Road Trip: Beach Bound

I am on vacation.  It's NOT the vacation that I thought I was going to be taking ...
not the one I had planned ... at all.

Funny how that happens.  Plans just change.

There have been times in my past that all of the last minute disruptions of the last 24 hours would have unnerved me completely ... sending me into a frenzy of worry and anxiety ... knowing that somehow I had lost control ...and that nothing was going to turn out ... the way I had planned.

There was purpose to this vacation.  Not just R & R.  It was going to include visits with great friends that I haven't seen in years ... amazing food & fellowship in a place that is pretty darn close to heaven ... connecting & re-connecting in important ways ....

...and healing.  The agenda was full enough ... and flexible enough ... to have reflective time and an opportunity to let go of some of the hurts of the past ... releasing them to the winds & waves ... to the never-ending rhythm of the ocean tides.

My vacation was carefully crafted ... designed to be the transition piece ... from where I've been ... to what's coming next.

So the road trip began ... and even before the happy trails dinner of chicken spaghetti had been consumed ... the detour signs started showing up.  And the all-night drive was packed full of ... unexpected ... detours.

Detours aren't necessarily a bad thing.   Typically, they take you in a direction ... different than the one you mapped out for yourself.

One early round of texting ... let me know that some juggling was going to have to take place ... immediately upon arrival.  After the initial shock of discovering that I wasn't going to be staying ... in the place I had planned to be staying ... I embraced the amusing aspect of the development.

I refused to let it put a damper on my enthusiasm.  All that quiet, reflective time ... I was counting on ... to find the BIG answers to my BIG questions ... and to let go of things that are needing to be let go .... was now no longer on the schedule.  Maybe I really didn't need that time ... as much as I thought.

For a couple of weeks, I had been telling myself that I was going on vacation ... with an open mind.  That I wasn't going to presume this ... or that ... or try to figure out how things were going to play out.

Truth is, though, that I had it all figured out in my mind ... how things were going to be ... how it was going to feel when I got here ... and that somehow the inevitable would be exactly that.  Inevitable.

And I was going to pretend to be surprised ... pleasantly or unpleasantly ... when what I had been thinking all along came to pass ... just the way I had imagined it.

The detour ... wasn't part of the plan.

Now, it is going to be a different adventure ... filled with scrambling ... and trunk living ... and "sleeping around" ... for most of the week.

As I drove across Tennessee and into North Carolina ... all through the nite ... I gave it all up along the way ... instead of waiting until I got here.  All of those things ... that needed to be let go ...

Somewhere around Nashville ... I had to laugh.  It was near midnight and Jessi was determined to stay awake with me ... while I was driving. She was managing the music ... and at one point we were rocking out to Michael Jackson ... Man In The Mirror ...

You got to ... stand up ... and lift yourself ...

Make the change

You know it ... you know it .. you know it ...

Top was still down ... in the dark ... because it was so warm & balmy out.  And Jessi was singing her heart out ... she's all grown-up now ... and without me being aware of the change ... she has turned into an amazing adventure partner ... and traveling buddy.

The moon was doing that little smile thing ... it was a reassurance that the vacation I had planned wasn't going to be anywhere near as amazing as the one I am fixin' to have!

Another round of texting ... was completely unexpected.   Leaving me cautiously optimistic ... about something that I was planning to let go of completely ... while on vacation.  The winds of change ... keep blowing that door open ... again ... and again ... no matter how many times I have shut it ... determined to walk away ...

In about hour 13 ... it was time to get gas.  And we were on a long stretch of highway ... that went from Raleigh ... east ... through tiny town after tiny town ... to the coast.  The empty light was on ... and there was only one exit that mentioned gas stations.  I was sure that I had waited too long to expect any decent price ... so it didn't really matter that there were no choices.

As I approached the exit ... I saw the cones & barracades.  It was closed.  That's right ... the one exit with any gas stations for miles either way ... wasn't open to traffic.

Seven miles later, I came to another exit.  A tiny little sign indicated that there was "Gas. And phone" at the exit even though there was nothing to be seen by the visible eye on either side of the overpass.

By this time, I was frustrated and a little in a panic.  Again, I had lost control of my travel situation.  Jessi kept turning up the music ... refusing to buy into my discomfort.

I pulled off ... and at the stop sign ... another tiny sign with an arrow pointing right said ... "Gas. 4 miles."

And I am thinking to myself that there's no way I am not going to run out of gas.

The question was ... do I take a chance on the two lane country highway ... with the promise of gas in 4 miles?  Or do I hop back on the four lane by-pass ... and keep heading in the direction I was going ... looking for more exits ... that lead to nowhere ... knowing that with the traffic there will likely be someone to pull over & help me when the inevitable happens ... and hope that miraculously there will be a gas station somewhere?

The whisper came ..."Your inevitable, MaryJane, is always ... evitable." 

And I knew in that instant that ... of course ... there's a reason why I am supposed to go ... this way. 

At the end of the 4 miles ... there was another four way stop.  Farmland ... fields on three corners ... and a country store with three pumps on the other. The sign said the gas price was 75 cents higher than anywhere I had seen between Arkansas and North Carolina.

It didn't matter.  We had already driven about 30 miles farther than I was comfortable with ... while the gas light was shining.  I would pay the price ... gladly.

Pulled up to the pumps.  On each one was a hand-written sign that said "Sorry.  No Gas."

And for just a second ... I felt the anxiety kick in ... again.   I was going to lose it right there ... in the middle of nowhere.  Because there was no way I had enough gas to go in any direction ... and get anywhere.

Jessi had hopped out of the car thinking she was going to talk to me while I pumped the gas.  Boldly, she walked over to a man who was leaning up against the building ... and asked him if he knew where we could get some gas ... someplace REALLY CLOSE.

That's what she said.   That her mom needed to find some gas ... and it had to be REALLY CLOSE!

He told us to turn on the road next to the gas station ... that was going to be leading us in the opposite direction of the way we needed to be traveling ... and that there would be a gas station in about 2 miles.

Great.   I was going to run out of gas ... in the middle of nowhere ... on a road that had no traffic ... trying to get 2 miles to a gas station.  Of course, there was really no choice ... because it was 4 miles back to the By-pass ... and who knows how many miles to an exit with a gas station.

Jessi thanked the man ... and told me to come on ... she had it under control.  Those were her exact words ... "I have it under control, Mom.  We're not going to run out of gas.  You have to believe me."


It was another 7 miles before we found a gas station.  And we didn't run out of gas.  And Jessi once again began chatting up the people in the parking lot.  She wandered back with a weathered old black man who gave me the directions to the by-pass ... a shortcut that only a local would know.

It was mid-morning ... so once we gassed up ... the top came down for the remainder of the drive.

Back on the by-pass, I decided to clock the miles from the exit where we had originally gotten off looking for the 4 mile gas station ... to see how far it would have been to the next possible exit.

From the minute we exited into the ... gas detour ... I was sure that there was a reason why I had to go that way.  Like maybe I was going to avoid a ticket ... or a wreck ...or something ...

Why else would I have been diverted from my carefully planned route?!?

There was no evidence of an accident or anything like that.  And it was 27 miles before another exit with a gas station presented itself on the well traveled road.  There's no way we would have made it that far.

To be perfectly honest ... there's no way we could have made it the 11 miles that took us backtracking into nowhere ... either.

After dropping Jessi off and finishing the final leg of the drive ... on the familiar highway that leads to the beach ... I had some time to ponder all of the unexpected changes to my plans ... and the random gas-hunting detour.

And I wondered ... outloud ... how I had ever allowed myself to become so guarded ... and structured ... and deliberate.  Ok ... what I really said was ... who is this control- freak?!?! And when did she become ... me?!?!

Somehow along the way ...  my easy-going, adventuresome spirit has been damaged ... slowly but surely it's healing ... and it's so terrific to discover ... that it truly isn't ... broken.

That's the MJ that I really like ... the girl who sets out with an open mind ... an open heart ... and a love of surprises ... the MaryJane who is always up for the back roads ... and side trips ... and unexpected places.

Who sees a detour ... as opportunity to see something new ... to discover something special in a random place ... to experience something that wasn't planned ....


Of course, that's when the laughter came.  Louder than the music ... "Don't you get it, MJ!  I am in control ... of your vacation ... and your life.  Relax.  And go with the flow.  I promise you won't be disappointed with the plans I have for you!"

So here I am ... on the vacation that was planned for me ... by my best friend, God, Creator of the Universe.  The one thing I know for sure ... is that this vacation is going to be life-changing.

I am confident that what's coming next ... is absolutely more amazing ... than anything I could have dreamed up on my own. 

 What if I can't wait?!?!

(c) June 2012

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com