Ahhhhhhh.
Soothing, warm watermelon scented water ... a foot soak ... on a shady corner of a sun-drenched deck ... margaritas ... lots of laughs ... good times ... good friends.
Watermelon soak ... watermelon scrub ... watermelon lotion. Petty pedis. The most important decision of the day ... the color of the polish.
Throwing all caution to the wind ... fun, flirty ... maybe even a little floozy ... hot pink was my choice! For my toes ... and heck yeah, going all out ... for my fingers, too!
Laughing ... the possibility of those pinkle toes ... attracting me some positive male attention ... girl talk between me and three beautiful friends ... they think I have it all together ... and I think
they are the lucky ones ...
It was a near perfect weekend.
I was where I want to be ... there were glimpses of the life I want to be living ... it's so close ...
within easy reach ... and one morning ... sipping coffee on the deck ... I was awash with happy ...
it was powerful ... and healing ...
"You're happy, MJ. Everyone feels it. You know who you are. And you're happy just being you."
That's the observation that a friend made as we sat under the stars one night ...
pondering the ins-and-outs of life.
She said she wished she could be more like me ... not needing anyone else to make her happy. I told her that I wished I could be more like her ... open enough to allow someone to stand a little closer and share a little bit of life with me.
She said maybe I should enlarge my window. That made me smile.
Only you can make you happy. That's what I told her. Same goes for me. Only I can make me happy. And no matter how hard we try ... or how much we want to ... it's impossible for any of us to make another person ... happy. Two people can be happy together ... but that's not the same as finding it within.
Happy is a choice. It's personal. I've been choosing happy for a long time ... and it hasn't been an easy journey. Yet ... progress has been made.
Happy is much like the hot pink polish. It feels funny to put it on and wear it around at first. Self-conscious ... wondering if everyone is looking at you funny ... maybe even snickering ... at your choice. Once you relax ... and flow into it ... you discover that you wear it well ...
Sometimes it takes a bit to recognize happy ... in the rush of things. Happy ... impatiently waiting patiently. Three steps forwards ... two steps back ... is still ... forward progress.
Happy's waving at you. Raise your hand. Wave back. See Happy smile!
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