Sitting on the porch ... drinking coffee ... and I realize that I am tired ...
all-the-way-to-the-bone exhausted. It's not really surprising, I guess ... with all of the busyness of the last few months ... still, somehow, it snuck up on me ...
So here I sit ... staring at the four sliding screen doors ... that are either stuck in their runners ... or have fallen completely off-track ... propped up or laying on the ground. A couple of them have been that way since the end of last summer.
And I am thinking ... what is it that I have been doing ... that's so much more important than taking care of these things ... at my house ?!?!
Seriously. Yesterday the front storm door's flapping finally unhinged me! Three minutes ... and a phillips head screw driver ... and I had that puppy handled. No big deal. So why did it take so long for me to take the three minutes ... to put an end to the annoyance ?!?
It's like all that carpet I ripped out last fall ... the upstairs ... has bare naked floors ... plain wood ...
... and I think ... one of these days .. I will get back to that.
And I know I will. When I am ready.
So what's up with that?!?! Why aren't I ready?!?
Maybe it's because this house ... really doesn't feel like home to me. I wish it did ... but it doesn't.
And that's really sad, because the spaces of the house are ideally suited to me... big kitchen ... fireplace ... porch ... living room large enough for the piano ... plenty of room for Jessi ... plenty of room for whoever I want to make plenty of room for ...
It was a fixer-up-er when we bought it ... that was the plan ... fix it up, make it our own ... it was going to be home. That never happened. And now, I know that I need to get on with the fixin' it up so that I can get on with the moving on ...
... with finding my home
It's time ... I know. Still I stall. Out of fear? Uncertainty? I'm not really sure ... I know that as long as I put off doing what needs to be done ... it's impossible for me to make a move ...
This morning, I am thinking ... that maybe I should get those doors back on their tracks ... start focusing on getting ready ... so that whenever what's coming next ... finally reveals itself ... I am not held back ...
Maybe what's coming next is actually being held up ... because of my lack of preparedness ...
Maybe I am impatiently waiting patiently ... for something to happen ... and the only thing standing in the way of me ... and the life I want to be living ... is ME.
My heart knows that change is coming. Actually, change has been banging on the doors for quite some time. Maybe that's how they have all found themselves offtrack ... unhinged ... demanding that I pay attention to the absence ... of doors.
Damaged doors ... forced open ... by the demands of change.
Doors open. People come in. Doors open. People go out.
A fat robin hops through the damp grass ... with big ole worm dangling from it's beak. And my rabbit is frisking about ... I smile.
It occurs to me ... again ... that all of my doors are ... well ... wide open.
www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com
(c) May 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Now, Which WAY Do We Go?
Road maps ... are very cool things. A little archaic ... but still ... very cool.
When you first get one, it's all folded up nice & neat ... pressed flat ... about the size of a rack card. Generally, it's the person riding shotgun who gets the privilege ... the challenge ... of unfolding ... and reading the map.
There's something special about unfolding a map for the very first time. Untucking ... turning ... fanning out the paper ... until it's spread open ... as wide as the dashboard.
And the person in control of the map is rustling it ... crunching it ... trying very hard not to have his hand up under the nose of the driver ... while trying to manipulate the map down to a manageable size ... attempting to locate ... on the map .... where it is you are ... and where EXACTLY you are trying to go.
Generally, at some point, the map is then re-folded haphazardly ... into a square or a rectangle ... that bears no resemblance to the orginal factory-generated fold. It's easier that way. To hide from sight ... all of the other roads ... destinations ... to only look at the littler picture ...
It's less confusing that way.
Upon arrival, the roadmap is then stuffed into the glove compartment unceremoniously ... until the next time directions are needed. Most likely it isn't even unfolded ... from it's new configuration ... because everyone knows that any attempt to refold the map into it's original, pristine shape would prove to be impossible ... so why bother ...
Those were the days. The good ole days. Of roadmaps. And clear directions.
"Now, which way do we go?", Dorothy asked Toto. (Video link) At the crossroads ... of the yellow brick road ... AND ... the yellow brick road. Toto, of course, didn't know ... which way to go.
From high up on the pole, the Scarecrow responds ... "Of course, people DO go both ways" ... and, well, we all know what happens next ...
they follow the yellow brick road.
They didn't have a roadmap. Or any of today's navigational tools ... mapquest, GPS, onstar assistance ...
All they had to rely on was help from the new friends ... who were actually old friends ... they encountered along the way ... and the signs & messages that popped up ... from a variety of sources ... guiding them ...throughout their journey.
Signs & messages are fun. Almost as fun as roadmap folding.
Last week I was in Hot Springs ... exploring some possibilities for future projects ... looking for some signs ... as to what was coming next.
I took a little time to visit with a friend ... that I would love to be working with ... on something. We were sharing about the "which ways" in our lives ... right now ... and ... trying to figure out ... why it was ... that sometimes where we want to go isn't really where we seem to be heading .... or something like that ...
He is placing some dreams ... some goals ... some projects ... on the back burner ... because they don't seem to be making sense ... or falling into place ... at the moment.
... just a little bit of encouragement ... in that area ... would sure go a long way ... to keeping the faith ... that's what he said ... as he was rushing out the door ... with a promise of a little more time the next day ...
So I moseyed on over to see another friend ... an old friend ... whose glue gun has been riding around in the trunk of my car ... for a little over two years. During our visit, a random introduction was made ... me to another visitor in his store ... it's too soon to tell ... but I am pretty sure there wasn't anything random about it ... it was very cool ...
The next morning ... I shared the story over coffee ... and my discouraged friend stared at me wide-eyed ... and said, "Wow! How does something like that happen?" followed by "It's interesting how things like that always happen to you...."
It was a message ... to us both ... of encouragement .... of keeping the faith.
Wandered through the Cracker Barrel gift shop on my way out ... and there was a sign propped up against a counter ... it was a sign, all right ... and a SIGN ....
.
Later in the week ... a group of people that I have become close to over the last year ... reached their defining moment ... of a year's worth of work & effort. You know, that moment when everything that you have done is put to the test ... and you have no way of knowing how things will turn out ... until it's all tallyed up.
Ever had one of those moments?!?!
You know you've done the right thing ... even when it's hard ... you've made the tough choices ... stuck by your morals & values ... taken a beating or two ... wondering if any of it was really worth it ?!?
And then by the closest of margins ... right prevails. And you know in an instant ... that either way ... it would have been ok ... with you ... because character really does count.
There was no celebration. Just back to business as usual. The next day, lunch was brought in ... chicken with garlic sauce ... and a fortune cookie.
Cracked it open ... and there waiting for me was the SECOND best fortune I have ever received in a cookie from a Chinese restaurant ...
A simple message. Just one word. No doubt it was meant for me.
On the way to a picnic yesterday a text exchange took place between me ... and someone that is important me ... but is not really fitting into my life ... not yet.
At times ... I am prompted to send him a word of encouragement ... it's always specific ... even though I have absolutely no idea what's really going on over there in his life ... the prompting is always so strong that I have no choice but to send the message ... even though it feels silly ... foolish ... awkward ...
So, obediently, I said what I was prompted to say. It took a little while ... but eventually he responded.
He: Thank u !
Stunned. And amazed. I was.
All week I have been pondering on the signs & messages ... the now-which-way-do-we-go's ... and out-of-the-blue ... someone says ... to ME ...
"thanks for the messages!"
It was a humbling ... and an encouragement ... all wrapped up in 10 characters or less ...
Later in the afternoon ... I stood in a circle ... holding hands with two of the most important people in my life ... in a beautiful place ... surrounded by virtual strangers ... and we all prayed ... together ... outloud ...
Our Father
Knowing full well that 6 p.m. was going to roll around ... and even though it was May 21, 2011 ... we were ALL going to be "left behind" ....
We were "raptured" ... nonetheless ...
That's right. We were. Looked it up. Just to be sure. Either definition works for me.
The Bible is full of stories where God says He's going to do something ... and then when He does exactly what He said He was going to do ... it doesn't look anything at all like what the people of the day thought it was going to look like ...
So even though I know that the Bible clearly states that no man will know the day or the hour of Christ's return ... who's to say ... that RAPTURE isn't already taking place ...
... and just not visible ... to our human eyes ...
Rounding out this amazing week ... Iit seems that the little bear has been talking outloud again. (Read the story, Bear Hugs) This time ... he wasn't talking to me. Still, it's hard to dispute the message ....
I love you THIS much!
Fourteen times in an hour. That's what was reported to me.
He's been sitting there on the shelf ... in that room ... for months ... waiting for exactly the right time ... to offer up his hope & encouragement.
One thing's for certain ... He's persistent. When He is pursuing a relationship with you ... a relationship that will allow you to have your whole heart back.
Open your heart ... Hear His voice ... He's talking to you ... it's personal ... once you begin to hear His voice nothing in your life will ever be the same ... again.
How many times do you have to be told you are LOVED before you get it ... before you allow yourself to feel it ?!? If fourteen times isn't enough ... I am pretty sure that the message will come around again ... when you least expect it ... when you need it the most.
Now which WAY do we go?
Doesn't really matter if we have a roadmap ... or a GPS ... or compass ... as long as we listen with our hearts ... as long we are paying attention to the signs & messages along the way ... as long as we are willing to walk awhile with others who share our road ... as long as we hold hands with friends, old & new, as we pray for direction ...
Just follow the yellow brick road ... it's the road that leads to nowhere ... it's the road that leads you home ... doesn't matter which WAY ... really ... it doesn't ... because every road takes you to where it is you are going ... eventually.
When you first get one, it's all folded up nice & neat ... pressed flat ... about the size of a rack card. Generally, it's the person riding shotgun who gets the privilege ... the challenge ... of unfolding ... and reading the map.
There's something special about unfolding a map for the very first time. Untucking ... turning ... fanning out the paper ... until it's spread open ... as wide as the dashboard.
And the person in control of the map is rustling it ... crunching it ... trying very hard not to have his hand up under the nose of the driver ... while trying to manipulate the map down to a manageable size ... attempting to locate ... on the map .... where it is you are ... and where EXACTLY you are trying to go.
Generally, at some point, the map is then re-folded haphazardly ... into a square or a rectangle ... that bears no resemblance to the orginal factory-generated fold. It's easier that way. To hide from sight ... all of the other roads ... destinations ... to only look at the littler picture ...
It's less confusing that way.
Upon arrival, the roadmap is then stuffed into the glove compartment unceremoniously ... until the next time directions are needed. Most likely it isn't even unfolded ... from it's new configuration ... because everyone knows that any attempt to refold the map into it's original, pristine shape would prove to be impossible ... so why bother ...
Those were the days. The good ole days. Of roadmaps. And clear directions.
"Now, which way do we go?", Dorothy asked Toto. (Video link) At the crossroads ... of the yellow brick road ... AND ... the yellow brick road. Toto, of course, didn't know ... which way to go.
they follow the yellow brick road.
They didn't have a roadmap. Or any of today's navigational tools ... mapquest, GPS, onstar assistance ...
All they had to rely on was help from the new friends ... who were actually old friends ... they encountered along the way ... and the signs & messages that popped up ... from a variety of sources ... guiding them ...throughout their journey.
Signs & messages are fun. Almost as fun as roadmap folding.
Last week I was in Hot Springs ... exploring some possibilities for future projects ... looking for some signs ... as to what was coming next.
I took a little time to visit with a friend ... that I would love to be working with ... on something. We were sharing about the "which ways" in our lives ... right now ... and ... trying to figure out ... why it was ... that sometimes where we want to go isn't really where we seem to be heading .... or something like that ...
He is placing some dreams ... some goals ... some projects ... on the back burner ... because they don't seem to be making sense ... or falling into place ... at the moment.
... just a little bit of encouragement ... in that area ... would sure go a long way ... to keeping the faith ... that's what he said ... as he was rushing out the door ... with a promise of a little more time the next day ...
So I moseyed on over to see another friend ... an old friend ... whose glue gun has been riding around in the trunk of my car ... for a little over two years. During our visit, a random introduction was made ... me to another visitor in his store ... it's too soon to tell ... but I am pretty sure there wasn't anything random about it ... it was very cool ...
The next morning ... I shared the story over coffee ... and my discouraged friend stared at me wide-eyed ... and said, "Wow! How does something like that happen?" followed by "It's interesting how things like that always happen to you...."
It was a message ... to us both ... of encouragement .... of keeping the faith.
Wandered through the Cracker Barrel gift shop on my way out ... and there was a sign propped up against a counter ... it was a sign, all right ... and a SIGN ....
I didn't purchase it ... because it was a little pricey ... for words painted on a board ... figure I will make one of my own ... one of these days ...
Still, the message wasn't lost on me!
Still, the message wasn't lost on me!
Later in the week ... a group of people that I have become close to over the last year ... reached their defining moment ... of a year's worth of work & effort. You know, that moment when everything that you have done is put to the test ... and you have no way of knowing how things will turn out ... until it's all tallyed up.
Ever had one of those moments?!?!
You know you've done the right thing ... even when it's hard ... you've made the tough choices ... stuck by your morals & values ... taken a beating or two ... wondering if any of it was really worth it ?!?
And then by the closest of margins ... right prevails. And you know in an instant ... that either way ... it would have been ok ... with you ... because character really does count.
There was no celebration. Just back to business as usual. The next day, lunch was brought in ... chicken with garlic sauce ... and a fortune cookie.
Cracked it open ... and there waiting for me was the SECOND best fortune I have ever received in a cookie from a Chinese restaurant ...
Hallelujah!
A simple message. Just one word. No doubt it was meant for me.
On the way to a picnic yesterday a text exchange took place between me ... and someone that is important me ... but is not really fitting into my life ... not yet.
At times ... I am prompted to send him a word of encouragement ... it's always specific ... even though I have absolutely no idea what's really going on over there in his life ... the prompting is always so strong that I have no choice but to send the message ... even though it feels silly ... foolish ... awkward ...
So, obediently, I said what I was prompted to say. It took a little while ... but eventually he responded.
He: Thank u !
Me: For ???
He: Msg's.
Stunned. And amazed. I was.
All week I have been pondering on the signs & messages ... the now-which-way-do-we-go's ... and out-of-the-blue ... someone says ... to ME ...
"thanks for the messages!"
It was a humbling ... and an encouragement ... all wrapped up in 10 characters or less ...
Later in the afternoon ... I stood in a circle ... holding hands with two of the most important people in my life ... in a beautiful place ... surrounded by virtual strangers ... and we all prayed ... together ... outloud ...
Our Father
Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Thy name ...
Knowing full well that 6 p.m. was going to roll around ... and even though it was May 21, 2011 ... we were ALL going to be "left behind" ....
We were "raptured" ... nonetheless ...
That's right. We were. Looked it up. Just to be sure. Either definition works for me.
rapture:
a: a state or experience of being carried away by overwhelming emotion
b: a mystical experience in which the spirit is exalted to a knowledge of divine things
The Bible is full of stories where God says He's going to do something ... and then when He does exactly what He said He was going to do ... it doesn't look anything at all like what the people of the day thought it was going to look like ...
So even though I know that the Bible clearly states that no man will know the day or the hour of Christ's return ... who's to say ... that RAPTURE isn't already taking place ...
... and just not visible ... to our human eyes ...
... maybe it's taking place in our hearts ... right now ...
... it's our souls, after all ... that He's after ... not our physical bodies.
... it's our souls, after all ... that He's after ... not our physical bodies.
Rounding out this amazing week ... Iit seems that the little bear has been talking outloud again. (Read the story, Bear Hugs) This time ... he wasn't talking to me. Still, it's hard to dispute the message ....
I love you THIS much!
Fourteen times in an hour. That's what was reported to me.
He's been sitting there on the shelf ... in that room ... for months ... waiting for exactly the right time ... to offer up his hope & encouragement.
One thing's for certain ... He's persistent. When He is pursuing a relationship with you ... a relationship that will allow you to have your whole heart back.
Open your heart ... Hear His voice ... He's talking to you ... it's personal ... once you begin to hear His voice nothing in your life will ever be the same ... again.
How many times do you have to be told you are LOVED before you get it ... before you allow yourself to feel it ?!? If fourteen times isn't enough ... I am pretty sure that the message will come around again ... when you least expect it ... when you need it the most.
Now which WAY do we go?
Doesn't really matter if we have a roadmap ... or a GPS ... or compass ... as long as we listen with our hearts ... as long we are paying attention to the signs & messages along the way ... as long as we are willing to walk awhile with others who share our road ... as long as we hold hands with friends, old & new, as we pray for direction ...
Just follow the yellow brick road ... it's the road that leads to nowhere ... it's the road that leads you home ... doesn't matter which WAY ... really ... it doesn't ... because every road takes you to where it is you are going ... eventually.
I love you THIS much!
It's a way of life ...
Hallelujah!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Floodwaters ...
God willing ... and the creek don't rise ...
That was one of my dad's favorite phrases. And it has been running through my head ever since the rains began a month ago.
I know that it means with good luck ... and no major problems ... there will be success in whatever is undertaken. It is definitely a postive statement of hope & encouragement.
Offering up encouragement. That's been the theme of my life lately.
But the creek ... it has been rising. Inevitablely.
With only a little warning ... the rains came. And when that much rain comes down ... in torrents ... you have unusual consequences.
Flash flooding is the most immediate. It comes quickly and recedes slowly.
More serious, though, is the creek-rising type of flooding. It occurs when runoff from sustained rainfall exceeds the capacity of the rivers, streams, or other bodies of flowing water.
My experience with traditional flooding is that it always catches you by surprise. The storm has passed. The sun is shining. And you are thanking your lucky stars that somehow you were spared ... this time.
And then, out-of-the-blue ... that dad-gum creek ...it's a-rising!
It comes slowly ... and lingers ... and lingers.
Even if you live close to the water ... the rising water ... creeping slowly ... then suddenly rushing in and washing away .your life as you know it ... it always comes as a surprise.
There has been a lot of discussion about the rain. References to the 40 days and 40 nights ... Noah ... and such. It was interesting to me how many of my informed & enlightened friends posted comments on their status' that said things like .... "Guess maybe I should build an ark" ... in response to the rain.
Seriously. Didn't they know that building an ark after the rain was falling ... was an effort in futility?!?! Best guess ... is that it took Noah something like 50-75 years to build the Ark !!
And remember ... God gave him explicit instructions ... to build a BOAT ... way in advance ... to sustain his family & the animals ... during a flood ... in a time when NO RAIN had ever fallen.
Think about it. God says build a boat because I am going to wash away the wickedness in the world with floodwaters.
Noah: Floodwaters?!?!
God: Yes. It's going to rain.
Noah: What is rain?
God: Wait & see. Do you trust Me?
Noah: Yes. Lord. Use me.
... knowing full well that he didn't have a clue what rain was or what God was planning to do.
Damage ... devastation ... troubles ... that's what most of us associate with flooding. People that have been victims of flooding ... pretty much lose everything ... then start over ... with nothing ... and life is never really the same ... ever ... again.
One common fatal mistake people make is driving through flood waters. Did you know that 66% of all flood-related deaths are caused by that one
head-strong, stubborn navigational error ?!?
It's true during the natural disaster that is flooding.
It's true in the emotional disasters of life.
Many of my friends are besieged by flood waters. Not the ones caused by the recent storms. That's a blessing, for sure.
It's the creek-of- life-rising that's overtaking my friends. And, you guessed it, they think they are still in control ... somehow ... insisting on driving through the flowing water.
Guess they don't realize that just 6 inches of rapidly moving floodwater can knock a person down ... a mere 2 feet of water can float a large vehicle even a bus. Honest. It's true. One-third of flooded roads and bridges are so damaged by water that any vehicle trying to cross stands only a 50% chance of making it to the other side.
A 50/50 chance. Not the best odds, I'm thinking. Unless you're feeling extremely lucky.
Lucky. That's how I was feeling on Friday. It was Friday the 13th. And I felt ... lucky. All day. It was a sense of well being ... security ... a knowing that all was right in my world. Of course, feeling lucky caused me to be a little bit expectant ... you know ... like something good was going to happen ... without warning.
And right on cue. Something DID happen ... or maybe it simply revealed itself ... a delayed reaction ... in response to all of the rain ...
And since then ... I've spent quite a bit of time ... moving the pieces around ... pondering ... seeing what fits ... what doesn't ... wondering ... how much room is there in my Ark ...
Actually ... the ME in me ... is still puzzling over ... where the lucky is hiding ... at the end of the day ...
This morning, I had a serious talk with my best friend, God, Creator of the Universe. It wasn't feeling like one of those humorous moments ... when God, greatly amused by me, was going to be ... laughing uproariously.
MJ -- Used. That's how I'm feeling.
God -- Imagine that, MJ. You feel USED ?!?!
MJ -- It sucks to feel USED.
God -- Isn't that what you asked for ?!!? Seriously, MaryJane.
It's an answered prayer !!!
MJ -- Whatever, God. I would never pray for that ...
God --- Hmmmm ... Didn't you say "Take my life, Lord. USE me" ?!?!
MJ -- Well, yeah ... but that's different.
God --- Nope. It's not. Did you really & truly think that I could USE you ...
without you ever feeling USED?!?
Ba da bing. And then ... He laughed ... out loud ... uproariously.
I love rainbows. I collect pictures of them. Friends often send me pictures of the cool rainbows they encounter. I know the biblical meaning of rainbows. And I know that rainbows have always shown up at times when I needed a word of encouragement ... personally ... from God.
All during the rains ... the storms ... the rising waters ... of the last few weeks ... the last few months ... I have been waiting for a rainbow.
 |
| Dump Truck Pot O' Gold by Laura Criner - 2010 |
As much rain as has fallen ... you would have thought there would have been tons of pictures of rainbow sightings ... everywhere.
Haven't seen one ... recently. Not myself ... for real ... or in a picture taken by anyone else.
Kinda makes things feel a little hopeless ... a little futile ...
Last nite I dreamed about a rainbow. I'm pretty sure ... I've never .... dreamed about a rainbow ... before.Naturally, my curiousity kicked in. So I googled "dreamed about a rainbow" & here's what I found out:
... and there it is ... the answer I have been seeking ... to all of my questions ...
Simple as that.
Simple as that.
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