I get all of these cool messages....every day....from a variety of places....and generally I like them. Today my first message was my On This Day, God Wants You To Know message. It talked about contagious happiness.
It made me smile. Everyone knows that I have been choosing happy for quite some time....& lately, life has been ranging from good to very good on a regular basis.
Yes, MJ is happy....pretty much all of the time....good things are happening!
Still there are those other messages....the ones that come from long ago, far away places....the ones that poke & prod until they get your attention....the insufferable voices that cause you to look down for just a moment....lose your balance....& next thing you know you are heading straight for the mud pit.
Had one of those experiences today. Talking to a friend. She was trying to be encouraging and I am not exactly sure how we got there....but without warning I was sharing with her one of those moments from my past....like way, way back in junior high past....that I have had buried very deep....
So I shared with her....THIS was said to me at a formative time in my life....& because of WHO said it, I believed it....followed by THESE THINGS that were said to me by someone who promised to love me "til death do us part"....surely he wouldn't have said it if it wasn't true, right?!....& again validated in recent times by someone important to me....who showed me by his actions that what I had always believed must HONESTLY be the truth....over and over and over again....
Suddenly the hopeful optimistic mood of the morning had dimmed....how in the heck did that happen?!?!?
Yeah, right....whatever....whatEVER....WHATEVER...what-eVV-er....
It was ugly....it felt awful....& I needed to put an end to the lies....once and for all.
So I hopped in the car....put the top down....& let the sunshine do it's thang....
It's important for those things that we bury to make their way to the surface. So that we can look at them....and evaluate if they were ever valid in the first place....deal with them....even if it hurts a little bit....even if it hurts a lot....then toss them away!
Today I acknowledged....for maybe the very first time....the source of that undercurrent of uncertainty that has been dogging me for most of my life. And you know what, I learned something important. Those THINGS that were said to me....they really weren't about ME at all. The things that were said....they were really about the person(s) who said it to me.
Wow! You have no idea how cathartic that was for me!
Unhappy people do that, you know. They take their fears, their uncertainties, their insecurities....& they project those onto others rather than address those things within themselves. Generally their target is someone close to them....someone they really care about....it's just easier that way. Because if they knock you down a notch or two....to their level of unhappiness....then they can somehow convince themselves that they aren't really unhappy after all.
And there you are....carrying that pack of lies around....& every chance you get....you add a little something more to the load....because now it's your load....it belongs to you...after all, people who love you would never say things simply to hurt you....so it must be the truth....
Riding along....working through all of that...it became so confusing at times....to know the truth....then I remembered that confusion never comes from God. And God is truth. And even though Satan once was the beautiful angel....he is full of lies.
So in the words of my dad....I declared...."Get thee in my behind, Satan!" And that made me smile....because it was always OK that the young Jerry never got it exactly right....
It's what's in the heart that matters, after all.
....and I unloaded....one lie at a time...and it felt fabulous....to feel free....to feel beautiful....
....and a whole bunch of walls came tumbling down.
You are so close, MJ......came the whisper....
Where did that come from!!??!
And softly again....you are so close....to the life you want to be living....
*Sigh* Sure I remember....
The life I want to be living....there will be magic....and someone.....and lots of touching.....true, total intimacy.....and friends to laugh with, to cry with, to share our lives with....and work that is meaningful and full of purpose...and love!
....again, the whisper....Yes, that's it....you are so very close...
In that moment, I remembered the other message this morning. The one from MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST that said , "Are you prepared to abandon entirely (to God), and let go?"
I had just abandoned....let go....of something that had been hurting me my entire life. There's no doubt in my mind that today's April 28 message had been waiting there in the little book for close to 20 years....to be relevant to me TODAY.
That's how God works. He puts into place everything that we need....so that it will be there for us to find at exactly the right time.
Timing. It's all about timing...and obedience.
God nudged me .... Are YOU --- Mary Jane --- prepared to abandon entirely, and let go?
And I said, I'm not sure.
Heck, I am just being honest.
And the questions started....Can I do it? What if this? What about that? ...On and on and on....and I got lost there...thinking about "unlimited" questions....
Hellloooo, MJ. It's me, again. Your best friend...Creator of the Universe.....enough with the questions....relax....let it go....let it all go...trust Me....
There it was. Totally exposed. Revealed. The real problem ...it's the "abandon" thing.,,,because abandon means to refuse yourself the luxury of asking any questions.
So I continued to drive....to let the sunshine do it's thang....& at some point I couldn't help it....I just laughed out loud...with my best friend....
You see, I know that He was riding along beside me....laughing in the wind....it was hilarious.....& God was laughing so hard at my stubborn, hard-headedness that He snorted...yeah....
He always does that with me....when we share a good joke....
Sure it was funny. Because I had been making all so complicated....when it's really so very simple.
Abandon entirely. Let it go. Give it to God. He's got it all under control.
I didn't wait for Him to ask me the third time...
I simply said, Yes, Lord. I will.
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