I was outside ... not sure where.
I wasn't really doing anything ... just taking some time ... to be outside.
A flock of pigeons ... that IS what you call a group of pigeons, isn't it?!?! A flock?!?
Anyway ... a whole bunch of pigeons were overhead ... hovering ... not really flying ... just hanging out there ... above me.
And you guessed it ... they pooped on me.
Not just one ... or two ... pigeons pooped. It was the whole flock a-pooping ... seriously ... it was raining pigeon poop.
On me.
Not too surprising, I guess, to have a dream like that right now. Being showered by do-do ... and simply too tired to move ...
Truth is ... I AM tired ... exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally ...
There is no question that a change of pace is in order ... soon ... very soon.
Endurance ... that has been the goal ... the last few weeks. The race is on ... and, yeah, I admit that it's possible that I am attempting to run the relay ...
on my own ...
Each time a leg of the race is finished ... I reach the mark only to find that there is no one there ...
to accept the baton ... so I simply keep running ... to stay in the race ...
The choice is to quit ... midstream ... not finish what was started ... or to keep running ... pressing on ... pushing through the tiredness ... staying focused on the finish line ... ... reminding myself ... as I gasp for breath ... with every agonizing step ... that it's not about winning ... it's about finishing ...
Keep moving forward ... it's the only viable option.
... except maybe to ... stop.
And stopping. Well, it's not really any option. There's too much at stake.
So here I am ... at that place ... where you simply stop feeling ... conciously.
Something like auto-pilot, I guess. There's no thinking ... just doing ... instinctively. Maybe that's what runners feel ... when they push themselves ... beyond what they believe to be their limit ... runner's high.
When the body is put under stress, the mind responds accordingly.
And vice versa.
"Some may ask why I am running such long distances.
There are reasons. During the ultras I come to a point where my body is almost dead. My mind has to take leadership. When it is very hard there is a war going on between the body and the mind. If my body wins, I will have to give up; if my mind wins, I will continue. At that time I feel that I stay outside of my body. It is as if I see my body in front of me; my mind commands and my body follows. This is a very special feeling, which I like very much. . . It is a very beautiful feeling
and the only time I experience my personality separate from my body, as two different things."
~ Yiannis Kouros - who could be classified
as a legend in the world of Ultrarunning
That's pretty much where I am at ... running ... unconsiously ... exhausted mentally & physically.
Spiritually ... though ... I am uber-aware. It's been an amazing period of cool things ... answered prayers ... intimate intereaction with my best friend, God, Creator of the Universe ... whenever I find a bit of time to rest ... to relax ...
"Be still, MJ. Take some time for yourself. Spend it with Me. You will be refreshed. I promise." That's what He is whispering ...
ok ... He's doing more than whispering.
Simple things ... are making me cry ... lately. My feelings are so close to the edge right now. I cried in church on Sunday ... and then an hour or so later ... there I was in Kroger ... crying again ... as I found myself hugging a beautiful woman ... that I had never met and didn't know.
It has taken me over a week to write this blog. I have started ... stopped ... been interrupted ... & all the things I wanted to share ... now seem a little too personal ... a little too precious ... to "divide & distribute" ... here ...
And that's so unlike me.
To "divide & distribute" ... that's what "share" means ...as in an "acutal gift" ... I just looked it up. Kinda sorta surprised me.
That's what those pigeons were doing in my dream ... dividing & distributing ... sharing ... their poop ... generously ... with me.
Looked that up, too.
And as always, He had the last laugh ... or maybe it's the first laugh ... too tired to figure that one out ...
(c) June 2011
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