Jingle ... Jingle ... Jolly ...

When I was about 14, my family lived in Little Rock. My cousins lived in Cabot.  All of us were about the same age.  

That Christmas, my cousin, Jerry Neal ... I know he likes to be called "Jerry" now ... but back then he was always "Jerry Neal" ... anyway, he received two goats.  And I'm pretty sure that was what he asked for, too.  He couldn't wait to tell us all about them when we gathered for dinner around my Aunt Julia's table. 

One goat was a boy ... and one goat was a girl.   They had been delivered the day before ... I believe.  He was so excited! 

It's been a long time ago ... so I don't remember what he named that boy goat.  The girl goat ... well, he proudly announced he had named HER ... "MaryJane".

Now ... THAT ... was special. 

My younger brother, Beau, couldn't resist ... "Why in the world did you name your goat, MaryJane?", he asked.

"Well, cuz she was so stubborn ... we couldn't get her to come off the truck.  We pulled her.  We pushed her. We did everything we knew how to do.  She just sat down & refused to budge. Stubborn.  So I named her MaryJane."

Thus the nickname "Nanny Goat" was born.

Not in the family was I affectionately known as "Nanny Goat", mind you ... but to the world at large.  You see, once again, Beau couldn't resist.  He shared the story with everyone ...

He found it ... delightul. 

I did have scrawny, spindly legs ... very goatish ... so somehow it just stuck.

For over 30 years, I have smiled at the story ... because, truth is, I am very stubborn ... yet I have always viewed it as something, well, less than flattering. 

Until today .... that is ...

... when a friend sent me this video.

I was totally unprepared for the impact.  Even though she knew me in high school, she was not in the group that would have ever heard the story ... so it was totally random. 

Funny how life goes. 

Watching the lively little goats ... joyfully frolic ... the tears streamed down my face.  Seems like pretty much ... everything ... makes me cry lately. And it dawned on me ... that quite possibly there was more to the naming of that little goat ... than just the "stubborn" story ...

It's a little late, I know ... still ...

Thank you, Jerry Neal, for seeing me ... exactly this way!
 
Jingle ... jingle ... jingle ... all the way ...

As stories go ...

I am a little baffled by the whole "Elf on the Shelf" phenomena. 

"The Elf on the Shelf – A Christmas Tradition is the very special tool that helps Santa know who to put on the Naughty and Nice list."

That's exactly what it says on the "About Us" page for the Elf On the Shelf. 

Somehow I don't like the idea that Santa's elves aren't really REAL until they are adopted by some family ... with the specific purpose of spying ... and tattling ... on everyone in the house.

Not really my idea of a special Christmas tradition.

But that's just me.

I am pretty sure that some of those "original" elves have been hanging around my house since I was about 3 years old ... they came along with gifts to my brothers & me from my Aunt Merthyne. 

A big fan of Santa Claus, she was ... probably they were close friends. She would have never sent elves to spy on us in his name!

I had forgotten about those elves ... until this year ... when I found them tucked into a special holiday wreath from many years ago along with a host of other sweet favorites she sent over the years.

Davey and the First Christmas ... now that's a treasured tradition ... it's always been my Mother's favorite.  There haven't been many Christmas' in over 50 years that she hasn't read this story to some loved ones ... young or young-at-heart.

How cool to find the story being shared this way ... not sure if the book is even still in print.  Our copy is well worn & fragile. 

Enjoy!

... and for the tomboy that was MJ ... there was the Wonderful Window ... it came in a cool little box with cut-outs & things.  And it still warms my heart when the "wonderful" window POPS UP as you turn the pages ... 

The angel came in with a smile on his face.

And both he and Katie got down on their knees,

Praying, "Lord, could you spare

one

small

miracle--

please?"

No elf on the shelf for me ... I'm sticking with Davey ... and Katie ... as stories go ... their's are more in keeping with what Christmas means ... to me.

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com

(c) December 2011

A Christmas Conundrum ...

My cell phone charger ... the one that plugs into the wall ... broke recently.  So I've been depending on the one in my car to keep me powered-up ... connected to the world.

What that means is ... fairly frequently in the last week or so, I have gone out into the garage and started the car ... for no other reason than to charge up my little phone battery.

Not sure why my Solara has to be turned on for the charger to work ... my Sebring would charge my phone without even having the key in the ignition.

Technology.  Blows my mind.

So I start the car & leave it running for many minutes at a time.  I generally leave the door between the laundry room & the garage open ... mostly so I don't forget that the car is out there ... running. 

Wandering in and out ... it occurred to me ... that ... yeah, I could do that ... start up the car & hang out in the garage ... if the despair was ever that great. 

So easy ... no wonder so many have done that very thing ...

Despair, though, has never really been a reality to me. So no need to worry on my account.  Really.  I promise.

Not sure why I wrote that ... but I've known for days that I was going to open my next blog with it.  Guess maybe it has something to do with the malaise ... of the season ...

Everything ... everywhere ... is all tricked out with tinsel ... and lights ... offering up the pretense of shiny and new.  And it starts earlier and earlier each year.

Somewhere in the midst of the glitz ... the glitter ... the giving ... the getting .... Christmas has lost it's meaning ... as the world continues to lose it's joy.

And hurting people ... empty & lonely ... hopeless people ... hang out in their garages ... with the engine running ... listening to music ... about peace & love ... meaningless words in the context of their lives.

I love Christmas.  Always have.  So these past years that I haven't been able to find even the teeniest bit of the ho-ho in my heart ... it's taken an amazing amount of fortitude to
go-through-the-motions ...

... rushing through as quickly as possible ... focusing on the promise of a Happy New Year.

Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4  

It was a few days after Christmas ... when that verse arrived in the mail ... in a note of encouragement ... from a very good friend ... at exactly the moment that life as I knew it ... came to an end.

Over the next few months it kept appearing ... in an email ... on a sign ... in a book ... on a plaque thingy ... a constant reminder that God was in the midst ... of the devastation ... then later ... in the reclaiming ... of myself.

Here it is, Christmas, once again.  Early on I started having twinges ... tingles ... and I thought to myself ... how awesome it was to be feeling expectant ... and hopeful ... again ... finally ...

This was the year I would begin to re-discover Christmas.  Ho! Ho! Ho!

I even told a few people that ... who are close to me.  Jinx.

Like the unexpected snowfall a few weeks ago ... things just started happening ... things that were designed to keep me from finding ... Christmas.

Stumbling along ... I keep putting my little Jesus ... back in his manger. 
And Jessi keeps re-arranging the angels.  Somehow we are maintaining ...

Hopeful.  Tentative ... but hopeful.

I allowed myself to open every single box of Christmas decorations ... to unwrap ... and enjoy each special ornament ... arrangement ... bow ... dish ...  book .. Santa .. elf ... angel ... lavishing myself with the joys of Christmas' past.


Lavish.  Such a decadent word.  And I wonder, is that a bad thing?  Guess it depends on the context.  I'm not sure.

And then there was the anticipation of the giving of my gifts. 

Even during the dark years, I have always enjoyed the gift giving.  You see, each gift is a personal communication between me & the one I am gifting.  All year I gather up things ... as I find them ... with a special person in mind.  I am not want to just go out in a shopping frenzy ... to check off names on my list ...

It's simply not my style.

My family refuses to share their wish lists with me ... it's been that way for years & years ... because they say they'd prefer to have the unique treasure that is
always found in a MJ gift. 

This year has been no different.  I have been bringing them out in little batches ... and wrapping my gifts.  I have to do it that way because Jessi sneaks & peeks.

Putting the special things in boxes or bags ... wrapping up a little piece of me along with each one ... always makes me happy. 

So you see, even with the early onslaughts, I have been hanging on to my Christmas tingle ... as best I can ...

Then like a snowball to the back of the head ... came the assault ...

... since Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Christ,

why do you buy gifts for other people? 

It was hurled in the midst of a lengthy Facebook conversation that started with "Happy Holidays" vs "Merry Christmas" ... and it totally blindsided me.

A snowball, afterall ... is made from snowflakes ... each one individual & unique ... clumped together clumsily ... and packed down into a hard-hitting zinger.  I guess it had never crossed my mind that ... crowd psychology ... applied to snowflakes. 

There it was ... a suckerpunch ... from someone who claims to "know" me ... and my heart ... someone who has been receiving my gifts ... my time ... my resources ... my opportunities ... my encouragement ... my home & family ... my love ... bits & pieces of me ... for a very, very long time.

Oh well ... Wal-Mart GUARANTEES more Christmas for your money ... this year.  So I guess that explains it.  Surely if it's plastered all over Wal-Mart ... than it must be true ... Christmas is simply something you toss in your cart along with shampoo, light bulbs and a carton of milk.

And if a gift is truly nothing more than an obligatory expression of something to someone who may or may not really be important ... by all means, share a little more of nothing this Christmas ... Wal-Mart will gladly take your money.

Sure ... I deserved that ...

Really quickly ... my best friend, God, Creator of the Universe weighed in ...

Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4 

There it was again ... my personal message of encouragement ... randomly posted on the wall of someone who is an acquaintance ... who doesn't know me well enough to be a friend.

In keeping with my personal tradition of the last few years, I made a simple list of three things for Santa.  All of my "wants" are intangible ... and undefined ... by design.  Each year thus far, my gifts have been received no later than New Year's Eve.

Just like snowflakes ... each has been rare, unique & genuine.  And because I don't know where they will come from ... or how they will be packaged ... it has allowed me to experience a little bit of Christmas magic ... as my heart has been healing.

A glimmer of hope, a special wish & something wonderfully unexpected.  That's what I put on my list ... last nite.  By 10 a.m. this morning ... two out of the three had already materialized.

What's up with that?!?!  I wondered.  So I posed the question.

You're not asking BIG enough, MJ.  It's time for you to ask for the BIG things.

That's the answer I got back.  Loud and clear.  So I pondered on that as I was driving about.  What would be BIG enough?

... the desires of your heart ...

Immediately I was humbled.  There's no way I can ask for the desires of my heart.  I am totally unworthy ... and honestly, I have no idea what are the desires of my heart.  I told Him that.  He laughed a little ... He finds me so amusing.

Over the last few years I have learned to receive His love ... to allow myself to feel His delight in me.  It's been a salve to my hurts.  And with a nudge, He reminded me to look at my list again ... from this year ... and the last couple of years ...

Somewhere along the way, I have learned how to ask ... for what He wants to give me.

"Delight" in the Lord ... that's what the message says.  And in an instant I realized  .. that's it ... to delight myself in the Lord ... IS ... the desire of my heart.

A Christmas conundrum.  A riddle where the beginning and the ending are the same ... something like ... Alpha and Omega ... yeah, yeah ... I may be a little slow ... but I get it!

There's still a bit of time left ... for me to find Christmas ... this year.  I'm asking BIG now.  And He's delighted.

Merry Christmas.

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com

(c) December 2011