Special....

Woke up yesterday morning...it was Sunday....day two of the most glorious weather Arkansas has ever seen in August.....and the first thought I had was....

"You are beautiful, MJ.....and very, very special."

Honest. I am not kidding.

I almost posted that as my status before I headed out to church....but somehow it felt silly....vain....& I worried that it might even sound a little "needy"....whatever...

So where did that come from?!? I wondered. Is it part of my sojourn?!?

It's hard...but I am deliberately trying to step back for awhile...to regroup...to recharge...renew my spirit. It's exhausting at times to be me....*sigh*....need a rest....and a chance to once again review the important questions....and to sit still & be quiet....so that the answers will come...to guide me through the quagmire of the weeks ahead....

The night before I went to see "Julie & Julia" with a great friend. It was a light-hearted & touching story....based on TWO true stories...of women who struggled with themselves....just like me. And guess what?!? Both of them were beautiful....and both of them were special....everyone saw it....except for them....sometimes....

There was one great scene....where Julia Child (Meryl Streep) and her husband (Stanley Tucci) are in their bedroom....she is rattling on and on in her quirky, overanalyzing way....and he is feeling amorous. It is obvious that there is a tremendous amount of love present.....two people who are best friends...sharing their lives together....and finding their passion there.

She says, "What if you hadn't loved me?!?!"
He says, "....but I did...."

That was it. Powerful stuff. Ok, maybe it was only really HUGE to me.

Then later in the movie at a dinner he is telling how how he feel in love with Julia....only, according to him, it wasn't something "show-stopping" or "bigger-than-life"....it was something that was "always there"....it just took him a while to figure it out.... it was real...and genuine...

...and the intangible part was much more than superfical physical attraction...it was something that was deeply grounded in emotion, intellect, and a passion that was a manifestation of the great friendship that existed between two people who plain & simply liked each other....just exactly the way they were....

He said, "There we were in China...at a dinner....and I realized, It's Julia....it's always been Julia!"

Gosh! And he was an attractive, intelligent, interesting, humorous man with a high profile position....and she was a part of the Embassy's administrative staff....quirky....outspoken....vibrant....often awkward....different.....

Yet he loved her....he didn't "fall in love" with her....it was much simpler than that...it was simply "always Julia".....

That's what I want. A true partnership....full of joy, encouragement, hope, disagreements, disappointments, love.....and passion....not something that "happens suddenly".....rather something that just IS....real & simple & natural....where he says, "It's MJ....it's always been MJ"

Anyway, the movie was great....it made me smile...and I thought about all of the different messages...messages that were relevant to the answers I am seeking....that were tucked away there...just for me....on Saturday....

So I laughed at myself and thought, it's no wonder I woke up thinking that...."You are beautiful MJ...and very, very special." Wasn't that the message in the movie?!? That we all are?!?

Put the top down...headed on over to church...thinking that the weekend had been restful & restorative for me so far....making my list for the day....clean off the porch....cook those fresh veges from the Farmer's Market...enjoy the day with Jessi.... start organizing those older blog posts...

...and refusing to fret over the questions....because I was giving myself enough time to let the answers emerge on their own....and I knew that if I was patient.....uh yeah, patient...than there wouldn't be any question about the answers....when they finally revealed themselves...

Del greeted us all warmly...."What do you need to hear....what part of your heart needs ot be touched...today?" Then there was great singing & some praying, too....

Randomly....in the midst of the pre-message stuff...Del said...outloud from the platform....

DO THE MATH!

Not once...not twice...not sure how many times....but that's what he said.

Honest. I don't make this stuff up.

It was totally "out-of-context" to my "do the math" story....but, you know, it's not something that people just SAY all of the time....yeah....DO THE MATH!

And then....came the message....it was about being SPECIAL.

....and I didn't even have to sit still & listen carefully to hear the chuckle that was welling up from the very depths of my best friend....God....the Creator of the Universe....it was a robust & boisterous laugh...spilling forth....surely everyone in the congregation was caught up in the moment of God's perfect timing & sense of humor....the snorting laughter didn't come until later in the evening...

Here's a little of what Del shared....paraphrased & interjected with some MJisms....just remember the good stuff was what Del said....always....

Some statitistics were shared about the number of babies born in the world & the US...didn't write them down...didn't need to....Del was holding an adorable child in his arms belonging to a family in the church....well, until his arms got tired....and he pointed out that to that family the statistics didn't really matter....the only one that was important was that ONE...the one in 10,000 or so that belonged to them....

Guess the same applies to one in 10,000,000, too....I'm just saying....

All of us are born special...then somehow....along the journey you're not special anymore....you lose sight of how special you are...yep...you had it once....then somewhere along the way it got lost...

...and if you don't find it....again....your specialness...than nothing in your life is ever going to work....that's right...nothing...relationships won't work....careers won't work....life won't work...

You must BELIEVE that you have value.

It's very simple. Really. Stop making it so hard.

What's important is the person you are....not the things you do.

If you don't think you are special than you don't expect much out of relationships....you don't expect much out of life...

...and guess what?!?! You can't outgrow "special".

It's true. Once special....always special. It just gets covered up sometimes by all of the muck and stuff that life throws at you.....and, of course, there's the greatest enemy of all...that robs you of your "specialness"....YOURSELF!

Yes, indeed. The messages you send to yourself are the most damaging and debilitating...and the end result is that you start drawing boundaries...and putting up walls around your heart....and making sure there is always a table...or a chair....or something between you and what's coming next....

Sure it's scary....to just go with it...to relax enough to embrace the good things when you find them...don't let your inner voice hold you back by saying "you don't deserve it" or "it's not real"...it's your choice...to take the chance...or to hug the table for too long...& then poof! it's gone....

There was more....it was a message that obviously touched Del deeply. I like it when that happens....because it's real...genuine...honest....and life doesn't get much better than that.

I left church feeling great....and the rest-of-the-day was nice....and later in the evening I ended up on the floor in a rip-roaring, gut-busting, snorting all-out laugh-a-thon with the Author of Special... Himself....

He simply couldn't resist.....or maybe He just wanted to be sure that I am getting IT....that the answer IS the answer....after all....but that's another story....one that I am not sure that I am ready to post publicly yet...

Just know that's it pretty hard to ignore what He is saying when He gives it to you in the "dummies" version....uh yeah...do the math....let me spell that out for you, MJ...synchronicity...

....there is no such thing as coincidence...ever..

Find the joy! Choose happy! Smile!


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