter lost his ... focus!"

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com

(c) June 2012

 

Road Trip: Beach Bound

I am on vacation.  It's NOT the vacation that I thought I was going to be taking ...
not the one I had planned ... at all.

Funny how that happens.  Plans just change.

There have been times in my past that all of the last minute disruptions of the last 24 hours would have unnerved me completely ... sending me into a frenzy of worry and anxiety ... knowing that somehow I had lost control ...and that nothing was going to turn out ... the way I had planned.

There was purpose to this vacation.  Not just R & R.  It was going to include visits with great friends that I haven't seen in years ... amazing food & fellowship in a place that is pretty darn close to heaven ... connecting & re-connecting in important ways ....

...and healing.  The agenda was full enough ... and flexible enough ... to have reflective time and an opportunity to let go of some of the hurts of the past ... releasing them to the winds & waves ... to the never-ending rhythm of the ocean tides.

My vacation was carefully crafted ... designed to be the transition piece ... from where I've been ... to what's coming next.

So the road trip began ... and even before the happy trails dinner of chicken spaghetti had been consumed ... the detour signs started showing up.  And the all-night drive was packed full of ... unexpected ... detours.

Detours aren't necessarily a bad thing.   Typically, they take you in a direction ... different than the one you mapped out for yourself.

One early round of texting ... let me know that some juggling was going to have to take place ... immediately upon arrival.  After the initial shock of discovering that I wasn't going to be staying ... in the place I had planned to be staying ... I embraced the amusing aspect of the development.

I refused to let it put a damper on my enthusiasm.  All that quiet, reflective time ... I was counting on ... to find the BIG answers to my BIG questions ... and to let go of things that are needing to be let go .... was now no longer on the schedule.  Maybe I really didn't need that time ... as much as I thought.

For a couple of weeks, I had been telling myself that I was going on vacation ... with an open mind.  That I wasn't going to presume this ... or that ... or try to figure out how things were going to play out.

Truth is, though, that I had it all figured out in my mind ... how things were going to be ... how it was going to feel when I got here ... and that somehow the inevitable would be exactly that.  Inevitable.

And I was going to pretend to be surprised ... pleasantly or unpleasantly ... when what I had been thinking all along came to pass ... just the way I had imagined it.

The detour ... wasn't part of the plan.

Now, it is going to be a different adventure ... filled with scrambling ... and trunk living ... and "sleeping around" ... for most of the week.

As I drove across Tennessee and into North Carolina ... all through the nite ... I gave it all up along the way ... instead of waiting until I got here.  All of those things ... that needed to be let go ...

Somewhere around Nashville ... I had to laugh.  It was near midnight and Jessi was determined to stay awake with me ... while I was driving. She was managing the music ... and at one point we were rocking out to Michael Jackson ... Man In The Mirror ...

You got to ... stand up ... and lift yourself ...

Make the change

You know it ... you know it .. you know it ...

Top was still down ... in the dark ... because it was so warm & balmy out.  And Jessi was singing her heart out ... she's all grown-up now ... and without me being aware of the change ... she has turned into an amazing adventure partner ... and traveling buddy.

The moon was doing that little smile thing ... it was a reassurance that the vacation I had planned wasn't going to be anywhere near as amazing as the one I am fixin' to have!

Another round of texting ... was completely unexpected.   Leaving me cautiously optimistic ... about something that I was planning to let go of completely ... while on vacation.  The winds of change ... keep blowing that door open ... again ... and again ... no matter how many times I have shut it ... determined to walk away ...

In about hour 13 ... it was time to get gas.  And we were on a long stretch of highway ... that went from Raleigh ... east ... through tiny town after tiny town ... to the coast.  The empty light was on ... and there was only one exit that mentioned gas stations.  I was sure that I had waited too long to expect any decent price ... so it didn't really matter that there were no choices.

As I approached the exit ... I saw the cones & barracades.  It was closed.  That's right ... the one exit with any gas stations for miles either way ... wasn't open to traffic.

Seven miles later, I came to another exit.  A tiny little sign indicated that there was "Gas. And phone" at the exit even though there was nothing to be seen by the visible eye on either side of the overpass.

By this time, I was frustrated and a little in a panic.  Again, I had lost control of my travel situation.  Jessi kept turning up the music ... refusing to buy into my discomfort.

I pulled off ... and at the stop sign ... another tiny sign with an arrow pointing right said ... "Gas. 4 miles."

And I am thinking to myself that there's no way I am not going to run out of gas.

The question was ... do I take a chance on the two lane country highway ... with the promise of gas in 4 miles?  Or do I hop back on the four lane by-pass ... and keep heading in the direction I was going ... looking for more exits ... that lead to nowhere ... knowing that with the traffic there will likely be someone to pull over & help me when the inevitable happens ... and hope that miraculously there will be a gas station somewhere?

The whisper came ..."Your inevitable, MaryJane, is always ... evitable." 

And I knew in that instant that ... of course ... there's a reason why I am supposed to go ... this way. 

At the end of the 4 miles ... there was another four way stop.  Farmland ... fields on three corners ... and a country store with three pumps on the other. The sign said the gas price was 75 cents higher than anywhere I had seen between Arkansas and North Carolina.

It didn't matter.  We had already driven about 30 miles farther than I was comfortable with ... while the gas light was shining.  I would pay the price ... gladly.

Pulled up to the pumps.  On each one was a hand-written sign that said "Sorry.  No Gas."

And for just a second ... I felt the anxiety kick in ... again.   I was going to lose it right there ... in the middle of nowhere.  Because there was no way I had enough gas to go in any direction ... and get anywhere.

Jessi had hopped out of the car thinking she was going to talk to me while I pumped the gas.  Boldly, she walked over to a man who was leaning up against the building ... and asked him if he knew where we could get some gas ... someplace REALLY CLOSE.

That's what she said.   That her mom needed to find some gas ... and it had to be REALLY CLOSE!

He told us to turn on the road next to the gas station ... that was going to be leading us in the opposite direction of the way we needed to be traveling ... and that there would be a gas station in about 2 miles.

Great.   I was going to run out of gas ... in the middle of nowhere ... on a road that had no traffic ... trying to get 2 miles to a gas station.  Of course, there was really no choice ... because it was 4 miles back to the By-pass ... and who knows how many miles to an exit with a gas station.

Jessi thanked the man ... and told me to come on ... she had it under control.  Those were her exact words ... "I have it under control, Mom.  We're not going to run out of gas.  You have to believe me."


It was another 7 miles before we found a gas station.  And we didn't run out of gas.  And Jessi once again began chatting up the people in the parking lot.  She wandered back with a weathered old black man who gave me the directions to the by-pass ... a shortcut that only a local would know.

It was mid-morning ... so once we gassed up ... the top came down for the remainder of the drive.

Back on the by-pass, I decided to clock the miles from the exit where we had originally gotten off looking for the 4 mile gas station ... to see how far it would have been to the next possible exit.

From the minute we exited into the ... gas detour ... I was sure that there was a reason why I had to go that way.  Like maybe I was going to avoid a ticket ... or a wreck ...or something ...

Why else would I have been diverted from my carefully planned route?!?

There was no evidence of an accident or anything like that.  And it was 27 miles before another exit with a gas station presented itself on the well traveled road.  There's no way we would have made it that far.

To be perfectly honest ... there's no way we could have made it the 11 miles that took us backtracking into nowhere ... either.

After dropping Jessi off and finishing the final leg of the drive ... on the familiar highway that leads to the beach ... I had some time to ponder all of the unexpected changes to my plans ... and the random gas-hunting detour.

And I wondered ... outloud ... how I had ever allowed myself to become so guarded ... and structured ... and deliberate.  Ok ... what I really said was ... who is this control- freak?!?! And when did she become ... me?!?!

Somehow along the way ...  my easy-going, adventuresome spirit has been damaged ... slowly but surely it's healing ... and it's so terrific to discover ... that it truly isn't ... broken.

That's the MJ that I really like ... the girl who sets out with an open mind ... an open heart ... and a love of surprises ... the MaryJane who is always up for the back roads ... and side trips ... and unexpected places.

Who sees a detour ... as opportunity to see something new ... to discover something special in a random place ... to experience something that wasn't planned ....


Of course, that's when the laughter came.  Louder than the music ... "Don't you get it, MJ!  I am in control ... of your vacation ... and your life.  Relax.  And go with the flow.  I promise you won't be disappointed with the plans I have for you!"

So here I am ... on the vacation that was planned for me ... by my best friend, God, Creator of the Universe.  The one thing I know for sure ... is that this vacation is going to be life-changing.

I am confident that what's coming next ... is absolutely more amazing ... than anything I could have dreamed up on my own. 

 What if I can't wait?!?!

(c) June 2012

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com

For The Birds!

Pay attention to the birds ... that's what one of my messages said last week.
It made me smile ... not sure why ... it just did.

It was on one of those days when we finally got some rain.  A nice soaking rain that drenched the yard ... leaving glistening drops on the random blades of grass ... that had stubbornly stood up to the baking heat of the sun.

Just off the screened porch sat my little red wagon.  A little nostalgic, yes.  But actually, it's my version of a wheelbarrow.  I can pull it ... around the yard ... and haul limbs ... leaves ... whatever needs to be carted about ...

Rolling Red ... that's my wagon.

So there I was sitting on the porch ... drinking my morning coffee ... reading my message that ended with the random sentiment ... pay attention to the birds.

Splash. Splash.

It was an unfamiliar sound ... and I wondered where it was coming from ... there in my backyard.

That's when I noticed them ... the two little robins that have nested above my brick patio for years ... playing in the water ... in my wagon.

Apparently it had filled up ... during the rain.

Sassy splashing ... dipping their wings ... their heads ... and at times ... dunking their whole bodies ... in the water ... it is the ultimate bird bath.

It was as if they didn't have a care in the world!

And then came the whisper ... "Are you paying attention?  To the birds?"

I sighed ... because, of course, I got it ... the message.  I have been so focused on the rat-killing ... that I haven't been seeing the birds ... or even hearing them sing.


So for the last week or so ... I've been taking time each day ... for the birds ... especially my pair of robins.  I've watched them dance across yard ... in search of a worm or other tasty morsel.  I have listened to them serenade each other ... early in the morning ... and again late at night.

It reminds me that ... I have always been ... the songbird ... even though I can't carry a tune.

So maybe ... a la Barbra Streisand ... this time the song is for me  ...

Each day ... I am watching the red-breasted birds ... gayly making a splash ... in the Rolling Red bird bath ... and each day the thought comes ...

... my life ... it's for the birds ...

Followed by the nudge ... "You're getting close, MJ.  Very close."  

For the birds ... is not commonly thought of as a positive sentiment.  It usually means something is worthless ... that one has become frustrated with the current state of things ... and that it is pointless to be here.

Wonder how ... for the birds ... came to mean ... worthless ?!?!

Actually, I don't wonder.  I totally get it.  It was taken out of context.

 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

Matthew 6:25-27

I am heading off on a grand adventure ... a vacation ... certain that time away will be the catalyst for change ... that's been blowing on the breeze for some time.  And I have been preparing for the next part of my journey ... by paying attention to the birds.

Here's what I am  taking with me ... into the unknown ... of what's coming next:

Live in the moment.  Splash in the water with someone fun.  Dance in the sunshine.  Walk in the rain.  Treat each day .. as if it were a short story ... contained completely in its own 24 hour ... window. Enlarge my window. Sing my songs.  Help people to be strong.  Don't worry so much about living ... focus on being ALIVE!

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com

(c) June 2012

Learning new things ...

Today .... I am going to do something ... I have never done before.

I love learning new things.

Funny thing is ... I am putting it off. Not sure why. Maybe it's because I don't know how long it's going to take. Or how hard it's going to be to figure out.

Or maybe it's because it's going to be somewhat mundane & routine. The only interesting thing about it being the doing of something I've never done before ... like maybe, I will be bored with it ... long before I am done ... because it's too easy ... not really a challenge ... just a necessary process.

And my mind wanders to my little rabbit.  The one that lives in my yard.  Actually, it appears that he ... and a friend ... play in my grass.  And that makes me smile.

One day last week, as I was heading out on my early morning walk, I noticed the little cottontail over in the yard across the street.  He was alert ... poised for action.  And as is his habit, he made direct eye-contact ... never flinching ... commanding my attention ... delivering his message.

I am never sure if I am getting the message, though.

Then he took off.  Hopping briskly ... setting the pace for my walk ... he led me all the way to the corner. He even made the turn ... before he stopped ... to nibble the grass in the yard that Pete, the mighty dog, used to fertilize on a daily basis.

Inspired by the simple act of encouragement ... I decided to stretch myself ... go the distance ... take a few extra minutes with my best friend, God, Creator of the Universe. There's so much ground to cover lately ... figured it was as good a time as any to add that extra block to my daily route.

Pounding the pavement ... drilling it down ... came up with a simple prayer ... just two words ...

Confidence ... and ... Clarity.

A specific prayer. For a specific person. To be offered up continuously. Unconditionally.

Not sure if the answers are being found over there ... in that life ... yet.

It's funny, though, an abundance of both have come along to me.  As a result of that prayer.

Confidence. Clarity.

Over the weekend, a nudge came ... to add ... courage ... to the prayer as well.  Not sure if that's for me ... or the original object of my prayer.

My guess is that ... confidence ... clarity ... courage ... are all things either of us would gladly welcome.

Jessi reminded me ... when I randomly said the prayer out loud ... that courage was what the Cowardly Lion wished for ... but he didn't really have to wish ... cuz he had it all along. Yep.  That's what she said.  And I wonder ... when did Jessi become so wise?  I am sure that she would say it's because she's ... all-grown-up-now.

When I made the loop that morning and returned to my corner ... there was my little rabbit ... exactly where I left him. This time he was simply resting ... waiting ... on me.

As I approached, he gathered himself up ... gave me the look ... wiggled his ears ... then turned cotton-tail ... and began the hop through the yards leading us both home.

Wish I could say that he's joined me ... on my morning walk ... everyday since then.  That would sure make a great story.

But he hasn't.  Just that one time.

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com

(c) June 2012

Time Passages

Stop wasting your time.

Words spoken out loud.  Plain as day. During my early morning walk.  On the first day of .... June.  There was no doubt who was doing the talking.  It wasn't E. F. Hutton.

Still.  I was listening.

It was a day full of powerful messages ... that has been followed by more days of insightful prods ... which is very cool ... because once again I am choosing to believe that June ... will somehow hold some of the magic ... that's missing in my life.

Enjoy your time.

A friend's facebook post.  I saw it after I completed my walk.  Put the two together ... it's making perfect sense.

If I stop wasting my time ... on things that aren't real ... then I will be free to ... enjoy my time ...on real stuff ... in real time.

I am listening. Still.

I have been bombarded with thoughts ... messages ... opportunities ... about me ... my time ... it's value ... and where to share it.

Not exactly sure when the word ... bombard ... popped into my head.  But it's appropriate.  And accurate.  It has to do with the hurling of large stones ... and there's no doubt the head-smacks are on target ... and have captured my attention.

A bombard ... and a catapult.  No arsenal is complete without them.

Plans are unfolding.  Changes are revealing themselves.  Unseen blessings are already on the way.  Plans, changes & blessings ... that are going to define the next chapter of my life.

All of these thoughts have been energizing & exciting. And in typical MJ-fashion, I have been arranging and re-arranging the hodgepodge of puzzle pieces on the table.  The old comfortable ones that I am sure still have a place in the picture ... and the new vibrant ones that are begging to be picked up & handled.

At long last, it seems that things are starting to fall into place ... to fit into a pattern that makes sense ... and I can almost see it ... the emerging image of what's coming next ...

Then out of the blue ... sitting on a patio ... a friend offered up a different perspective.

Sure these pieces all fit together ... but if you move this one over here ... and that one over there ... everything changes ... it's a much BIGGER picture ... than you have even imagined! Surely you can see it ... now. Why in the world would you settle for anything less?!? Haven't you wasted enough time ... where you're at ... already

"Don't you want to be ... ALL .. that you can be, MJ?!?"

That's what he said. And ... I am ... still ... listening.

Transit of Venus. June 6, 2012. Little Rock, Arkansas by Ben Moody, Ben Moody Photography

It's June. The transit of Venus ... a harbinger of great change.  All of the elements line up ... exactly right ... only twice every hundred years or so. And if you miss it ... because you're too busy ... wasting your time ... waiting on something to happen ... then, well, you let the chance pass ... to experience something amazing ... that only comes along ... twice-in-a-lifetime ... if you're lucky.

Venus celebrates our desire for good things in life.  And supports our aspirations, successes & achievements in life. Venus coming face-to-face with the Sun ... source of energy and light ... brings an intensity to our desire for real & genuine relationships.

I took time ... to acknowledge the passage ... with delight.

As I returned from my morning walk ... today ... my brain & my heart were coming to terms with a new resolve for moving forward.  It has to do with not allowing people to become priorities who only see me as an option.  That's a recurring theme in my story ... & not a very good use of my time ... or so I've been reminded recently.  So I am deliberately wrapping up that storyline ... leaving it behind ... in the chapter ... that's ending ... now.

Make changes gradually to realign your life with your hearts desires. 

Once again, I am reassured.  Reminded of the promise that came as the chapter ... before this one ... was closing.  Chapters end.  Story continues.  And promises made are always kept.  He is faithful.

Not a big fan of options.  Options are optional, after all.  

Possibilities are more my style.  That's where I am going to invest my time ... my energy ... my passion ... my life.  In possibilities ... not options.

So I will keep singing along with Al Stewart:
 I know you're in there, you're just out of sight ... time passages ...

Some of the best days of my life ... haven't happened ... yet.

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com

(c) June 2012