A little girl is sitting in a swing at the playground. She is enthusiastically talking to the empty swing next to her. "Mommy has a whole bunch of imaginary friends, too! They all hang out in a place called Facebook."
Had to smile when that cartoon popped up one day last week. It was couched in the midst of a stream of status posts from a variety of friends ... ballyhooing the quality -- or lack thereof -- of their... friends.
And I am wondering, do people really get on the internet ... to make friends?!?! And, no, I am not talking about online dating.That's a totally different thing. I am talking about hold-my-hand-when-I-cry, celebrate-my-successes, honest-to-God ... friends.
Lots of people I know, simply add people to their friends list ... because they receive a friend request. It's absurd, really. A virtual stranger ... sends you a friend request ... and you accept them as your friend ... and presto-chango ... a virtual stranger suddenly becomes a friend. I think not.
Virtual strangers are nothing more than 21st century imaginary friends.
Even though I know the people I have on my Facebook "friends" list ... I don't presume that all of them are ... ahem ... my friends. Maybe that's where one gets into trouble ... when one begins to believe that everyone they meet ... or know ... or who wants to tag along with them .. is actually their friend.
Children have imaginary friends. They are real to them. They talk to them ... and sometimes, the imaginary friend talks back. At least that's what the child believes.
Children don't pretend that their imaginary friends are actual people, though. They are smart like that.
Guess some of us lose some of that smartness as we grow-up. It's not uncommon for some really bright ... but lonely adults ... to allow themselves to believe that whoever is behind that picture is actually who they say they are . And I think to myself ... didn't these people ever watch The Wizard of Oz?!?!
Traditional imaginary friends are viewed as abnormal in adults ... but are seen as totally acceptable in children.
I am not sure who Lawrence Kutner is ... or when he wrote this observation ... but I believe it sums it up quite well:
"Imaginary companions are an integral part of many children's lives. They provide comfort in times of stress, companionship when they're lonely, someone to boss around when they feel powerless, and someone to blame for the broken lamp in the living room. Most important, an imaginary companion is a tool young children use to help them make sense of the adult world."
Now try reading it again ... and replace "imaginary companions" with "online friends" ... and replace all references to "children" with "people" ...
Imaginary friends ... are a sign ... that a person needs help making sense of the adult world. Imagine that!
Imaginary friends ... are a sign ... that a person needs help making sense of the adult world. Imagine that!
Something is terribly wrong with a world where the ability to build relationships and make genuine friends is never developed ... where the most meaningful interactions take place in the solitary confines of your room --- online --- with real people pretending to be your friend OR pretend people trying to convince you they are real ....
I think maybe it's the children .. who never learned how to be a grown-up ... that fill up their life with imaginary friends ... on-and-off-line ... because it's easier & faster than actually getting down in the trenches of life with people and building real, lasting friendships.
Friendships are the basis for all good relationships. If shallow, superficial friendship is all that's offered upfront ... there's not much hope for something wonderful ... to develop later.
I think maybe it's the children .. who never learned how to be a grown-up ... that fill up their life with imaginary friends ... on-and-off-line ... because it's easier & faster than actually getting down in the trenches of life with people and building real, lasting friendships.
Friendships are the basis for all good relationships. If shallow, superficial friendship is all that's offered upfront ... there's not much hope for something wonderful ... to develop later.
I am a people gatherer. I've been collecting people for as long as I can remember.
People fascinate me. Each one is different. Just like snowflakes. And it's those differences ... mixed in with the things that are held in common that makes
each encounter dynamic.
each encounter dynamic.
Dynamic encounters. Some are positive. Some are negative. All of them impact our lives in a million different ways. I love that!
And each person has a unique personality. Each personality is multifaceted. Dimensional. Sometimes layered.
It often takes a bit of time & effort to really get to know someone ... the genuine who-they-are ... because they have a "game" face ... and an "off-camera" face ... and some have put up a whole bunch of walls ... to protect themselves from the imaginary
friends of the world.
It often takes a bit of time & effort to really get to know someone ... the genuine who-they-are ... because they have a "game" face ... and an "off-camera" face ... and some have put up a whole bunch of walls ... to protect themselves from the imaginary
friends of the world.
Being a challenge-driven person, that's the part that engages me. The desire to get to know the REAL person in each individual I meet. It's a gift of mine, I guess, to always see & respond to the goodness in someone. Even when when it's buried really, really deep.
A curse, it can be as well.
Sometimes I see things there in a person's eyes ... in their heart ... that they have forgotten about themselves. Or maybe it's something they have yet to discover. Those are the ones that I find myself drawn to most of the time.
The one who is so paralyzed by life, by circumstances, by failure, by disappointment, by fear and sometimes by success ... Just stuck right where they are ... overwhelmed ... overlooked by others ... unable to see the potential within ... scared to death to believe in themselves ... that's the one that catches my attention ... every single time.
I tend to spend a little more time with those people. Sometimes I wind up investing too much time there. Often there is no visible return. Sometimes I get hurt ... by real people who play the imaginary friend game.
Still, I play. Creatively. Trying to help that person to find those lost or undiscovered things ... about themselves ... on their own.
It's what I do. Gathering people.
It's what I do. Gathering people.
Turns out these aren't ordinary people ...
they are worry people.
they are worry people.
Apparently when the Mayan Indians had worries, they would whisper those secret things to the worry people then they would place the little effigies under their pillows at night.
Seriously?!?. The Mayan Indians had pillows?!?! Ok. Back to the legend ...
When they awoke, the worry people had taken their worries away.
Wow! Tell my worries to a tiny bag of imaginary friends ... sleep on it ... and all will be right in my world.
That made me smile. So with a little twist of my own, I decided to give it a whirl.
The MJ-whoodoo is to assign each of these little worry people to one of my friends. Then I take them out ... one by one ... and share the challenges, struggles & joys of the real-live, living-and-breathing friend ... I talk about each one ... outloud ... with their designated worry person ... and sometimes one of them answers.
Then I gather all of those little worry people together ... sort of like a conference call ... or maybe it's a prayer conference ... and we take it all to MY imaginary friend.
Yep. Based on clinical research, I am pretty sure that I am guilty of having one. You see, in some cases children shared that they have an imaginary friend ... that they never actually visualize ... they simply feel His presence ...
That's my best friend, God, Creator of the Universe. Guess maybe it's ok for Him to be their best friend, too.
So me and the worry people have a fairly regular pow-wow ... with God ... to talk about the challenges facing my friends.
He likes that ... when I pour out my heart to Him ... on behalf of the people who mean the most to me. He listens. And sometimes He smiles.
Then I gather all of those little worry people together ... sort of like a conference call ... or maybe it's a prayer conference ... and we take it all to MY imaginary friend.
Yep. Based on clinical research, I am pretty sure that I am guilty of having one. You see, in some cases children shared that they have an imaginary friend ... that they never actually visualize ... they simply feel His presence ...
That's my best friend, God, Creator of the Universe. Guess maybe it's ok for Him to be their best friend, too.
So me and the worry people have a fairly regular pow-wow ... with God ... to talk about the challenges facing my friends.
He likes that ... when I pour out my heart to Him ... on behalf of the people who mean the most to me. He listens. And sometimes He smiles.
It seems to be working, so far.
Yes. I am a people gatherer. And it is my passion in life to share as much encouragement, support & love as I possibly can ... to whoever is in need of those things. That's how I roll. Sometimes I find a friend in the process. Lots of times , though, it's simply a dynamic encounter with a fun & interesting person that I know and care about a lot.
Just because you like someone doesn't make you a friend. Just because someone likes you doesn't make them a friend either. Friendship is a slow process. It involves fun ... troubles ... joy ... hurts ... happiness ... and lots of quality time. And trust ... trust doesn't automatically come with a friend request.
It is not uncommon to be a friend to someone who is not a friend in return. That's not always a bad thing. And it works both ways.
In a world full of imaginary friends, how do you recognize a real friend?
A friend offers you a place where you are comfortable ... and you can be yourself. That means it's ok for your warts & flaws to show themselves from time to time. A friend offers you a place to drop off your worries. A friend celebrates your successes loudly & obnoxiously. A friend holds your hand & cries with you when disappointment, hurts or failure rush in to overwhelm you. A true friend offers you a safe place where you can let all the barriers and walls around your heart down .. a place to simply breathe ... it's hard work keeping all of those walls in place, after all.
Friends wander in-and-out, from time-to-time. In my little bag ... just like in real life.
In a world full of imaginary friends, how do you recognize a real friend?
A friend offers you a place where you are comfortable ... and you can be yourself. That means it's ok for your warts & flaws to show themselves from time to time. A friend offers you a place to drop off your worries. A friend celebrates your successes loudly & obnoxiously. A friend holds your hand & cries with you when disappointment, hurts or failure rush in to overwhelm you. A true friend offers you a safe place where you can let all the barriers and walls around your heart down .. a place to simply breathe ... it's hard work keeping all of those walls in place, after all.
And even though I am not immune to the imaginary friends of the world ... it's the unseen presence of Him ... that helps me keep it all in perspective.
A handful of real friends ... a little bag full of worries ... that's about all I can handle on my own. I leave the rest up to Him.
www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com
(c) February 2012
www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com
(c) February 2012
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