The Last Word

It was Sunday morning.  I was sipping coffee and reviewing my week.  Re-visiting emails ... status posts ... and other messages that I had received from various other sources.

Pondering ... I gradually became aware that I was not alone.  At some point, He had entered the room ... and was sitting nearby.  Close enough for me to feel His presence ... yet just enough distance to not intrude.

A warmth rushed over me ... a peace, if you will ... and it made me smile.

At the time I tried to turn a phrase ... that described it ... I was at a loss for words.

A quick look at Facebook ... and there on a friend's wall was one of those little sticker things ... it read:
  

True friendship is sitting together in silence & coming away feeling 
like it was the best conversation you ever had.

And I thought ... that's close ... but not quite ... it.

I went back to my reflection.  Have you ever had one of those times in your life ... when every thing seems to run out ... all at once?

That's where I am at.  Out of direction ... out of focus ... out of purpose ... out of sync ...

Do you see a pattern in your love life?  That's the subject line in one of the emails that I put in my  take-a-look-at-later folder.  It struck me as funny at the time ... even though I never even opened it.

You see, I was sure that it was either an invitation to an online dating site ... or for a reading with a cyber psychic ...  neither of which were really necessary ... to decipher my love life.

It's patternless.

That's not really a word ... according to Webster.  Again, I smiled.

Go a little deeper.  Look for the pattern ... in your love ... in your life.  It came as a whisper along with a gentle nudge.

So I did.  I spent some time there ... and marveled at all of the love ... in my life. 

Shortly I moved on ... to some more saved emails .. with subject lines that had caught my eye during the week.

Be enthusiastic about your work.  That was the next one.  Not really sure what caused me to save that one for a later read.  I try to embrace each day with positivity and  enthusiasm.  Even though I am not really sure at the moment ... what my work is ... my enthusiasm compensates for that lack of clarity.

At least I like to think so.

Maybe I simply saved it as affirmation of sorts.  A re-assurance that somehow I was getting something right ... on occasion.

It seemed like a natural progression ... that the next one was ... Success: Do You Have It?

Supernatural is probably more like it.

This season of indecision ... and uncertainty ... and endings with no obvious beginnings ... doesn't really feel like success.  I continue to remind myself that I have never measured success in the traditional sense of money ... and things ... and comfort.

Feeling successful to me has always been more about encouragement, challenges met, obstacles overcome, lives touched, differences made ...

On Sunday.  I wasn't really feeling  ... success ... by any definition.

Took another break from my pondering .... to scroll down my wall again.  And, voila ... there was another friend ... with another sticker thingy ...

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.”
~Maya Angelou

 

And, of course, there was another nudge ... another whisper ... What do you make of that, MJ?

 

It was hard to argue ... unsuccessful ... at that point.  The rewards might not be there ... by any stretch of the imagination ... and it may take a little more pump priming to get the flow started ... still ... all in all ... by that very definition ... I AM a success.

So I said it outloud ... quietly at first ... i am a success ... as if I wasn't totally convinced.  The prompting came immediately.

Say it like you mean it, MaryJane.

So I did.  I said it confidently.  And I moved on.

The room had become warm & cozy.  His presence was enveloping me.  It felt nice.  And safe. I had time for one more selection ... before I headed out to Grace. 

 Turn your work into worship.

Wow.  I had to re-read that subject line ... a couple of times.  And let it sink in.

For the record ... it's often not what's in the emails that show up ... in their timely fashions ... that are significant to me.  It's mostly the titles ... and the thoughts they provoke ... the questions they raise ... as I struggle to find my answers ...

This one hit a little close to home.  Somewhat defensively, I argued that I am already doing that ... well, aren't I?  I am determined to make a living out of giving. I am pursuing the positivity & possibilities of people ... rather than the systematic process of making money. My personal mission statement is touching lives and making a difference. 

Surely I am making the right choices ... 

There were no nudges ... or whispers on this one.  

It was time to be going ... and apparently during my justified rebuttal, He had taken His leave ... 

So my venue changed ... my pondering continued ... and the praise team began to sing.  I knew all of the songs ... there I was multi-tasking ... lost in my thoughts but singing along ... 

It's just you and me here now,
Just you and me ... here ... now.

That's it, I thought.  That's exactly how it felt this morning ... when He was sitting with me ... not saying a word ... just the two of us ... here ... now.

Stop making it so hard, MJ, when it's really so simple.  Give it ALL to me.

There He was whispering ... and nudging me ... during the service ... after I had spent quite a few minutes in the car ... explaining to Jessi & Donald why they needed to be more mindful of doing that very thing.

He does things like that on purpose ... to get my attention.

Take my fret, take my fear
All I have, I'm leaving here.
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
You're my delight, be my everything.

It was a powerful ... emotional ... exchange.  I made a note of it in my journal ... so that I can come back to it ... a spiritual marker.

Worship Me ... through your work, MaryJane. It sounded so obvious ... and simple ... when He put it like that.

Over the last week, I have been writing down daily action steps in the morning ... and then recapping the outcomes in the evening.  It's part of an intentional process that's intended to help me accelerate a personal moving forward ... with my work.

It has been an interesting process.  Helpful in some regards.  Rigid and confining, in others.

Sitting there waiting on Del to began speaking, I decided that I needed to re-think my daily action steps ... based on the direction that He had just given me.  

It's ok since this whole thing has been an experiment of sorts ... therefore, this coming week I will find ways to incorporate worship in each of my action steps.

That's my intent.  Even though I have no idea how that's going to look ... or feel ... yet.

After worrying my way through some pretty troublesome and confusing thoughts ... I now had a plan of sorts.  It was a relief to know that whatever Del had to say was most likely going to be for someone else ...this time.

It was special ... (yes, the pun is intended) ... that Del was speaking without notes.  He let us know that before he began.  He said this was such a personal message for him that he was going to wing it ... and share whatever God laid on his heart.

Del spoke about the stronghold of a wounded heart.  And the need to discover our own specialness with God.  It was a great message ... and I found hope and encouragement there.  However, it was not aimed directly at me.

Time came to take communion.  I was a little distracted with reminding Jessi to take the tray with both hands if she wanted to serve the others. You see, holding the tray ... offering the sacraments to the others ... is a very real part of Jessi's worship.

After we settled back in our seats ... Del returned to the platform ... poised and ready to pray ... then randomly wandered over into what I would call an ... afterthought.  

"You have an incredible opportunity (MaryJane) ... to be an instrument of God ... \to use whatever talents & gifts you have ... to touch someone's life ... 
and make them feel special.
  I challenge YOU (MJ) to act on every opportunity 
to make someone feel special!" 

Just a little ... something ... that God ... laid upon his heart, I'm guessing. And I distinctly heard the "MaryJane" and "MJ" ... spoken aloud.

It happens a lot ... between God, Del & me. I never know for sure whether anyone else hears the words ... exactly the same way ... or whether He simply says them to me.

Make people feel special.  That's your work, MaryJane. It's really that simple. Turn your work ... into worship ... love people, love me.

The whisper turned into something more like a giggle as my mind wandered back to the direct question posed in an email earlier in the week ... "Did you ever meet someone who always had to have the last word?"

Well, yes, I do happen to know someone ... exactly like that. Always on cue ... He delivers the punchline ... time after time ...He is the master of the consummate last word.

Today is Monday.  I walked before dawn ... watching for the meteor showers ... for the second morning in a row.  There was no light show for me.  

All of my work ... beginning today ... will be worship ... and ...
I will ... worship ... you, Lord.  Only you.

www.lifelessons-mj-blogspot.com

(c) october 2012