Ladybug GPS

Yesterday was beautiful.  Sun was shining.  Top was down.  A ladybug took a ride on my windshield.  All the way to the bowling alley & back, it perched there ... serving as my GPS ... enjoying the ride ...

Just like me ... I guess.

Back in my driveway, I reached for my camera.  I wanted to capture the moment.  That's when the ladybug took flight.  Must not like to have her picture taken ...

Just like me ... I guess.

Ladybugs are lucky.  Everyone knows that.  In some Asian cultures, it is believed that the ladybug understands human language ... and has been blessed by God ... Himself.

When my Google-search turned up that tidbit of ladybug lore, it made me smile. 

"Blessings" has been the word of the day ... for oh-so-many-days ...

So I guess it's really no surprise that a ladybug crossed my path yesterday. 

The past week has been full of unexpected developments ... interesting conversations ... and, for those who thrive on it, tremendous opportunities for drama.

I don't do drama.  Not well.  'Nuff said.

There's a certain dialogue ... underway ... that's weighing heavy on my mind. The what-to-say, what-not-to-say dilemma ... initiated by unforseen circumstances ... followed by a nudge ... well, actually it was more like a shove ... from my best friend, God, Creator of the Universe ... that sent me racing down a road I really wasn't ready to go down ...

... all of which came on the heels of several of other exhausting conversations ... situations ... as I keep trying to be there ... for a variety of friends ... when I don't even know where "there" is ...

Funny.  One day this week my little facebook fortune said "You are there."  Hopefully time will tell where it is ... that I have finally arrived.

So the beautiful day ... and the chances to enjoy the top down rides ... as I went about my Saturday errands was therapeutic ... and I was listening carefully ... respecting the silence ...

Upon return, I picked up one of the many books that I have laying around the house ... and flipped it open randomly ... landed on page 165 ... here's what I found ... there ...

"A vision we give to another of who & what they could become
has power when it echoes what the Spirit has already spoken into their souls."

The book is CONNECTING by Larry Crabb.  It was given to me a few years ago ... by a good friend ... who has been a source of encouragement & insight during my personal journey of the last 6 years ... for true intimacy ...   

Most people raise their eyebrows where I tell them that is my quest ... because most people think "intimacy" is just another word for "sex".  Wrong-a-mondo!

Intimacy is something entirely different.  It has to do with familiarity ... knowing someone well ... inside & out ... it implies a close relationship ... one that has long ago dispensed with ceremony & formality.  It's the sharing of life between two people in an open, real, genuine way.  There is emotional intimacy ... intellectual intimacy ... & physical intimacy.

Good friendships will be based on at least one or a combination of the three. Oftentimes some truly intimate relationships are purely platonic ... the emotional & intellectual connections are so strong.

 The most special of relationships ... true intimacy ... would embody them all. 
However, those connections are extremely rare ...

... like maybe, one in ten million.

The book raises ... & addresses ... the questions:  "Why are we afraid of connecting with others?  And what has prevented us from achieving the thrill of intimacy with friends & family that God wants us to have?"

My friend sent me to find the book ... because ... he knows that connections come as natural as breathing to me ... that all three "intimacies" are important to me ... and at the time,  he said I was "ready" ... whatever that means.

Haven't spent much time with the book ... yet ... even though I've had it for quite awhile.  So maybe I wasn't really as ready as he thought.

Yesterday, it spoke to my questioning heart.

It went on to say ...

"A Spirit-inspired vision sometimes includes an idea of what a person could do, but it always centers on what a person could become."

Validating for me the highly charged conversations of the week .. affirming that somehow ... instinctively ... my responses were right ... and appropriate.  Whew!  That makes me feel a little bit better .. about things.

 

I had goals for the day ... yesterday. Make enough chicken spaghetti to feed a small army ... get Jessi to-and-from all of her dates with Donald ... clean up the patio ... & make a concentrated effort to start organizing the patio storage room.

Most of the immediate moving around in the storage room had to do with Christmas stuff.  Then I moved on to some boxes of old samples from my promtional products days .... tossed some ... kept some cool little items ... began a give-it-away box. 

In the midst of those types of boxes, I stumbled across a random CD case ... full of CDs.  I had to smile.  It was Abbi's old playlist ... from the days before Ipods & Iphones ... her encyclopedia of music ... the soundtrack of both of our lives ... during some of the toughest times ... ever.

Abbi has very cool taste in music.  She enjoys many of my oldies favorites.  More importantly, though, she has always introduced me to fresh, new artists ... artists who sing songs with messages ... that tell stories .. that touch my heart.

When I went on my one-and-only-roadtrip since my divorce ... a couple of years ago ... I asked Abbi for all of these CDs ... I wanted it to be my own little "roadmap" much like in her favorite movie, Elizabethtown. 

She couldn't find them ... at the time ... duh?!?! ... now I know they were lurking around in my storage room ... so she gave me her Ipod instead ... and said "Just hit shuffle, Mom, all of your songs will be there!"

The memory of Abbi's roadmap of music ... on the road to re-discovering myself ... always makes me smile!

Of course, I was still pondering the heartening message I had found in the book earlier. 

It said that if you were the one who had a vision of someone else's potential that it almost always created "anguish in your heart".

That was reassuring.  Guess my present uncertainty is a normal ... expected ... thing.  Thank goodness for that one!  Because there's no doubt that I have been anguished several times in recent days over the circumstances ... the honesty that was required of me ... the discomfort I have had at times in offering it ... & now the uncertainity of how things will play out ... because of that honesty.


Drug another box out & hidden in the bottom were stacks of yellowed papers, newspaper clippings, magazine pages ... and beneath them were two metal card files of differing sizes & a book sealed up in a plastic bag.

What a find!  It was my Mimi's recipe trove that I have somehow been moving around with me ... unawares ... from house-to-house ... state-to-state ... for a whole lot of years.  As I sifted through the papers I realized those were copies of her old favorites ... rewritten in later years ... with a big bold Sharpie marker on lined paper ... so that her failing eyes could read them. 

In the boxes are hundreds of recipe cards .... most of them written by her own hand ... a collected outpouring of love from a woman who was my mentor in the art of making people feel valued, loved & special.

... and the book in the plastic bag is a copy of a Good Housekeeping cookbook copyright 1941 ... in mint condition ... must have been one of her favorites!

As I set there in the sunshine, memories flooded over me as I remembered this dish ... that cake ... a family occasion of some sort ... or a simple meal made memorable by her attention to detail ... and love for good food & pretty things.

It was like finding an atlas of favorite adventures ...  based on a loved one's journey ... just waiting for me to revisit ... and claim as my own.

Throughout the afternoon,  I found myself wandering back to the book... 

" A Spirit-inspired vision is less concerned with
practically moving someone in a good direction

and more concerned with them catching a glimpse of what could be."

What could be ... now there's something worth spending some time on ... at least that's what I have been trying to tell my friends ... in my own words and ways ...

It would be EASIER to want less for the people I care about, I know.
Good visions hurt.

But, easy ... that's just not my style. Not always sure if that's a good thing  ... especially when you hold the direct & honest cards ... as well ...

It got to be late in the day ... evening actually ... I had dropped Jessi off at the dance ... picked up some sushi & wine ... and settled in on the patio ... to enjoy the nice weather ... and spend a little bit of quiet time ...

My mind was still caught up in the unsolicited drama that had played out ... all week ... so I picked up the book again ... for one more look ... at the passage I had started earlier ...   

Having such a vision for someone, according to Crabb, is a form of spiritual warfare.  Final victory is guaranteed, but, along the way, temporary setbacks & serious defections create levels of anguish that reduce us to prayer."

Wow! That's exactly where I was on Wednesday nite ... with my Band of Gypsys ... discussing how we are always under attack ... at war ... that it's the context of everything.

Our small group is studing Waking The Dead by John Eldredge and here's what we discussed this week:

"Until we come to terms with war as the context of our days we will not understand life.  We will misinterpret 90 percent of what is happening around us and to us.  It will be very hard to believe that God's intentions towards us are life abundant;  it will be even harder not to feel that somehow we are blowing it ..."

Sitting there on the patio ...  my burden was suddenly lightened.  It's so very cool how God does that.  He tells you something ... important ... then tells you again & again .... in a bunch of different ways ... just to be sure that you are "getting it"... if you are paying attention ...

Here's a little more from Eldredge:

"You won't understand your life, you won't see clearly what has happened to you or how to live forward from here unless you see it as a BATTLE.  A war against your heart.  And you are going to need your whole heart for what's coming next.  I don't mean what's coming next in the story I'm telling ... I mean what's coming next in the life you are living."

Have to laugh ... out loud.  I mean, really, do you think He could spell it out any clearer for me?!?!    And I love it when He explains it to me ... so simply & vividly ... and uses my VERY OWN words ... in the explanation.

By the time I called it a night ... there was a bit more stuff ... a little easier than some of that from earlier in the week, though ... or maybe I was just better equipped ... somehow ...

With an atlas full of treasured adventures waiting to be re-visited ... a roadmap that encompasses the soundtrack of my life the last few years ... and a ladybug GPS ... no doubt I am READY for whatever's coming next ...

Not to mention the fortune in my cookie that came with my sushi ...
GOOD NEWS IS ON IT'S WAY ...

... so here I am ... impatiently waiting patiently ... Amen.

http://www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com/
(c) March 2011



On blessings ...

"YOU are a blessing in my life.  Let's be friends always."  That came to me in a text message on Thanksgiving ... from an unexpected source.

It confused me at the time.  It still does.

Since then, blessing is a word ... an idea ... that keeps popping up ... randomly.

Many people speak of the blessings in their lives ... when they are actually talking about things ... possessions ... material stuff ... status ... clout ... money ... power ... things that have worldly value.

Actually blessings aren't material things at all.  They are positive forces ... feelings ... of approval ... of encouragement ... of happiness. 

Blessing is a living word and it generally comes from people ... who make you feel valued, special, encouraged, happy by their words & actions ... not from inanimate objects.

Interesting thing ... the friend who sent me the Thanksgiving message ... continues to mention his blessings in our conversations ... from time-to-time ... it always makes me smile!

At church yesterday, as I was wandering around waiting to sit down God whispered in my ear ... 'I am getting ready to BLESS you, MJ ... are you ready?!?" 

Heck yeah, I'm ready.  I've been impatiently waiting patiently ... for something new ... for what's coming next ... to be living the life I want to be living ... for a very long time.  So bring on the blessing!

I wrote it down ... so that I wouldn't forget the promise ...

The music was great ... sang some of my favorites ...

You give & take away

You give & take away

And still my heart will say

Blessed be Your name ...

How great is our God

Sing with me ...

And it's the cry of my heart

To bring you praise ..

To love you from the inside out ...

Having found myself in a discouraged & overwhelmed place for a few days ... it was uplifting to me ... to know that a blessing was coming my way ... and to sing so many songs that make me smile ...

So Del's making announcements ... singing Happy Birthday ... and I am doodling in my journal ...

... rare & unique ... one-of-a-kind ... once-in-a-lifetime opportunity ... the time is now ... either take a chance ... or simply let the moment pass you by ...

Lost in my thoughts ... about choices, changes, chances ... situations I have no control over ... things that I wish would happen ... sooner than later ... and right on cue, the title of the message flashed up on the screen:

LIVING A BLESSED LIFE

And before I even heard the laughter of my best friend, God, Creator of the Universe ... I heard Him snort ... He simply couldn't control Himself ... He had been holding it in all through the songs ... and He was about to bust a gut!

Seriously.  Why am I always sooooo surprised?!?!

"All these blessings will come down on you and spread out beyond you because you have responded to the voice of God ... YOUR God."    ~ Deuteronomy 28:2

... and then Del began to share about the blessed life ...

The sense of blessing can be found when you enjoy WHO you are ... you enjoy life around you ... your life has a positive sense of goodness ... you live life as a celebration.  Yes. It's true.  You find that state of blessedness.

First, you must CHOOSE life.  That's what he said.

Then ... out-of-the-blue ... Del took a poke at ME.  Well, actually, I am pretty sure it wasn't Del's idea ... cuz my buddy, God, was still snickering in my ear ....

Choosing happy.  That's where he went.  He said that he thought people who say happy is  a choice ... are silly ... maybe he even said stupid ... I don't really remember ... I was so stunned at the direct hit ... to ME ! 

Needless to say, I sat up and took note ... I was definitely paying attention! 

He made a reference to a book titled Happiness Is A Choice.

I am not familiar with the book ... nor it's premise.  The Amazon link there says that the author "contends that if you change a belief or attitude you can change your life". 

I'm ok with that. 

It also says that "Section six has short chapters detailing shortcuts to happiness. "  Not so sure about that, though.  There are never shortcuts to things that are worthwhile, important & of value to your life ... but that's a topic for another day ...

Back to Del's comments ... about "choosing happy" ... he said it wasn't that simple.  Apparently he doesn't GET IT!

So he continued on with his discussion of  "choosing life"...

We must decide that we don't want to walk in drudgery & dreariness.  It's our choice.  We can choose to LIVE !!!

The nudge came ... dreariness, MJ ... that's what you've been feeling the last few days ... you allowed those other people with their random comments to rob you of your joy ... of the hope ... & enthusiasm you were feeling earlier in the week ...

... when you were feeling the state of blessedness ... in your life ... in the life of another ...

Yep. He was right, of course.  I allowed others to pull the rug right out from under my positive attitude. Instead of keeping hold of  the great feeling that my heart says is genuine & real.

The keys to finding blessedness are life, love, listen & embrace.

I liked that!  There was some elaboration on each of those keys ... but my mind was wandering.  And looking back through my notes, the only thing I wrote down during this part of the message was a question ...

Do you want to share LIFE with someone ... or do you just want to give away pieces of yourself in meaningless places ... and ways?

That was MY question ... not Del's ... it's one that I struggle with ... a lot ... not going down that road here ...

As Del got into his thoughts on "embrace", I was brought back from my own thoughts ...

The outer man is getting ... and somehow I didn't write down the word he used here  but I think it was something like ...exhausted, drained, worn-out ... each day;  the inner man is being renewed each day ... becoming more & more alive.

Embrace ... grab a hold .. of the good things that come your way ... especially the people who uplift you ... encourage you ... show you how very, very special you are ... that cause you to realize how blessed you are ...

So there you have it.  Choosing to live ... choosing the state of blessedness ... choosing happy (MJ-style) ... they're all the same things.  It's just a matter of what you CHOOSE to call it.

And, yes, it's really that simple.  Choosing it, I mean.  The hard part comes in the day-to-day putting into practice of your choice.

So choose to LIVE!  Whatever number of days God has in store for the rest of your life ... don't waste them in random places ... with people who don't mean anything to you ... LIVE them to the fullest ... even if it means taking a risk ... a chance on being hurt ... better to FEEL ALIVE than to exhaust yourself pretending you don't deserve better ... that you don't really want anything more ... than ordinary.

It's impossible to fill the holes in your heart ... in your life ... with the emptiness that comes from worthless encounters ... from friendships/relationships that mean nothing ... other than momentary satisifaction or immediate gratification ...

Nothing comes from nothing

Nothing ever could ...

I love that song from The Sound of Music ... and that scene.  It's very powerful.  That's what LIFE is supposed to feel like ... all of the time.  I want that!  God wants that for me, too!

God just wants us to feel blessed ... in the midst of life's chaos. And He sends people into our lives to help us feel that way. It's up to each of us whether we want to "go there" or not. It's a little scary, actually. The whole feeling blessed thing ... because we really don't think we deserve it ... the good stuff ... the wonderous power of being cherished ... worthy ... and besides, feelings are REALLY scary ... at times .. especially if you've been hurt or let down by someone you loved & trusted with your heart ... your self ... your life .. in the past.

Ok .. some of this is MJ-isms ... not at all what Del said ... it's always a hodgepodge here ... of me, Del & the prankster of the Universe, God.

Del's closing gambit:

Bless. That's your job. To bless. Others.  Be a blessing. You will get a blessing.

.... and God said ... 'You're almost there, MJ.  Soon. Very soon.  You're blessing is already on it's way!"

MaryJane smiled.

http://www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com/

March 2011



A Flat Tire

A couple of weeks ago I had a flat tire...well, actually it was a blow-out...

Yep...tire blew...and so did a friendship...at exactly the same time...

I had met some friends after work for a visit.  It had been one of those evenings that didn't really go as expected...people kept showing up that were unexpected...and for the most part, that was a good thing.

So it's dark...and I am on the highway...and my tire just gives it up.  Ugh.  I pull over on the shoulder. 

What to do?!?  Then I remembered that somewhat randomly I had reinstated my AAA membership a few weeks earlier...had let it lapse because I hadn't used it in a year or so...then something came up...I was on the phone with my AAA friend about something else...decided what-the-heck, I should start it up again...just in case I decide to take a trip soon...

Coincidence?  Ha ha.  Never!

Of course, I didn't have my "new" AAA card with me.  Didn't matter.  I called the roadside assistance number on the old one & they dispatached someone to help me...pronto.

In the meantime, I am sitting in the dark on the side of the highway...having a text argument with a friend who couldn't understand...well, let's just say...it was a stupid exchange...and I was frustrated...

With her...with my tire...

Very soon the tow-truck guy arrived.  I unloaded my trunk so that we could get to the spare tire.  I've only had this car a year and have never needed the spare. 

Then he turns to me and says, "Where's the key to your tire?"  Or wheel...or whatever.

I was clueless.  He patiently explained to me that some cars have a "key" (which looks like a socket thingy) that is used to remove the nuts on the tire. 

I don't know.  That's all I could say.

We looked in the trunk and found the bag that it had probably been in orginally.  He suggested the glove box...said a lot of people keep it there. 

Nope.  Not there. 

I search every pocket and compartment in the car.  No key.

The entire time my friend is texting me about what a lousy friend I am....because....well, like I said....it was stupid.

So the nice tow-truck guy says he can't change my tire without the key thingy...so he's just going to tow me to my house...I will have to figure it out in the morning...

Beats leaving my car on the side of the road.  So he calls in to tell whoever what his plan is...I start putting things back in my trunk.

Checking to be sure I didn't leave anything there on the road, I swing my little flashlight beam along the sides of the car. 

Hmmm...what't that?!?  In the middle of the road.  Right by the line between the two northbound lanes.  It's a shiny object.

On a whim, I step out into the highway to retrieve it.  Huh.  It's a socket looking thingy.

So I take it to the nice tow-truck man and he says into his phone, "Oh, she just foumd the key."

Where did you find it?  That was his question.  I said, well it was just laying out there in the middle of the highway....by the line.  He looks incredulous.

Is it yours?  he queries.

Uh...I don't know.

So he tried it...somewhat like Cinderella's shoe...and it fits. 

Amazing.  That's what he said.  To not have my "key".  Then to find one in the middle of the road.  And it fit my tire.

Not really.  God takes care of things for me like that...all of the time.  That's what I told him

Spare is now on.  It's low on air.  The nice tow-truck guy says he will follow me to the next exit to put some air into it so it doesn't go flat...too...on my way home.  He hops into his truck...me into my car.

Turn the key...the one in the ignition. 

Nothing.  Battery is dead.  Obviously the flashers for over an hour had drained the battery.

I jump out...knock on his window...he repositions the truck...gives me a jump...and we are on our way.

There is nothing open at the exit.  So we pull into the closed gas station & look for the air pump.  Luckily there is one.  Yeah!

As he starts filling out paperwork, I head over to the air pump. 

"Air $1.00 ... Quarters only."  That's what the sign said.

Digging around in my purse...I have several "dollars" but only ONE quarter.

So I knock on his window again.  He looks out as if to say, "Now what?!?!"

I explain about the quarters...he says no problem he has some...after an exhaustive search he only has TWO quarters...so...well...there we are in a dark gas station...with only THREE quarters...

...and, yes, I am still receiving "supportive" messages from my friend...reminding me how selfish I am because I am only concerned about my tire...and being stuck on the side of the road...in the dark...instead of giving her the phone number...RIGHT NOW...to a man she doesn't know...

Sheesh.  So we decide to drive a little further down the exit to see if we can find an open gas station or at the very least somewhere to get change for a dollar.  Then I remember that I have a remedy in my trunk.

I pull out my itty-bitty air compressor that plugs into my cigarette lighter.  It's the one I use to air up my lawn mower tires.

The nice tow-truck guy just starts laughing...really hard.  He shakes his head and says, it will take all night for that little thing to put enough air in your tire to make it safe for you to drive all the way home...but sure, why not...let's try it while I finish filling out the paperwork.

So I hook it up...and it starts a whirring....and I am thinking how amusing all of this has been...

I am safe, after all.  And everything's working out.  Well, except for the situation with my friend who has now informed me that I have "thrown away" our friendship...

Actually that was funny, too.  Seriously.

The tow-truck guy is finished with his paperwork.  He walks over to check on my tire. Apparently, the little-compressor-that-could had whirred enough air into my tire to reach the exactly right psi pressure.

Stunned & amazed he turned to me.  He said that he'd never been on a call quite like this one. 

It must be your lucky day.  That's what he said.

When I got home, I tried to call my friend.  She had blocked me on her phone.  She had defriended me on facebook.

...gosh...must not have been much of a friendship to begin with...never thought it would hinge on a random man's phone number...

The next day I went and bought a new tire.  The spare was placed back into it's compartment in my trunk.  I checked to be sure that all that other stuff in my trunk was arranged in some orderly fashion.

It was. All neatly placed there in the trunk.  And laying there on the trunk carpet...in plain sight...

Two quarters.  Yep.  I had everything I needed all along...and one to spare...

Does that ever happen to you?  Do you ever feel like you're blessed...you know...stuff just happens?!?

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com

(c) Mary Jane Sawyer, June 2010

Timing...

Everything in it's own time.  Impatiently wait patiently.  A delay is not a denial. 

be still...Be Still...BE STILL!!!   

Timing is everything.

Procrastination...the putting off intentionally that which should be done...has a lot to do with timing, too. 

What does it matter if I do that now, I ask myself.  Nothing is really going to change.  It's been so long since anything really changed for me...

ha ha...sitting here struggling with what it is that I want to say...listening halfheartedly to the radio...

"Welcome to the Hotel California....
we are all just prisoners here...of our own device...

you can check out anytime you like but you can never leave...."

Yep.  The Eagles nailed it.  THAT is my life.  The Hotel California.

This week was, well, it just was...

Decisions were made.  Things were done.  Time will tell if the choices were the right ones.

I had a conversation that I had been putting off...forever...because once certain things are said outloud, you can't take them back.  *Sigh*  So I said the things I needed to say.  It actually went better than I thought. 

That's something, I guess. 

At the end of the day...it didn't really matter...it never does...it was only important to me...nothing really changed.

By Friday, I had rounded up all of the fixin's for a fish fry.  It was going to be a dandy one.  Aunt Julia would have been so proud...of me...she loved a party.,,afterall...even an ole fashion pity party.

Trouble was, I didn't really want to go there...it just seemed like the thing to do...at the time.

A-fryin' my fish...

So I decided that wasn't such a good idea...heck, it wasn't like I didn't have plenty of productive things to do...just didn't see any reason to do 'em...

I said to myself, "Self...do something worthwhile..then we'll see about them fish."

Decided to clean out a closet in the front room.  I had been sticking boxes of stuff that needed to be sorted through in there for....well, it appears it's been at least year...

First box was all of the old pictures from Aunt Julia's house.  When she first went to the nursing home, I gathered up every picture I could find and took them to her.  She was going to tell me who all of the people in the faded photos from the early 1900s were and I was going to mark them so they would have meaning to those of us who had not known them.

It never happened. 

So there I was sorting through a box of other people's memories...without a clue...strange faces of people who are somehow a part of me...each of them is important...their lives were full of stories...that aren't ever going to be told...again...

You see, Aunt Julia thought she had plenty of time...to share those stories.  We both kept putting it off.  Then the time came when she couldn't remember the stories...or the faces...

Or me...

I went back to my fish fryin...for just a little while...

Then I tackled some smaller boxes of stuff that were mostly just nothing.  Put this in the box to give away...set these things aside for Abbi...and, hey, maybe these things are worth something on ebay...

Two autographed pictures of Lash LaRue...some cool little butter warmers shaped like ears of corn that are old & "made in japan"...

There in one of many boxes of old & rare Razorback memorabilia was a small tin of ARKANSAS RAZORBACK Pure Unsweetened Sow's Milk distrbuted "everywhere to remind you that if it's happening in Arkansas it's on KLRA 1010 - the voice of Arkansas".

Found the LaRue pictures online...some similar but not identical corn dishes...and absolutely no reference of the Sow's Milk.  Must have been a very limited quantity. I may have the only tin in existence, who knows...

Another box contained some of the books that I always like to keep in my office...when I have a real one...

The Little Engine That Could

The Angel Book: A Handbook For Aspiring Angels

Disney's Add A Little Magic-Words of Inspiration

Box-by-box...enhanced by a couple of friendly interventions...the fish were fried but the party ended early...

Score one for MJ!

I was at church this morning...present but not really...present. 

Del shared a story about his trip to California and his hotel experience...

Hotel...California...that struck me as funny...just now....

Anyway, he started by saying " Do you ever feel like you're blessed,,,you know...stuff just happens?"

It made me smile.. & I was reminded of my flat tire experience a week or so ago.  Not going to tell that one here..will save it for another post...still...it was exactly like Del said...there you are in a not great situation and stuff just happens...and you know without a doubt that God's hanging around...nearby...chuckling at the look of surprise when you are reminded once again that you are blessed!

Sermon title was something like "Discovering Your Importance By Experiencing Your Unimportance"...it was up there on the screen...and I realized that Del & God were double-teaming me...AGAIN...

Imagine that.

Unnecessary.  That was the first thing that popped into my head.

I had been struggling all week to come up with the word that described the funk I was in.  As I sat there waiting for whatever it was that I was supposed to hear this morning...I remembered the word....the one that Aunt Julia always used to describe her reason-to-pity-party...she would say she felt "unnecessary".

That's exactly how I have been feeling.  So I looked it up...expecting to find something profound in the definition...that would give it MEANING & help me sort through my feelings of late...

unnecessary - adj. - not necessary

Nothing profound about that...pretty simple & self-explanatory.  *Sigh*

Then Del proceeded to tell every single one of us...that we were guilty of the "little man" syndrome. Cracked me up.  He didn't actually call it that...but I bet if he'd thought about it, he would have. 

And visions of  Pete - The Mighty Dog...our very own "little man"...overwhelmed me...

I miss Pete.  He loved me just for being me.  Every day.  No matter what. 

Yesterday, a neighbor wandered into the yard after his dog...he said, "my dog likes to chase your rabbit...if you ever see me in your backyard, that's why...I am after my dog."

Pete would have loved that...one of his buddies taking up his rabbit chasing...it made me smile.

Del's message was on the human desire to feel important.

The premise is that we have our "small" self and our "greater" self...ego vs. Holy Spirit.  Our small self tries to impress people with "who" we are and "what" we do.  We can't let go of our small selves because we no longer believe in ...or maybe we never have discovered...our greater self. 

So what does God do?  He destablizes our small self.  He dismantles us brick-by-brick. 

That's what Del said.  Interesting choice of words.  Brick-by-brick.  It was there just for me.

God is dismantling me brick-by-brick...well, yeah, I knew that...I've been strugging with my walls for quite some time...the ones that I have put in place to keep others out...the ones I have put in place to keep me safe inside...

No one gets to see the Wizard.

Not no one...Not no how...

Everyone wants to be significant...to be important.  Del's right about that, I guess.  I think, though, there is a difference between the two.

Important - marked by worth or consequence;
valuable in content or relationship

Significant - having meaning

Speaking for me, I am more concerned with "having meaning" to my life than being viewed as 'valuable".  Both have a lot to do with how we live our lives, though. 

So does "unnecessary".

Brick-by-brick, God is taking me apart.  He is dismantling my walls. Not to hurt.  But to heal. 

Whether I like it or not.

God whispers in my ear at times...and ...other times, He's throwing those bricks at my head...at my heart...

Because I DO struggle with the questions "Do I matter?  Am I making a difference?"  And going a little deeper..."What's wrong with me?  Why is everyone else special to someone...and not me?"

Then comes the affirmation from my best friend, the Creator of the Universe:

You ARE significant...necessary.

You are valued for simply being who you are...

You matter to Me, MJ.
You are special.

You are important to Me...always...

& you don't have to do a thing.

End of subject.

It is well...it is well...with my soul.

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com

(c) Mary Jane Sawyer, June 2010