Winter has been on my mind ... ever since a somewhat unsettling conversation last week ... with a friend ... that ended with a reference to "hibernation".
It was his response ... to my response ... to a sudden change in the air ...
... guess the reality of the situation just set in ...
So the concept of "hibernation" has been following me around for a week now ... and the weirdness of the exchange ... and the unsettled feelings that remain ... caused me to share my thoughts on hibernation with that friend ... in an email ... over the weekend ...
Here's what I wrote ...
To me, hibernation means spending the winter in a dormant state ... holed up in a dark cave somewhere ... staying warm with whatever you can find there in the dark ... only to wander out when spring arrives to discover that a season has passed ... with changes having taken place in the world around you ... but still you are in exactly the same place as you were before .
The alternative to hibernation is to embrace the winter season with gusto. To bundle up, play in the cold, throw snowballs, laugh, drink good coffee, and curl up in front of a fire from time-to-time to recharge. When spring comes, you aren't wandering out ... sluggish & stagnant ... from inactivity ... instead you are ready to embrace the next season with gusto ... because each new season brings it's own adventure.
The alternative to hibernation is to embrace the winter season with gusto. To bundle up, play in the cold, throw snowballs, laugh, drink good coffee, and curl up in front of a fire from time-to-time to recharge. When spring comes, you aren't wandering out ... sluggish & stagnant ... from inactivity ... instead you are ready to embrace the next season with gusto ... because each new season brings it's own adventure.
I won't be hibernating. I will be out there shoveling the snow ... so that whatever it is that is coming next in my life ... has a clear path ... to find me. Living life ... through its ups & downs .. to the fullest ... is my goal. Sharing some of life ... with people that I find fun & interesting ... is preferable to hibernating.
Somehow I had hoped that just saying what was on my mind was going to be enough ... to ease the uncertainty ... that seemed to have gained momentum ... on it's on ... much like a snowball rolling downhill ...
It hasn't.
Yes, indeed. The BIG snow came ... after that. Something like 6 inches at my house ... and apparently a total snowbound situation ... no way in ... no way out ... on the other end.
Sunday started with some beautiful winter sunshine ... and ended with the snowfall. In the morning ... over my coffee ... I noted in my journal:
Hibernation ... if He (God through Del) talks about hibernating ... this morning ... I will ... well, I don't WHAT I will do ...guess it depends on WHAT He has to say about it ...
On the ride over to church, I commented crypticly to my friend ... who had arrived the day before ... to spend the winter ... the season ... that it was going to be interesting to see if Del talked about "hibernating" this morning ...
Yeah ... it was sort of a test ... to see if I was ... imagining ...
... the significance of things.
... the significance of things.
Grabbed a cup of coffee ... and visited with several folks before the service ... most of the conversation was centered on whether the snow was really going to come ... or not ... and out of no where, one friend said ... he WAS NOT shoveling snow ... under any circumstances.
Smack! No doubt about what was coming next ...
Settled into our seats ... and once again ... we sang .... the same song that we've been singing for weeks ... and weeks ... and weeks ...
It was somehow reassuring. I actually smiled when I heard the giggle ...
in my ear ...
in my ear ...
"You're really NOT going to stop waiting ... NOW ... are you, MJ?!?!
You're almost there!"
You're almost there!"
And then ... up on the screen ... without warning ..
2011
Developing Relationships
Of course. That's what Del's going to talk about ... whew ... a little close to the mark ... but not a dead-on bullseye ... like hibernation would have been ... it's all good ...
... that's what I was thinking.
"If we don't do anything else ... this year ... we are going to work on THIS ... developing REAL relationships"
It was somewhat random ... out-of-context ... up on the screen ... hovering in the air ... not the title of the message ...after all .. it was more of a challenge .. a mandate ...
The what's coming next ... that I have been so eagerly awaiting ... I guess ... maybe ... maybe not ...
And then something Del said a couple of weeks ago popped in to my head ... as we sang some more songs ...
... You DON'T have the power to keep God from working in your life ...
It was an overwhelming thought ... it sort of wrapped itself all around me ... as we sang a familiar song ... that suddenly had new meaning ... because, you know, I am thinking about ... winter ... seasons ...
By the end of the singing ... I knew it was going to be a real side-splitter of a message ... a barrel of laughs ... and that unsettled, anxious feeling returned.
I was distracted a bit. So I didn't write down what the actual title of the message was ... but Del opened with the statement that there were two basic things that we ... all of us ... battle. ...
... wanting to ESCAPE life ...
... wanting to make life EASY ...
I chuckled inwardly. Oh yeah ... here it comes ... He IS going to talk about "hibernating" ...
imagine that!
imagine that!
And then right off the bat ... Del said ...
People use their sexuality to fill up empty holes ...
in their lives ... in their hearts.
in their lives ... in their hearts.
Wow! No holding back today. Just go straight to the point ... why don't ya?!?!
Random sex ... that has nothing to do with true intimacy ... or real love ... is the most common thing people use to ESCAPE from the mundaneness of their lives. Materialism ... using things instead of sex ... to feel validated is a close second. Followed by a lifestyle based on a PARTY spirit ... having "fun" ... random encounters ... rather than REAL relationships ...
These are the ways that people ESCAPE from ...
the "reality of the situation" ....
All of us try to escape life from time to time ... to find a way to make life easier ... somehow ... somewhere ... the important thing is to not get lost over there ... in those places ...
Duh. I knew that. Guess it was just God's way of trying to stave off ... the blindside that came later in the week ... only it really wasn't ... a total shock ... not really ... you see, I had already been preparing for it ... for several days ...
...in my telepathetic way.
the "reality of the situation" ....
All of us try to escape life from time to time ... to find a way to make life easier ... somehow ... somewhere ... the important thing is to not get lost over there ... in those places ...
Duh. I knew that. Guess it was just God's way of trying to stave off ... the blindside that came later in the week ... only it really wasn't ... a total shock ... not really ... you see, I had already been preparing for it ... for several days ...
...in my telepathetic way.
Life sucks. That's what I had shared with a couple of friends earlier. It wasn't so much that anything had happened ... not yet ... my life was somewhat on an even keel ... except for the weird, uneasiness that came with the conversation about hibernating.
I'm ok. Really. That's what I told them. It's true. It was more a statement of the futility of it all. My premise was that the sooner we all accept that fact ... the more clearly we will see how important it is to stay focused on the prize ... to keep our eyes open for the good things that come along from time to time ... and to have the courage to grab ahold of them before they simply pass us by.
That's what I said.
And there I sat ... in church on Sunday ... and Del was pretty much preaching the same message. He said that life is full of pain ... and hurts. So we battle with how to escape from the reality ... of it all. Different people find different ways to escape ... sex, things, partying ... in an attempt to "feel better" ... or to "be happier" ... and if they're not careful ... ESCAPE becomes the focus ... the purpose ... of their lives.
And there I sat ... in church on Sunday ... and Del was pretty much preaching the same message. He said that life is full of pain ... and hurts. So we battle with how to escape from the reality ... of it all. Different people find different ways to escape ... sex, things, partying ... in an attempt to "feel better" ... or to "be happier" ... and if they're not careful ... ESCAPE becomes the focus ... the purpose ... of their lives.
... it simply doesn't work ... not really ... sex, things, partying ... really don't fill the empty places ... they really don't make you feel better about yourself or life ... they really don't make you happier ...
Truth is ... when the momentary high wears off ... you feel worse than you did before ...
Escaping ... it's about getting relief from LIFE ... the pressures of life that are so hard to handle ...it's an attempt to make life a little easier ...
As if ...life's supposed to be easy ..
So Del & God ... were double teaming me ... AGAIN ... I knew it for sure ... because somewhere in the midst of it all .. Del said ... outloud ... from the platform ...
We just can't seem to connect the dots!
He wanted to make sure that I was really GETTING it ... like I could possibly have missed it .. the point.
Truth is, I got it ... I get it ... have been for quite sometime ... just not really sure what I am supposed to be doing with it ... because at the end of the day, everyone gets to choose ... for themselves ...
I had a near-miss with someone who once was very important to me on Friday nite. I saw him. He saw me. We both pretended we didn't, though. It just hurt too much ... I guess ... to speak. And besides, what could we have possibly said ?!?
Not a thing.
Not a thing.
He touched on that encounter, too ... on Sunday morning. You see, the message was directed at me ... personally.
Shame feels like a dirty, dirty blanket ... on your heart. That's what He said. It was a vivid visual image. A dirty blanket ... smothering ... choking the life right out. He went on to say that "shame" and "guilt" aren't the same things.
Shame is more about feeling unclean .. unworthy ... of the good things that come your way.
Guilt, on the other hand, is the acknowledgement of your mishap ... screw up ... indiscretion ... lapse in character. Guilt can be dealt with directly ... head-on ... and resolved ..., put to rest ... so you can move on.
Shame. Well, shame lingers & lingers.
Shame is more about feeling unclean .. unworthy ... of the good things that come your way.
Guilt, on the other hand, is the acknowledgement of your mishap ... screw up ... indiscretion ... lapse in character. Guilt can be dealt with directly ... head-on ... and resolved ..., put to rest ... so you can move on.
Shame. Well, shame lingers & lingers.
God sends good things our way .. because He loves us. He places people in our lives ... in a strategic fashion ... to help us climb out of that dark place ... that we have chosen to hole up in ...escaping ... hibernating ... hoping that when we poke our heads out ... in another season ... that somehow everything will have changed ... without any effort on our part ...
Somehow ... it never really works that way ... it simply doesn't happen.
In order to rid yourself of shame ... you have to be willing to be washed clean ...
...and to accept that you are clean ... after the washing.
Lots of people posted ... during the snow days ... about sins being washed white as snow ... as a postscript, it seems ... to Del's comments about being washed clean ... of our shame ... in order to move towards the life we want to be living.
Washing clean ... reminds me of the luscious bar of soap that I received as a gift for Christmas. It's great big ... and smells like mandarin oranges. Absolutely yummy! And the cool thing about this particular soap is that the smell doesn't fade after just a couple of washings ... it stays fragrant all the way to very last sliver.
I know ... because I had peach bar given to me ... by the same person last year. I loved it so much that I asked for another ... because I always felt so ... clean ... after using it.
This morning, as I ponder all of the pieces ... that suddenly seem to fit .... in a puzzle that doesn't really look like I thought it was going to ... I decided to check my perception ... to look up "hibernate" ... because maybe, just maybe, I was wrong about the whole thing....and to accept that you are clean ... after the washing.
Lots of people posted ... during the snow days ... about sins being washed white as snow ... as a postscript, it seems ... to Del's comments about being washed clean ... of our shame ... in order to move towards the life we want to be living.
Washing clean ... reminds me of the luscious bar of soap that I received as a gift for Christmas. It's great big ... and smells like mandarin oranges. Absolutely yummy! And the cool thing about this particular soap is that the smell doesn't fade after just a couple of washings ... it stays fragrant all the way to very last sliver.
I know ... because I had peach bar given to me ... by the same person last year. I loved it so much that I asked for another ... because I always felt so ... clean ... after using it.
HIBERNATE - intransitive verb - 1: to pass the winter in a torpid or resting state ... 2: to be or become inactive or dormant
TORPID - 1a : having lost motion or the power of exertion or feeling : dormant, numb b : sluggish in functioning or acting ... 2: lacking in energy or vigor : apathetic, dull
Hibernation = Escape From Life
All of this talk of hibernating reminded me of the movie, GROUND HOG DAY. Hibernation is basis of the whole ground hog legend ... after all.
And in the movie, the same day .. the same story ... repeats itself over and over and over ... until Phil Connors (Bill Murray) finally re-evaluates his life & priorities ... and figures out the change ... the something new ... that makes the difference ... that allows him to move on from the life he's been living ... to what's coming next. ...
Haven't we all been there ... done that ...
That place in your heart that hurts the most ... that you spend so much of your time & energy ... escaping ... that you SO DISLIKE ... avoiding the hurting that is necesasry for the healing to come ...
That's the very place ... where God dwells ... the spirit of God lives THERE ... in that darkest place in your heart.
He's waiting for you ... there .. in that most intimate, personal places.
Of course, only you can make you happy ... no one else can do that for you. It's always YOUR choice.
... lots & lots of pondering ... but by the time got to work this morning ... the dots were all connected.
http://www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com/
(c) January 2011
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