Bear Hugs....

It was the second week of the shoot of STEP AWAY FROM THE STONE... 

Things were going well & we were establishing a routine on location at the Conway Regional Hospital that involved late nites & early mornings...which meant not a lot of sleep for anyone.

My friend, Mary Hall, had arrived the week before---on Valentine's Day to be exact---to help with the movie. 

Actually, that was just the excuse I used to get her here.....there were OTHER reasons....let's just say I promised her fun, excitement, adventure...& even if she didn't know it, I knew that her life was going to be touched in ways she couldn't imagine...& that she would never be the same after the experience.

I was counting on the same thing to happen to me...

She arrived on Sunday, we began shooting on Monday...and my den looked like a war-zone...a stock room...a junk pile for the next six weeks! 

There were old things from the 70s that I drug down out of the attic during week one piled up in one place...boxes of paper plates, supplies, snacks were shuffled in-and-out every evening/every morning....clean clothes...dirty clothes...ok, there were just clothes everywhere for the entire 6 weeks...

...and let's not forget that Jessi was living in the den, too...the entire time.

During the shoot, pretty much all of the days were running together...& it's hard to remember what happened in what order...but it was definitely the second week...when it was decided that a teddy bear might be the PERFECT prop for one particular scene....

So I trekked back to the attic and found the humongous plastic bag full of Abbi's favorites for choices.  In the bag were a wide gamut of  "friends" beginning with BUNCHES --- the bear that Grami's circle of closest friends (The Wild Bunch) brought to the hospital the day she was born to the very last critter given to her by her high school friends...there was even a Gorilla that was big hit with some of the cast & extras as we spent hours entertaining ourselves between scenes.

Took the bag...the selection was made...brought the bag home...it was dropped on the floor between the kitchen & den where it sat until last weekend when I finally regained control of my house!

Days later...or maybe it was nites...all I know for sure is that it was around 3 a.m. when we limped in from a long day on the set...it seemed like minutes later it was 5 a.m. & Jessi was up fixing breakfast...planning her day. 

I was too tired to think about much but we spent a couple of hours catching up before she headed out the door for work.

Figured it was almost 8 a.m. so why not stay awake & listen to my friend's radio show at 9 before taking a  little nap before I had to start getting ready for the night ahead.

I love you THIS much!

Mary Hall was asleep in the bedroom...so I just left her there when the sweet little message filled the air. 

I love you THIS much!

There it was again...I wondered how she managed to get her precious granddaughter to say that & then turn it into the ringtone...no matter...I knew that she was going to be very happy to wake up to a message from North Carolina...

All through the morning...at random intervals...came the Alert...the message...eventually I went to take my nap...and sometime later Mary Hall got up...it was a little after noon when we were both finally together in the den.

I love you THIS much!

There it was again.  So I told her how much I loved her ringtone...how sweet it was...& that I wanted her to "send" it to me so I could have it on my phone, too!  I love ringtones!

She looked at me like I had TWO HEADS.  Seriously.  Sleep deprivation does that to friends...trust me on this one!

I love you THIS much!

Apparently she wasn't finding it "precious"...like me...because...

She said, That's NOT my phone!  It's some magnet or something on your refrigerator...

Now that was funny...actually it was hilarious! 

I don't have ANY magnets on my refrigerator that "say things"!

The entire time we were having this dialogue...the voice just kept repeating it's message...

...IloveyouTHISmuch...IloveyouTHISmuch...IloveyouTHISmuch...IloveyouTHISmuch...

The hunt was on.   We were determined to find WHERE it was coming from...& who was insistently telling us that we were loved...

...and there it was...in the middle of the floor...the bag of stuffed toys...of course...it was a talking bear...

So Mary Hall dived in...and she came up with a cute little bear...it was white with a red heart on its chest..when you pulled its arms apart...it boldly proclaimed:

I love you THIS much!

Funny.  Ha ha.  You had to PULL the arms apart in order for it to talk to you...yet it had been talking to ME all morning...untouched...without any manipulation...provocation...or encouragement from anyone!

Mystery solved.  We laughed.  It was funny...and one of those little stories that we would share from this time together.

The bear went back in bag...and we went about our day.

Now here's the very cool part...randomly for the next four weeks...the cute little bear would talk to me...early in the morning...late at nite...mid-afternoon...there was really no rhyme or reason to it's timing...sometimes it would just blurt out...

I love you THIS much!

Surely it was a short in the wiring...or a battery going dead...a coincidence...

Yeah, right.  Everyone knows how I feel about coincidences...

Everytime the little bear talked...it reminded me of my dad.  He died 25 years ago. 

As a child though, that was always one of our favorite games.  He would say, "How much do you love me?" and spread his arms wide...and then we would all laugh & giggle as we replied, "I love you THIS much!"

I remember one of my brothers giving him one of those little statue things of a pot-bellied man with his arms spread wide and inscribed on the base was the "I love you THIS much!" message...it sat on his bedside table for as long as I can remember...wonder what ever happened to it?!?

...and there's a country song with that title...I looked it up and it made me cry: 


Mary Hall decided to stay home from the set one day...it was towards the end of the shoot...she had papers due and a mid-term exam to study for...and she needed peace, quiet, and no distractions.  I guess it worked because she got 140 out of 100 on her exam!

So she was home all day...alone...because it was after Pete had left us, too.  I arrived just in time for dinner.  I walked in the door full of stories about my day...ready for Jessi's stories about her day...

No sooner did I enter the den came the warm greeting:

I love you THIS much!

Stunned we all turned to look at the bag of toys.  No one was near it.  The bear was buried under two or three others.  It hadn't been touched, nudged, or acknowledged...it was simply waiting for my arrival...I guess...

Mary Hall said, Wow!  It hasn't done that all day!  That's the first time!

Several times throughout the evening, the cute little bear shared it's message...outloud. 

Then as the days turned into nights for the rest of the shoot...the cute little bear continued to chime in from time-to-time...it was always for me...Jessi & Mary Hall heard it...but it was always for me...

One day Mary Hall decided that it wasn't fair...that she wasn't getting the "love" from the cute little bear.  So she decided to embrace my fuzzy hedgehog that holds the heart that says "KISS ME"...

It sits on the shelf with the cookbooks.  She disappointedly reported that she squeezed the hedgehog...heck, she even kissed it...and it never said a word!

Which is not to say that Mary Hall didn't get her share of the "love" while she was here...hers came from a wide variety of sources...awesome new friends...affirmations of  lost pieces of herself...a healing in her heart where God was touching so many of her broken & bruised spots...

Sometime during the cute little bear's LOVEFEST...I asked Abbi where it came from in the first place.  She really couldn't remember it... but since it "talked" we decided it must have been one of the last Valentine's gifts from Aunt Julia...

...who always loved me THIS much...

...and much, much more...

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com

Robes....

Still sorting through a whole lot of cool and not-so-cool things that happened during the movie shoot...for me, there was a lot of life crammed into those 5 weeks...

There's plenty of stories to blog about and I pretty much had in mind where I wanted to start with those stories...but somehow I keep getting distracted....

Like today...it somehow is impossible for me to NOT tell this story now...for some compelling reason...initially, I simply emailed it to the friend who put me on the trail to the robes...once I gave him the raw version, it made sense to come on over here...& clean it up for the blog version...

So here's the story...

It's about the robes. We needed robes for a scene in STEP AWAY FROM THE STONE...preferably black robes....with hoods....five or six of them...

So I contacted a friend with some theatre connections to see if he had any ideas on where I should start to look...

It was the last week of the shoot...the robes were for the last scene to be shot...

The days all were running together. It was Tuesday when I received the call from my cousin's wife telling me that his brother, also my cousin, had been found dead in his bathtub in Denver. He had been sitting there in the tepid water for several days with his drink precariously balanced on the ledge. Sad ending to a sad life.....

...and to be honest, I felt nothing. I had stopped feeling anything about any of it after my Aunt Julia (their mother) died in the fall....the horrific display of disrespect, greed & arrogance that followed pretty much left me cold & empty....and sad that there was really nothing much left of my father and my family heritage that felt special.

It was funny. He sent me two names. They were both variations of "debbie"...one with matching brown robes...one with mismatched black robes...

Naturally,  I went for the black....mismatched....option. So I called & arranged to come by her place...which was actually her home.

It was an older house in an older neighborhood. Stray...but lovely....cats wandered on & off the porch... there was some interesting yard things hanging & sitting around. As I rang the bell, I think I said something like "interesting place" to Mary Hall.

The door was thrown open by a delightful, grey haired woman....her hair was knotted on the back of her head....she efficiently invited us into the front hall then proceeed to lead us into the front room on the right....she talked pretty much non-stop from the moment the door opened until we left...pausing only seconds for a response when she asked a question....which actually was a good thing....because even though you probably find this hard to believe....I was pretty much overwhelmed & speechless from the first step into the front room on the right.

Racks and racks were crammed into the room. There was barely enough room to squeeze inbetween them. All loaded with pieces...clothes....accessories...*sigh*

....and in some cases...real live-honest-to-God costumes....

Not the kind that you kinda sorta throw together....not just old clothes that represent a past era....but things that had been carefully constructed, designed, sewn....works of art that will only be threads of the tapestry of a story somewhere....

....time stopped....

....it was as if I was 7 years old....and once again visiting my grandmother, Abbie...at her home in downtown Little Rock...it was a big old house with a porch that wrapped around 2/3 of the house....when you walked into the front door (which we seldom did...we always entered through the only uncluttered room in the house which was the kitchen)....you were immediately surrounded by racks & racks of gauze....tulle...sequins....satin....suits....dresses....gowns....robes....

COSTUMES....

...you see, my grandfather died while Abbie was carrying my father....and there were three other children before him....so she had no choice in the early 30's but to leave the children with her parents during the week...on the homestead...the family farm....while she went into the CITY to earn a living....

...a single working mom....she had no skills except for her needle...a love for beautiful things....& a flair that was all her own...

...so Abbie was a COSTUMER to the society mavens of Little Rock....

I numbly followed our hostess from room to room as she chattered away about the clothes...the costumes...the shows she was wardrobing...where the things came from....each room of her house except for the kitchen/den was filled with racks....and racks....and racks....

That's all I really remember about my grandmother, Abbie....was that house....filled with magic....and fantasy.....and a happily-ever-after that she never experienced again after her man died so young....not only were there costumes on the racks....others were always in progress on one of the dozens of sewing machines scattered throughout her house....and the most exquisite wedding gowns...handsewn...hand beaded....commissioned by the belles of society throughout all of Arkansas....maybe even the South....

...to me, at age seven, my grandmother was obviously a FAIRY GODMOTHER....all she needed was a wand....

She died when I was nine. Quickly, everything was sold & disposed of....no thought was given to heritage or memories or traditions....not a single grandchild came away with any handsewn item...not even a costume for some future Halloween.....

Today all I have from Abbie's costume shop are a roll of discolored Oriental silk that Aunt Julia brought her once from Japan when her husband was stationed there...a box of old buttons and mismatched sequins....and some cool little decortaive doo-dads that like like miniature fairy wings....those always make me smile....the fairy wing things...

By the time we got back to the front room with the mismatched robes...that she pulled from several different racks in several different rooms...she knew exactly where each one was hanging...it was cool....my face was wet with tears....

I said, "You have no idea how much coming to your house has meant to me....my grandmother had a costume shop....she was THE COSTUMER of Little Rock until she closed up shop sometime in the '60s."

 She just smiled ... and she looked exactly how I remembered Abbie looking....

It was special....it's part of who I am...no one can take that away from me...no matter how hard they try to pretend that there is no family...or heritage...or anything worthwhile to be found there....

When we returned the robes on Friday, we entered the same front room. It was still cool but I was prepared this time....yeah....right....

Hanging on the end of the rack was a dress....it was grey & white pinstriped with huge white collar with lace trim....all I could see was the back...it looked vaguely familiar...

Once again she was talking up a storm....asking how the robes worked...about the movie....again Mary Hall was fielding the questions because I was "somewhere else" ....

I picked up the dress and turned it around to see the front....it really wasn't special or particularly beautiful....just tasteful and elegant....simple...

It was a designer dress....label still in tact....from the early 70s...I commented on that...and she said yes but it's timeless and works well in shows set from the 20s forward....

I teared up again...I said it was pretty much one-of-a-kind...and she said that's quite possible based on the label ...and she added that she really had no idea how it came into her "collection"....

...I placed the dress back on the rack....it was my mother's dress...she wore it many times....when it was necessary for her to accompany my father to some function here or there that was more "professional" than "formal"....

My mother, Carolyn, wore that dress when she went to events with my father, Jerry, who was Abbie's son.  Most likely it was an extravagant thing at the time.  Party dresses weren't really a part of her wardrobe. Not even a classic practical one like this one...

And now, somehow, this one...the one that I remember so vividly....found it's way onto that rack....so that I would find it...so that I would be reminded of all of the beautiful, special things that are a part of me because I was their daughter...and he was Abbie's son...

Amazing....it was absolutely amazing....

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com

A Gift...

He said:  "You are the greatest hero of my life"
I said:  "I've never done anything HERO-worthy in either of our entire lives"
He said - "Yeah you do.  You always love me."
I said - "I do love you.  That doesn't make me a hero."
He said - "It does to me....so hang up now."

I said, "Happy Birthday! I love you!"

...and then I hung up knowing that I was just given THE GIFT today....even though it was his birthday...

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com

Coffee....

Why is it that just when you think things are starting to come together....good things are happening....and maybe, just maybe, it's finally going to be your turn for some fun, some happiness....possibly even something unexpected....

...that the rest of the world aligns itself to present a continual stream of obstacles....hurdles....and down-right stupid stuff to deal with?!?!

Take this morning.  It's Saturday.  Not just any Saturday......it's a Saturday that I have been looking forward to for several weeks....a little tentatively, I admit...but it's been a long time since I really have had anything to look forward to...so the anticipation has been healthy & interesting...

Woke up to sun instead of rain.  So far so good.  Then the first message of the morning popped up on my phone.  It was a conversation that was definitely going to require coffee. 

Then I remembered....we have NO coffee in the house.

No problem.  The store is just a couple of blocks away.  I refuse to be brought down by the early morning trip to the corner.  It was necessary. 

It's a local family-owned store so there are often interesting "finds" there...especially first thing in the morning....so I picked up the coffee and a couple of containers of yummy homemade broccoli soup from the deli for later....and headed to the check out.

A friendly, smiling young woman was was waiting for me there.  A little too cheery this early in the morning...BEFORE my coffee...I was thinking. 

But she quickly engaged me in a conversation that was so warm & hopeful that I couldn't help but smile with her.  She shared with me about something new she was getting involved in....and the need for the community to get behind the program and support it.  Her enthusiasm was contagious....

Now mind you...this was not a young woman that I knew at all...she didn't even know me as "Abbi's mom"...we were total strangers....so I got in the car thinking....ok, that was cool...nothing is going to ROB me of the good feelings of today....

Yeah!

Back at the house I quickly discoverd that the dispenser switch on my coffee maker has finally worn out.  Not surprising considering its age.... and the fact that it dispenses anywhere from 10 to 50 cups a day....depending on the season & who is in the house with me.

It's a cool coffee maker....you pour the water in and then as it brews the coffee doesn't drip into a pot...it's held inside and then you push your cup against the dispenser lever to fill it.  So the coffee stays HOT and the pot never sits on the burner too long resulting in that "burnt" condition that is so bitter.

So the dispenser switch is worn out.  *sigh*

Really no big deal.....except that I didn't want to have to get dressed & drive across town to buy a new one BEFORE I had some coffee....

...and besides, I had a friend sitting on "hold" waiting for me to respond to their early morning message "as soon as I got some coffee".....

I tried to fix the switch that opens & closes the little port that the coffee flows from....no such luck.  Then I saw that there were two little screws that held a piece over the "inside" part so I figured if I took that off I could actually see whether something plastic was broken or if it was somehow jammed or clogged. 

So I went and got my screwdriver thingy....the one that has interchangeable tips....flat head...phillips...a couple of different sizes...that pop in and out of the handle depending on the job.   Flipped the coffee pot over and found that I was confronted with two tiny screws that were NEITHER plain (flathead material) or designed for the Phillips head. 

Seriously.  That's when I started loosing it.  When I pour the coffee in the container it immedately starts brewing and dispensing itself because the switch is stuck open.  And I can't unscrew the little plastic plate to get inside because it has tiny, ALIEN screws.

Of course, by now, Jessi is trying to help me out.   She really DID try....I probably shouldn't have snapped at her when she brought me a DIRTY towel....but I did.  

She'll forgive me though.  She always does.

Finally I decided that I would MAKE the dag-gum pot of coffee and just stand there with as many cups as it took to catch it all as it came running out.....

It was actually quite amusing....even though I found myself very tense and unamused....

Then I glanced outside and saw that the sun was still shining....it wasn't raining....and I remembered that it WAS Saturday....

....and I decided that I simply wasn't going to allow anything....not the unhappiness that creeps in & out of all of our lives....not the leaky coffee pot...not even the rain if it decides to show up later...to mess it up for me...

Got my coffee...finally....did my best to help my friend sort through an awful situation...

Now bring on the rest of the day...it's going to be great...

I just know it!

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com

On Coincidences....

Life is been out-of-control since we started shooting the movie, STEP AWAY FROM THE STONE, a month or so ago.....I have lots of cool stuff I want to blog about....even have some notes jotted down so I don't forget the messages & life lessons that have been all over this time for me....but I get in late...I get up early....and most of the time I have been too tired to think....

So today I am simply going to share something that was in my inbox...and everyone who knows me knows I don't believe in coincidences...this quote about coincidences popped up last week on a friend's facebook status...then again this morning...so I have no choice but to share...

A coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.......

The SPARROW at STARBUCKS

The song that silenced the cappuccino machine. It was chilly in Manhattan but warm inside the Starbucks shop on 51st Street and Broadway, just a skip up from Times Square . Early November weather in New York City holds only the slightest hint of the bitter chill of late December and January, but it's enough to send the masses crowding indoors to vie for available space and warmth. For a musician, it's the most lucrative Starbucks location in the world, I'm told, and consequently, the tips can be substantial if you play your tunes right. Apparently, we were striking all the right chords that night, because our basket was almost overflowing. It was a fun, low-pressure gig - I was playing keyboard and singing backup for my friend who also added rhythm with an arsenal of percussion instruments. We mostly did pop songs from the '40s to the '90s with a few original tunes thrown in. During our emotional rendition of the classic, "If You Don't Know Me by Now," I noticed a lady sitting in one of the lounge chairs across from me. She was swaying to the beat and singing along. After the tune was over, she approached me. "I apologize for singing along on that song. Did it bother you?" she asked. "No," I replied. "We love it when the audience joins in. Would you like to sing up front on the next selection?" To my delight, she accepted my invitation. "You choose," I said. "What are you in the mood to sing?" "Well. ... do you know any hymns?"

Hymns? This woman didn't know who she was dealing with. I cut my teeth on hymns. Before I was even born, I was going to church. I gave our guest singer a knowing look. "Name one." "Oh, I don't know. There are so many good ones. You pick one." "Okay," I replied. "How about 'His Eye is on the Sparrow'?" My new friend was silent, her eyes averted. Then she fixed her eyes on mine again and said, "Yeah. Let's do that one." She slowly nodded her head, put down her purse, straightened her jacket and faced the center of the shop. With my two-bar setup, she began to sing.

Why should I be discouraged?

Why should the shadows come?

The audience of coffee drinkers was transfixed. Even the gurgling noises of the cappuccino machine ceased as the employees stopped what they were doing to listen. The song rose to its conclusion.

I sing because I'm happy;

I sing because I'm free.

For His eye is on the sparrow

And I know He watches me.

When the last note was sung, the applause crescendoed to a deafening roar that would have rivaled a sold-out crowd at Carnegie Hall. Embarrassed, the woman tried to shout over the din, "Oh, y'all go back to your coffee! I didn't come in here to do a concert! I just came in here to get somethin' to drink, just like you!" But the ovation continued.. I embraced my new friend. "You, my dear, have made my whole year! That was beautiful!" "Well, it's funny that you picked that particular hymn," she said. "Why is that?" "Well . .." she hesitated again, "that was my daughter's favorite song." "Really!" I exclaimed. "Yes," she said, and then grabbed my hands. By this time, the applause had subsided and it was business as usual.. "She was 16. She died of a brain tumor last week." I said the first thing that found its way through my stunned silence. "Are you going to be okay?" She smiled through tear-filled eyes and squeezed my hands. "I'm gonna be okay. I've just got to keep trusting the Lord and singing his songs, and everything's gonna be just fine." She picked up her bag, gave me her card, and then she was gone.

Was it just a coincidence that we happened to be singing in that particular coffee shop on that particular November night? Coincidence that this wonderful lady just happened to walk into that particular shop? Coincidence that of all the hymns to choose from, I just happened to pick the very hymn that was the favorite of her daughter, who had died just the week before? I refuse to believe it. God has been arranging encounters in human history since the beginning of time, and it's no stretch for me to imagine that he could reach into a coffee shop in midtown Manhattan and turn an ordinary gig into a revival. It was a great reminder that if we keep trusting him and singing his songs, everything's gonna be okay.

The next time you feel like GOD can't use YOU, just remember...

Noah was a drunk

Abraham was too old

Isaac was a daydreamer

Jacob was a liar

Leah was ugly

Joseph was abused

Moses had a stuttering problem

Gideon was afraid

Sampson had long hair and was a womanizer

Rahab was a prostitute

Jeremiah and Timothy were too young

David had an affair and was a murderer

Elijah was suicidal

Isaiah preached naked

Jonah ran from God

Naomi was a widow

Job went bankrupt

John the Baptist ate bugs

Peter denied Christ

The Disciples fell asleep while praying

Martha worried about everything

The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once

Zaccheus was too small

Paul was too religious

Timothy had an ulcer...AND

Lazarus was dead!

No more excuses now!! God can use you to your full potential. Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger. God bless you and those you are loving and thinking of. God has placed them on your heart for a reason!



Author: John Thomas Oaks

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com