Choices ... Changes ... Chances

There's been a lot of discussion in my circle of friends ... about choices ... and the consequences of choices ... lately.

 The "choosing" lesson has been one that's been a long-time coming ... for me ...

You know ... I get to choose ... and you get to choose ... no one gets to choose for anyone else.

It's all so very frustrating ... and confusing ...

It applies to ALL things ... in life. 

Webster says "choose" means to make a selection freely and after consideration ....

Sounds simple. Seems that most of us find ourselves making the most important choices on impulse ... or maybe it's that consideration simply isn't given to something that doesn't seem important ... and next thing you know, your life has been impacted in ways that you never imagined ... because you were careless with your thoughts, actions & heart ...

Deliberately NOT making a choice ... IS a choice ... as well.  That seems to be a very hard one for many of my friends to grasp.  They think if they sit back ... ride the fence ... & just let whatever happens ... happen ... they have no responsibility for the outcomes.

A choice is a choice.  Even a non-choice.  And there is responsibility attached to each & every choice.  If you get to make your own choices ... then you have to take ownership of the outcomes ... the consequences ... the bad ones as well as the good ones ...

Yep.  You do.  It's your choice.  It's your consequence.

Last week, I came face-to-face with the outcome ... of several years of choosing ... to be friends ... in spite of the warnings ... the hurts ... the impossibilities ... the improbablilities ...

Ironically ... this was the friend who set me on the path of  "choosing happy".  In a real, genuine conversation ... once upon a time ... he said to me ... "You know, MJ.  You can't make me happy.  No one can.  Only I can make me happy."

That resonated with me deeply ... at the time ... it still does.  After much pondering, I embraced that truth & made it my own ...

I have been choosing happy ever since ....

Sadly,  he hasn't.

It was a random, unexpected ... yet inevitable encounter.  It hurt ... but in many ways not as much as I thought it was going to ... you know, the actual shutting the door ... double bolting it on the past ... saying good-bye to something ... someone ... who has impacted my life so mightily ...

The good far outweighs the bad.  I know that.  Over time ... spent in-and-out of whatever we were in-and-out of ... lost pieces of MJ were re-discovered .... real life lessons were learned ... stories were shared ... hardships were endured ... weird, quirky things happened along the way ...

I wouldn't wish any of it away ...

For me ... all of our shared experiences were part of my forward progress ... forcing me to take a critical look at myself ... making adjustments based on what I saw there ... through his eyes ... all the while paving the way ... for whatever is coming next ...

I ran into him ... last week ... at almost exactly the same spot that we first encountered each other ... several years ago. After our conversation ended ... awkwardly ... I walked away thinking how sad it was that none of it had ever really mattered ... that it appears to have been just a rewind ... a repeat ... a rerun ... of the lost & lonely life ... that he chooses to continue living ...

Our friendship ... it was an unlikely thing ... all along ... it required me being a little bit brave about letting someone inside my carefully constructed walls ... it was always challenging, interesting, rewarding ... and more times than not, it was fun ...

Well ... until it just hurt too much ...

In the end it all came down to choices.  Choices I made.  Choices he made.  Choices others made that were out of our control.

In a conversation with a new friend over the weekend I was asked

"What is life about for you?"

Good question.

Life for me is about making a difference ... touching lives ... taking chances ... seeing opportunities everywhere & pursuing the ones that capture my attention ... looking into the eyes & hearts of the people I come to know ... seeing the hidden potential ... the unacknowledged specialness ... the good things hiding there ...

... and believing in them ... even when they don't believe in themselves ... offering up as much encouragement & support as I can ... to help them open up some doors ... take down some walls ...

... even as I struggle to do those very things for myself.

The encounter has proven to be an immediate catalyst for change.  Saying good-bye ... face-to-face ... instead of tucked in emails ... or in silence ... was cathartic.  There was a huge amount of healing there.  And somehow, it felt good & right.

So we said what we needed to say.  I guess.  At least I did. 

And then like a floodgate being thrown wide open ... good things began to happen ...

Opportunities.  Possibilities.  Chances. 

Abound.

http://www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com/

(c) February 2011

 

Elephants ... In. The. Room.

I love elephants.  I always have ... don't know why ... really ... there's just something special about the oversized creatures with the soulful eyes ... and the long trunk ... that allows them to reach out ... and touch ... while maintaining a proper distance.

As a young girl, I collected elephant ... things.  Bright colorful ones ... more than authentic, real-life looking ones.  Yep.  Elephants always make me smile.

I've been trying to write this blog for a week or so ... now ... and it just hasn't come together ... I'm thinking it's because of the elephant in the room ... that keeps moving around ... lightfooted ... you know, so I won't see it ... completely ...

... not yet ...

Elephants in the room ... reminds me of the song by Kris Allen ... it goes like this ...

" ... it's the elephant in the room but we pretend we don't see it ..."

Funny.  Normally, the elephant in the room is viewed as a negative ... an unaddressed problem ... or as the song goes on to say ... "stop pretending ... that it's not ending ... let the end begin. ..."

Not my elephant.  No sirre-Bob! 

My elephant is trumpeting "POSSIBILITIES" ... as it spins & twirls on one foot at a time ... pirouetting circus style ... clumsily across the floor.

I think it wandered in the night I found the magic rock ...
A couple of weeks ago, I was spending an evening with a friend ... an enlightened friend, I might add.  I dropped my keys on her driveway ... in the dark ... and when I bent down to pick them up ... I missed the keys completely ... and came up with a smooth, clear rock.

It was special.  Of course.  And it made me smile. 

I took it inside ... showed it to her ... and laid it on the counter.  Hours later ... when it was time to leave ... I went to retrieve my rock ... cuz I was sure it was "magic" ... and it was gone.

Seems my friend ... didn't sense anything special about it ... & had tossed it into the trash.

... at that moment, the roller coaster ... left the platform ... and I am enjoying the crazy ride ... so far  ...

The other day I stopped by to visit a friend at work.  It's an interesting place ... not your typical office environment ... so when I arrived there was a lot of stuff out in the lobby area ... things being moved in and out of different places ... I noticed all of the interesting things ... and it made me smile ... because it was such a visual of one story ending ... making room for a new beginning ...

So we chatted for a few minutes ... it was casual ... uneventful ... and I headed out the door ... on my way to where I was going next ...

A last glance over my shoulder ... a laugh ... and a smile ...

... then I was sailing through the air ... & hit the hard concrete floor ... face down ... full body ... totally unexpected ... with no chance to even break the fall with my hands & arms ...

It knocked the wind out of me.  Caught me off guard.  And then I was laughing ... because apparently ... in the few minutes I was in the office visiting ... an elephant-sized box had been placed directly in the path of the door through the lobby ... and I never saw it!

Funny thing is ... no one saw me ... take the dive!  My friend came out as I was picking myself up ... and said, "Wow that was weird.  I could hear you talking ... but I couldn't see where you went!"

Then he noticed the box ... and said .... hmmm, where did that come from?!?!

... and over in the corner ... thinking I couldn't see or hear it ... my elephant friend began to giggle softly ...

"Keep your eyes open, MJ."

 Weird, quirky things that just keep happening to me ... and the messages keep coming ... supporting the improbable, impossible things ... on the horizon ...

It's funny how things go ...

I just finished the second of the books that have been given to me recently by people who are important to me ... Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen.

The person who gave it to me said they had found it "somewhat interesting" ... because it was about senior citizens ... and circuses.   Yep.  That's what they said.  And, indeed, both of those themes are  the foundation of the story ...

... but that wasn't really what it was about ...

It's about life ... and taking chances ... of grabbing a hold of the good things that show up unexpectedly in your life ... even when they don't make sense ... it's the story of a man who never loses sight of the wonder of adventure ... that's the kind of life I want to be living ... he's the kind of man I want to be sharing it with ...

The elephant's in the room ...

Truth is ... in order for something new to present itself ... or unfold ... something has to end ... to make room ... to prepare the way ... to leave yourself open ... for something new ...

One in ten million ... those are the outrageous odds ... that I have been given ... not once ... but twice ... still ... anything's possible ...

It's funny.  At one point in the last week, a friend suggested that I simply send a picture of an elephant ... in response to the surprising, out-of-the-blue development ... in response to the long-shot of those odds ...

Another elephant reference ... and it made me smile. 

Seems that isn't going to be necessary.  Apparently, others have been open to the elephant's entrance ... & appear to be enjoying the gay little dance ... maybe even as much as me ...

Time will tell ... as the endings turn into beginnings ... of something new ...

A few days after my friend threw the magic rock in the trash ... she showed up with "another" one.  I, of course, scoffed at the idea ... a replacement rock seemed something like substitute magic ...

Not wanting to hurt her feelings ... I accepted the second rock ... in the spirit it was given ... she had taken a picture afterall ... of the finding of the new rock ... it was right there where I found the first one ...

... waiting ... to be discovered ...

Picked up & pocketed ... the new rock ... has been the catalyst ... to a whirlwind of good things ... happening ...

And a few days ago ... she sent me a fun picture of a whole "bed" of new little rocks ... in the same spot ... where there were none before ... she says they are mutiplying ...

That made me smile.  My magic rock begatting enough magic for all of us ...

It's simple, really. First you have to see the rock ... and pick it up.  Then you have to believe in the magic.  For it to become real.

Much like the elephant ... in the room ... dancing to the song in its heart ... or maybe it's the song in my heart ...

I'm pretty sure that my friend was right, though.  The FIRST rock.  It wasn't really magic.  The magic was in me.  All along.  It took her finding the second rock ... for both of us to get it ... I guess ...

... and to see the elephant ... in the room ... as it choreographs the clumsy dance of change ...

"You said you wanted to try something "new", MJ" comes the elephant whisper ... yes, indeed, I do.

And I know that what's coming next is going to be a fun & interesting adventure ... because I just saw my elephant ...

Wink!

http://www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com/