At times, I will be cruising along ... deep in thought ... or singing really loud ... with the top down when I realize that I'm seeing the road from a somewhat different perspective. It's as if I am looking over my shoulder ... from the back seat ... watching me drive but it's not really me ...
An out-of-body-experience kind of thing.
It's not really scary. Actually it's peaceful & comforting. Just a bigger-picture view ... through the windshield ... as the scenery changes.
A week ago ... it was Monday ... I settled in to watch a screener of a movie that had been sent to me by some people that I don't know ... that aren't even from Arkansas. I had had it for a few days but had purposely waited until I had a block of time ... that could be uninterrupted.
The name of the movies is HAPPY NEW YEAR. It blew me away. Not sure where exactly ... in the story ... that the tears started flowing ... but by the time the final scene faded to the credits ... my face was wet from my silent tears ... and the emotions were so strong ... so deep ... that I was physically shaken. You see ... it's a movie ... about touching lives ... and making a difference.
... and there was a line from a song ... that kept playing over and over ... in the back of my mind ... I realized that I had been hearing it ... under the dialogue on the screen ... without being aware of it. It wasn't a part of the soundtrack on the dvd ... it was part of the soundtrack in my head ...
.... in the end ... only kindness matters ...
Not sure when it started playing ... probably about the same time ... the tears started flowing.
I took a few minutes of silence ... then I spoke outloud ... to my best friend ... because He's always in hearing range ... Forgive us.
That's all I could think to say. And then I went to find the song ... because I really couldn't remember the rest of the words. Imagine my surprise when I pulled up the official video ... and the opening scene was watching through the windshield ... as if over the shoulder ... of Jewell (or me) ... driving ... windshield wipers ... wiping away the rain ... as if they were tears.
Haunting. That was the word I used to describe the movie ... and the feeling stayed with me ... for most of the rest of the day.
It was later in the evening ... that the call came. Someone that I care a lot about ... was standing on the sidewalk ... surrounded by family ... friends ... and strangers. Watching. As her world went up in flames.
I am pretty sure it felt like an out-of-body experience ... to her ... from where she was standing.In the days since a-week-ago-Monday ... I can't even begin to count the number of times we've said that she ... lost everything ... in the telling of the story ... the sharing of the news.
Everything ... except her beautiful daughter ... her lively little dog. Everything ... except her bright spirit ... her confident faith. Everything ... except her friends.
It's hard to fathom ... starting out a new day ... with absolutely nothing ... other than the clothes on your back ... until it happens to you ... or you witness it firsthand in the life of someone you love. You think you know ... but really ... you don't.
Friends rolled up their sleeves ... waded in and out of the pouring rain ... sorted through smoke filled stuff ... searching for any pieces of life-as-she-knew-it ... that could be salvaged. Strangers showed up with boxes ... food ... cold drinks ... trucks ...
Whatever was needed ... was provided ... at exactly the right time. The outpouring of love, support, assistance ... of kindness ... has been a tremendous blessing to all who have been a part of this story.
A restoration of faith in people ... more than one has made that observation ... and the song is still playing in my head ...
.... in the end ... only kindness matters ...
This morning I sat down to write. Before I started, I went back to the official video of the song. I was fully prepared for the images ... you know, the haunting opening scene of Jewell driving ... and me watching over her shoulder ... from the backseat ... I had already been blindsided by that one ... last week ... today it was just the words ... I wanted to be reminded of the words ...
And once again ... the tears are flowing ... not sure when they started .... probably about the time the view shifted from the windshield ... to what was going on outside of the car ...
Am I really so self-absorbed that I had forgotten ... the rest of the visual story? Or is it just one more of those gentle nudges ... drawing me back ... to something important ... somethat that I'm not supposed to miss?
Walking wounded. Everywhere. In my circle friends. In the circles that are touched by my ripples ... by their ripples ... as the impact of our words and actions ... flow beyond our vision ... past the windshield ... as people everywhere ... are either trapped inside the burning walls of their hearts ... or are standing on the sidelines ... as their world crashes ... and they think ... they've lost everything.
Other stories have unfolded ... in the lives of people that I care about ... over the last week. Silly, shallow stories in comparison. He said. She said. Everyone likes me better than you ... or you ... or you. Nanana boo boo. Whatever.
Friendship ... that's the common theme in all of the stories ... of the past week ... of life. And I've given a lot of thought to what it means to be a friend ... what it means to have a friend.
My friend who lost everything is the kind of friend who gives everything.
It's really no surprise that when the going got rough ... it was revealed that she had the best friends ... ever. That's what I told her ... of course, she didn't need me to tell her ... she got it all on her own.
And I wonder ... what if it had been me?!? Have I been the kind of friend who has selflessly given to others? If I lost everything, would anyone show up to help me sort through the ashes? If I came face-to-face with the "what comes around" from my "what goes around" would I like the reflection?
Sunday after church, we got all the way to McDonalds before Donald started talking to me about the grasshopper. He said it was on the car again. I reminded him that that was LAST Sunday. He persisted ... annoyed & agitated. I was equally frustrated.
You see, I am ashamed to admit it ... but I had allowed myself to get mentally caught up in the superficial drama. It was distracting me from ... what was really important.
Arms crossed and a little bit angry, he asked me if I wanted him to SHOW me the grasshopper. I said sure ... go ahead. That would put an end to the senseless conversation. Once and for all.
I was looking through the windshield. No grasshopper there. Surely he could see that, too.
He unbuckled his seat belt and climbed out of the car. Looking back at me ... from the other side of the windshield ... he pointed to the little indention where the windshield wipers rest ... and sure enough ... there was a grasshopper.
Donald says it was the same one ... from the week before ... anything's possible, I guess.
The next day ... Monday, again ... I had coffee with my mom. She'd been on vacation. So she told me her stories ... and I told her mine. Not sure why, but I told her about the grasshopper ... both encounters. She mused that she wasn't sure that she had ever actually seen a grasshopper up close.
I told her I would send her the story about the first grasshopper ... and what I discovered from that encounter. (Hoppin' A Ride) We both smiled.
Headed out the door ... reached over to put my things in the car ... the top was down, of course ... and came face-to-face with a ... backseat driver.
He was just hanging out there ... waiting on me. It caught me by surprise ... and I called to my mom ... because I certainly didn't want her to miss the opportunity ... to see a grasshopper .. up close ... and personal.
Not sure what to make of it all ... Everyone who knows me knows I don't believe in coincidences. And, yes, I think things happen for reasons. My experience has been that the real reasons are never the shallow, surface ones ... and probably most of the time we never actually discern what the real reasons were at all.
And 2 ...10 ... or 100 people can all be witnessing the same thing ... experiencing the same events ... and every single one of them comes away with a different account ... a variety of interpretations ... and lessons learned that were uniquely their own.
I have no idea why it was her house ... that the lightning struck. Or why the grasshopper has moved from the other side of the windshield ... to the backseat ...
I do know that my life has been forever changed by the experiences.
Friendship ... that's the common theme in all of the stories ... of the past week ... of life. And I've given a lot of thought to what it means to be a friend ... what it means to have a friend.
My friend who lost everything is the kind of friend who gives everything.
It's really no surprise that when the going got rough ... it was revealed that she had the best friends ... ever. That's what I told her ... of course, she didn't need me to tell her ... she got it all on her own.
And I wonder ... what if it had been me?!? Have I been the kind of friend who has selflessly given to others? If I lost everything, would anyone show up to help me sort through the ashes? If I came face-to-face with the "what comes around" from my "what goes around" would I like the reflection?
Sunday after church, we got all the way to McDonalds before Donald started talking to me about the grasshopper. He said it was on the car again. I reminded him that that was LAST Sunday. He persisted ... annoyed & agitated. I was equally frustrated.
You see, I am ashamed to admit it ... but I had allowed myself to get mentally caught up in the superficial drama. It was distracting me from ... what was really important.
Arms crossed and a little bit angry, he asked me if I wanted him to SHOW me the grasshopper. I said sure ... go ahead. That would put an end to the senseless conversation. Once and for all.
I was looking through the windshield. No grasshopper there. Surely he could see that, too.
He unbuckled his seat belt and climbed out of the car. Looking back at me ... from the other side of the windshield ... he pointed to the little indention where the windshield wipers rest ... and sure enough ... there was a grasshopper.
Donald says it was the same one ... from the week before ... anything's possible, I guess.
The next day ... Monday, again ... I had coffee with my mom. She'd been on vacation. So she told me her stories ... and I told her mine. Not sure why, but I told her about the grasshopper ... both encounters. She mused that she wasn't sure that she had ever actually seen a grasshopper up close.
I told her I would send her the story about the first grasshopper ... and what I discovered from that encounter. (Hoppin' A Ride) We both smiled.
Headed out the door ... reached over to put my things in the car ... the top was down, of course ... and came face-to-face with a ... backseat driver.He was just hanging out there ... waiting on me. It caught me by surprise ... and I called to my mom ... because I certainly didn't want her to miss the opportunity ... to see a grasshopper .. up close ... and personal.
Not sure what to make of it all ... Everyone who knows me knows I don't believe in coincidences. And, yes, I think things happen for reasons. My experience has been that the real reasons are never the shallow, surface ones ... and probably most of the time we never actually discern what the real reasons were at all.
And 2 ...10 ... or 100 people can all be witnessing the same thing ... experiencing the same events ... and every single one of them comes away with a different account ... a variety of interpretations ... and lessons learned that were uniquely their own.
I have no idea why it was her house ... that the lightning struck. Or why the grasshopper has moved from the other side of the windshield ... to the backseat ...
I do know that my life has been forever changed by the experiences.
... in the end ... only kindness matters ...
(c) August 2011
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