"Sometimes the hardest part of the journey
is believing that
you're worthy of the trip"
~ Russell to Eddie,
by Glenn Beck
Life has been so hectic ... and weird ... lately.
Yeah. Weird.
Had a friend that once told someone else ... "If MJ ever uses the word weird in a conversation then you should pay close attention to whatever she says next ... because when she says weird it means she's getting ready to tell you something that's troubling her or that's really important to her" ...
Funny how words & phrases can conjure up memories that have been tucked away for safe keeping ...
I love books. And I have several scattered around the house that I have been picking up & putting down ... randomly ... for months & months. That's all I've had time for ... or maybe it's all I've made time for ... who knows ...
This week ... in the course of two hours ... I was given four books ... by people who are important to me ... one was given to me to "take a look at" in regards to a possible project .. two were recommended as "good reads" with one being fiction and one being spiritual ... and the fourth one ... was touted as "the best book I've read in a long time" ...
Naturally I chose that one first. Because of who offered it to me ... because I haven't really read anything in awhile ... maybe ... or it might have been because it was the shortest one ...
It was THE CHRISTMAS SWEATER by Glenn Beck. To be honest, it's NOT the "best" book I've read ... still it's the ""only" book I've read ... all the way through ... in a very long time ... and I found some things buried there ... that were meaningful & helpful ...
... and I am looking forward to discussing the book with the person who gave it to me ... next week ...
This morning, I have writer's block ... actually it's been hanging around for about a week ... which is weird ... in light of the encouragement I received last week from people who read what I write ...
A quick browse through the Facebook status' of my friends this morning turned up several interesting quotes about "choosing happy". Of course, that always makes me smile.
And it reminds me that I am not alone ... in my quest ... for happy ...
That was touched on in the book I read ... too ...
"You know, people are meant to be happy but sometimes that's hard to do if you've allowed yourself to become someone you're not"
~ Eddie's Grandfather to Eddie, THE CHRISTMAS SWEATER by Glenn Beck
Gotta love it. I've been telling people that I care about ... A LOT ... that very thing for a couple of years now ... you know ...
Start being who you are & stop being who you're not ...
Easy to say ... and so very hard to do ... I know ... I struggle with that one ... just like everyone else ... as I move the puzzles pieces around the table ... searching for the lost pieces ... of MJ ...
All of us start putting up our walls ... pretending everything's good ... when it's not ... because we're hurting ... or afraid ... or we've simply lost sight of who we are ... because we've been told that who we are really has no value ... is worthless somehow ...
... and we believe it ... the unworthy part ...
It's so much easier that way.
It is at that exact moment that we give up happy ... we choose the path MOST traveled ... rather than having the courage to believe in ourselves ... to like who we are ... to say to the world ... "there's something special here ... what I have to offer is rare & of great value ... "
Instead, we let others project their lack of self confidence ... their feelings of inadequacy ... onto us ...
and we embrace them as our own ...
... and we ... unwittingly ... project them onto someone else ... the ripple begins ... and the dominoes tumble ... and tumble ... and tumble ...
"When you choose the path, you choose the destination."
~ Russell to Eddie,
THE CHRISTMAS SWEATER, by Glenn Beck
In church on Sunday ... Del prayed ...
"We have our life ... we have our faith ... and somtimes they don't come together. So please help us, Lord, to CONNECT THE DOTS .."
Outloud. He spoke to me. And I wrote it down. Because it is important. To know when He speaks to me. It's more important to HEAR what He says to me.
Another out-of-context tidbit from Del ....
"All of us want our mother's love ...
and all of us want our dad's blessing"
That was spoken to me ... intimately ... personally ... outloud for all to hear. And I recognized it for what it was .... important ... to some dot-connecting ... going on in my life ... and the lives of people who are important to me.
Reading the book reminded me of another book I read ... a couple of years ago ... when I took the one-and-only roadtrip of my adult life ... so far ...
...and a conversation with someone who was important to me that followed ...
Hindsight is a funny thing ... he was a-friend-but-more ... to me ... and I was really nothing more than a convenience ... an option ... of value in the moment but not really worth the effort ... to him ... somehow ...
... it's still a troublesome thing to me ... that I didn't see it that way ... how it really was ... at the time ... all along ...
Anyway, the conversation, it had to do with me "going away" ... on a "sojourn" ... our story has been dotted with sojourns ... temporary breaks ... in the past ... that have brought us to the impasse of today ...
... and I am wondering if one person's "sojourn" is another person's "hibernation" ...
I hope so ... that there is self-discovery & healing to be found ... in both places ...
... dot ... to dot ... to dot ... the picture is drawn ... and when the image of who we are is revealed ... we don't recognize what we see ... there ... because we've been so busy being who we're not ... that we forgot who we are ...
Change will only come when you ... I ... we ... accept & receive ... that God ... and some people ... really do love you ... me ... us ... just for being who we are ...
You just being You. Me just being Me.
... wouldn't it be cool if you ... I ... we ... could like ourselves ... just for being who we are, too?!?
I like you ... just for being who YOU are.
Honest. I do.
Weird.
Weird.
(c) January 2011
Love it and you, my friend!
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