There's been a lot of discussion in my circle of friends ... about choices ... and the consequences of choices ... lately.
The "choosing" lesson has been one that's been a long-time coming ... for me ...
You know ... I get to choose ... and you get to choose ... no one gets to choose for anyone else.
It's all so very frustrating ... and confusing ...
It applies to ALL things ... in life.
Webster says "choose" means to make a selection freely and after consideration ....
Sounds simple. Seems that most of us find ourselves making the most important choices on impulse ... or maybe it's that consideration simply isn't given to something that doesn't seem important ... and next thing you know, your life has been impacted in ways that you never imagined ... because you were careless with your thoughts, actions & heart ...
Deliberately NOT making a choice ... IS a choice ... as well. That seems to be a very hard one for many of my friends to grasp. They think if they sit back ... ride the fence ... & just let whatever happens ... happen ... they have no responsibility for the outcomes.
A choice is a choice. Even a non-choice. And there is responsibility attached to each & every choice. If you get to make your own choices ... then you have to take ownership of the outcomes ... the consequences ... the bad ones as well as the good ones ...
Yep. You do. It's your choice. It's your consequence.
Ironically ... this was the friend who set me on the path of "choosing happy". In a real, genuine conversation ... once upon a time ... he said to me ... "You know, MJ. You can't make me happy. No one can. Only I can make me happy."
That resonated with me deeply ... at the time ... it still does. After much pondering, I embraced that truth & made it my own ...
Sadly, he hasn't.
It was a random, unexpected ... yet inevitable encounter. It hurt ... but in many ways not as much as I thought it was going to ... you know, the actual shutting the door ... double bolting it on the past ... saying good-bye to something ... someone ... who has impacted my life so mightily ...
The good far outweighs the bad. I know that. Over time ... spent in-and-out of whatever we were in-and-out of ... lost pieces of MJ were re-discovered .... real life lessons were learned ... stories were shared ... hardships were endured ... weird, quirky things happened along the way ...
I wouldn't wish any of it away ...
For me ... all of our shared experiences were part of my forward progress ... forcing me to take a critical look at myself ... making adjustments based on what I saw there ... through his eyes ... all the while paving the way ... for whatever is coming next ...
Our friendship ... it was an unlikely thing ... all along ... it required me being a little bit brave about letting someone inside my carefully constructed walls ... it was always challenging, interesting, rewarding ... and more times than not, it was fun ...
In the end it all came down to choices. Choices I made. Choices he made. Choices others made that were out of our control.
In a conversation with a new friend over the weekend I was asked "What is life about for you?"
Good question.
Life for me is about making a difference ... touching lives ... taking chances ... seeing opportunities everywhere & pursuing the ones that capture my attention ... looking into the eyes & hearts of the people I come to know ... seeing the hidden potential ... the unacknowledged specialness ... the good things hiding there ...
... and believing in them ... even when they don't believe in themselves ... offering up as much encouragement & support as I can ... to help them open up some doors ... take down some walls ...
... even as I struggle to do those very things for myself.
The encounter has proven to be an immediate catalyst for change. Saying good-bye ... face-to-face ... instead of tucked in emails ... or in silence ... was cathartic. There was a huge amount of healing there. And somehow, it felt good & right.
So we said what we needed to say. I guess. At least I did.
And then like a floodgate being thrown wide open ... good things began to happen ...
Opportunities. Possibilities. Chances.
Abound.
(c) February 2011
Mary Jane....As I sit here and ponder your thoughts~~each one I feel very deeply because they too~~have been my thoughts....those same feelings encountered.
ReplyDeleteGod's Plan is perfect. I stand amazed at the strong women God has carved us out to be.
~~Kim
Life is all about choices...I choose to be happy, so I am! It's all about the seasons too. People come and go with the seasons. Spring has come and with it a new season and new people...or perhaps "old friends" that are in a different place than they were previously. One day, "the One" will be in the same season with you, MJ! I think that's what I'll pray for, for you! Hugs, my friend!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kim ... and Kim! It's funny ... as I was thinking about writing this blog ... that message about everyone comes into your life for a reason or a season kept popping into my mind. And the song "Turn, Turn, Turn" was playing in my head ...
ReplyDeleteThis wasn't so much about "The One" ... just someone who was very important to me ... for a long time ... we shared a lot of things ... there was a lot of laughing & smiling ... it's always sad when it's time to move on from friends who help you look at life ... and yourself ... with fresh eyes ... who help you to grow & move forward!