It was mid-morning....this morning. The rain that came in the middle of the nite had stopped. The sun wasn't really shining.....cloudy....overcast....a great day for overthinking....
I had been struggling with that all morning. The overthinking thing. I knew if I stayed busy I could stay one step ahead of that place I really didn't want to go....the one that was beckoning me....teasing me....
The voices. C'mon, MJ. Sit down in the mud....let's make some mudpies....you KNOW you like it here....
NOT!
My TO DO list is long....lots of good stuff happening this week....lots of activity to be found there....get moving....that's what I told myself....
Still...it was easy to sit .....staring mindlessly out the window....just one more cup of coffee....then I will get with it....get busy....
A beautiful bird was moseying around the edge of the patio. And then I saw it....poised in anticipation....ears up in an alert position....smack dab in the center of the backyard.....
A brown rabbit with a perfect white tail.
After a few minutes of total stillness....he hopped around as if he had a purpose....but honestly, I couldn't see any rhyme or reason to his frolic. And I thought....
Hmmm.....I have NEVER seen a rabbit in our back yard....not here.....
I sipped my coffee....I smiled.....then I chuckled a bit at what Pete the Mighty Dog would have thought of that....he would have been all over it....no doubt....
And then I thought....wonder if Pete was friends with that rabbit? What if that's what all of the pausing....hopping to & fro....looking around expectantly....was all about?
To lure Pete out to play.....hide-n-seek....this morning....
Yep. Chasing rabbits. He would have loved that.
So there I was imagining Pete....chasing the rabbit.....& all the while the rabbit was playing gayly in the wet grass....
I began to think about all the changes in my life over the last few months.....it's funny how life goes.....you reach a level place where you feel safe & comfortable....and you rest there for awhile...
Sometimes I think, ok, this isn't so bad.....it will really be alright if this all there is....but deep inside I know it's not....not really ok....that there is so much more....and I really hope that I find my way back to me.....
And then I started replaying the week....it's been a very good week....things are starting to make sense...to fall into place....& for the first time in a long time, it's becoming easy to believe that the life I want to be living might even be within my reach.....
So why did I wake up this morning....overwhelmed with those thoughts.....the need to take apart & look at those things that are confusing to me....heck, I know that every single time I do that....I get the pieces all jumbled up & then I never get it put back together exactly right....then it's all messed up....in my head....
Seriously, if it ain't broke, MJ....
I asked myself....what is so important that you have to turn it inside out this morning?
Nothing is ever as it seems....& I was reminded of a friend who tells me often that at least 96% of the time I have no clue what they are really thinking....
And I realized....chasing a rabbit....or a C-130....through the yard was a great pastime for Pete....
But not for me.
And mudpies don't look anything like italian cream cake....or angel food cake....seiously....no one would smile if I stopped by with a mudpie that I made especially for them....I don't think so....
The sun peeked out....
I focused on my To Do list for a bit....checked off a thing or two....
Out of nowhere a validation arrived that one of those things I was totally prepared to overthink was....well, it wasn't what I was thinking...at all....
Imagine that.
The rabbit has played all day in the yard. Pete has spent the day with me....in spirit....
And I am looking ahead....to next week....and the next week.....with confidence....with hope....and, yes, with anticipation.....
Life is good.
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